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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unable to charge for my time for an LPA

58 replies

whyisnothingsimple · 23/06/2025 15:50

I have a LPA for my brother who has vascular dementia. We have never been close and had little contact until he became ill. His financial affairs were very complicated and I have probably spent over 1000 hours trying to sort it all out. It is now much better but I still have to spend several hours a month updating his financial situation. I retired 6 months early as I was struggling to sort his money and house out whilst having a full time job plus a life. He never, ever lifted a finger to help me. If i was not prepared, reluctantly, to do all his life admin, it would fall to a solicitor who would be able to charge a fee per hour. As his attorney, it is assumed that family and friends will do it for love. I do love my brother because he is my brother but I have just spent another 2 hours on the phone sorting an issue out and this has now been going on for over 3 years. I suppose I just want to vent!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
whyisnothingsimple · 23/06/2025 22:13

edwinbear · 23/06/2025 20:50

YANBU OP. I did this for an elderly aunt, my Dad’s sister, when Dad died. The hours and hours spent firstly getting the Deputyship changed from Dad to me. Then going through all the bank accounts, sorting out her pension, benefits, dealing with the LA, adult social services, the care home, making sure she still had her weekly hair appointments paid for, sending toiletries. Annual scrutiny from the Court of Protection, accounts submitted for the council, dealing with my co trustee in relation to an old life policy held in her favour. It just never stopped, there was never a week went by without me having to ‘do’ something. Like you, I could have used a solicitor, I’d only met her a handful of times, we weren’t close (she was schizophrenic), but it’s a sense of duty isn’t it. She sadly passed away last year, and I’m glad I did it - she was well cared for and had everything she needed. I’m pleased all the paperwork had stopped now though. My dad would have been proud I advocated for his sister for going on 10 years.

Thank you - I don’t think people really know what’s involved when these sad circumstances happen - yes it’s the sense of duty - if/when it ends I want to know I’ve done by best by him (assuming he goes first as I’m late 60s!)

OP posts:
Original poster
whyisnothingsimple · 23/06/2025 22:15

Hellohelga · 23/06/2025 21:29

OP you are doing the right thing because he is your brother and because you don’t really have much choice. Most of us will do it for someone at some point but yours sounds more painful as it’s been so muddled. He’s lucky to have you.

Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
whyisnothingsimple · 23/06/2025 22:16

BlueandWhitePorcelain · 23/06/2025 21:27

Have you tried MS Money? It’s no longer supported by Microsoft. I use the Sunset Deluxe edition (or something like that). I keep account for me and DH; and DD1 for whom, I am the appointee. Luckily we and her, both use banks which download directly into MS Money. It doesn’t produce full accounts - more like a cash flow report, although it’s possible to extract a balance sheet, consisting of balances at the bank accounts, credit cards, deposit accounts and investments.

I use VT for DH’s bookkeeping and partnership accounts. I can’t remember how much it is - probably £125 pa?

Although come to think of it, you don’t need to understand double entry for MS Money; but you do for VT!

Edited
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I love Excel - keeps the brain ticking over

OP posts:
Original poster
whyisnothingsimple · 23/06/2025 22:24

A positive to all this is that I have an ‘after I’m gone’ document which lists everything my children will need to know to make things easier for them - where my money is, will, who I pay my bills to and who to inform etc

OP posts:
ScaryM0nster · 23/06/2025 22:34

whyisnothingsimple · 23/06/2025 20:37

point 1 didn’t know you could that - before he lacked capacity I did get him to sign a letter to continue giving my grandchildren money for Christmas and birthdays - as he always had.

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Yes - unsurprisingly it’s there to make sure that professionals can be appointed as attorneys and can be paid for their services, but the legal foundation is the same.

Too late for this one, but easy to avoid a repeat. If he’d have bought you lunch as a thank you, you can act on his behalf and do that too.

BlueandWhitePorcelain · 24/06/2025 07:53

whyisnothingsimple · 23/06/2025 22:16

I love Excel - keeps the brain ticking over

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I love Excel, but there comes a point when accounting software is better.

Tiredofwhataboutery · 24/06/2025 08:20

I personally think you should be able to charge for your time. Possibly not huge amounts but a nominal weekly payment type thing. Obviously not doing it for the money but it’d be nice to get a token appreciation. It could possibly be set using carer rates as a guide.

Notfinanciallyresponsibleforyou · 24/06/2025 09:14

whyisnothingsimple · 23/06/2025 17:46

Yes that’s right - due to his mental health, he had money spread over 11 banks with a total of 48 accounts, savings, ISA, shares etc. unfortunately his paranoia meant it was a massive mess.

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This is the situation we had with the in-laws plus premium bonds and paper share certificates. Luckily both mentally fit in their 90s but it took ages to rationalise and sort out. They were annoyed that everything has to be online. Over the years they had created some on-line accounts but couldn’t remember passwords etc. They had created accounts with all the old building societies back in the day as lots of people did. DH and I explained each each item, they were missing out on interest, tracked missing accounts, organised an online share/isa platform but it was painful as everything needed explaining at least 6 times. I think they, and we, were surprised at how much money they have given Mil never worked but they are relieved that their money will cover any care home fees if needed.

As a result of the time it has taken DH and I have streamlined our finances to make it easier for our DC for when the time comes. Similar to @whyisnothingsimple

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