Asking a child if they have a boyfriend/girlfriend

[CoffeeBreak8]

My FIL asks my children (albeit in a jokey/playful way) if they have a boyfriend or girlfriend at school. I have 2 sons and 1 daughter, all aged between 6 & 9. I can see it makes them feel awkward and leads to them teasing each other. I just think it’s really weird and have replied saying “no they don’t, they just have friends” but he asks every time. Am I being unreasonable finding this question inappropriate?

Personally I couldn’t get upset about this. my kids class (year5) is full of kids with boyfriends/ girlfriends, my son has a different girlfriend every other week. 🙄 it’s not real it’s just make believe, nothing different happens when they have a girlfriend other than saying they go out with such and such.
If it makes them feel uncomfortable though to be asked just tell him they don’t like it and to stop asking.

My inlaws do this and I absolutely hate it. Since they reached 8 and 8 it's stepped up a notch too and I've had to had words. Nip it in the bud sooner rather than later.

I find it creepy but I've known lots of older people ask that question so I think it's an old fashioned thing. Some of them do have "boyfriends" and " girlfriends " at this age but it's all very innocent. My 12 year old has a girlfriend but it's xxxx and I love you at the end of texts and cards on valentines day. They don't even hug. He was in hospital recently and she was so worried about him, it was really sweet.

I remember being asked this and I'd say it's asked with the intent of embarrassing the children.If they show a reaction further teasing ensues.
He should pack it in.

I think this is the case too now you said it.

For all the people saying to have a quiet word, many of those saying it aren’t the self reflective type and won’t stop because they were asked to stop. I’d go as far as to say they aren’t prone to respecting kids as their equals at all.

True! Taking offence when you know he's not sleezy.
Just explain, same as you would if you didn't want adults swearing in front of your kids.
Doesn't have to be a drama.

Oh Behave

Tell him your oldest son has a boyfriend. That will probably shut him up.

It probably would 😂

Don't be stupid. He's an old man and it's just something older people ask kids for a bit of a laugh. All my old aunties and uncles used to ask the same when I was a kid.

Agree with it tending to be a generational thing. Also stems from not knowing what else to ask, maybe?

Depending on the relationship you have with FiL, and his communication style, a side conversation may be better than the humour, embarrassment, approach.

It’s something I always hated. My FiL told my middle son to be careful at school because all the girls would want him to be their bf…when he was 5 and just about to start school. At the first parents night , the teacher told me he was so unhappy. I’d walked round the classroom and the penny dropped. I told her about FiL and pointed out , son was sitting between 2 girls and opposite another. (Table of 6 ) She moved him to an end seat opposite another boy and he calmed down. By the following February, he was buying Valentines cards for girls in his class. He could have done without the trauma of being wound up by his granpa. I couldn’t say anything. My OH would have punished me for disrespecting his father

Ah it just goes to show that seemingly innocent words and remarks can have a big impact on little ears. Sorry to hear that you wouldn’t feel able to openly discuss this with your FIL, this sounds difficult for you x

Maybe he find it awkward talking to children and this is his line. Inappropriate but

Mine used to tell FIL that he was old fashioned and silly. Not by my prompting but because of how uncomfortable they felt. Just get the kids to make him feel out of touch and old and he'll soon stop. "Oh Grandad, you're so silly".

Rather an overreaction!

Same here, as in it was the sort of thing (some weird) adults asked when I was a kid - but that was the 1960s. I'm officially old myself, and I wouldn't dream of asking it to any kid.

Lol such a mumsnet answer

Does he still have a partner? MIL? Hope he does but if not, let them ask him the same question or why he wants to know??
Or maybe just TELL him not to question them in this way - its not appropriate, it makes you & them uncomfortable - ask why he is asking?? F** the generation thing - its just wrong, not funny. And why is a FIL your problem - surely up to your DH to resolve this?

I was hoping this is the poster's attempt at sattire!

Punished you? I hope you've since left the OH.

Give over! I don’t like it but it’s a well known old fashioned comment! What an overreaction, he could be a fantastic grandparent to the kids and you would cut off that relationship for no reason 🙄

This! I don't get the replies on this thread at all

‘They’re children, you weirdo’ seems an appropriate response, surely?

As for this being a ‘normal question from old people (when we were children)’ yes, people born in the 1900s-20s who were old in the 1970-90s. People whose norm was that women became housewives upon marriage, which typically happened from age 16-early 20s. So who therefore saw boyfriends / girlfriends among teenagers as serious relationships, so children playing at this as normal.

It’s a question based in a culture of low educational and career expectations, basically.

A more normal question, from an adult who doesn’t expect boys to work in manual jobs and girls to become housewives, would be about what subjects they enjoy, what books they’re reading, who their friends are and that other old chestnut ‘what do you want to be when you grow up?’.