To still love my ex?

Stuckkkk · 2025-06-23T11:06:23+00:00

I ended my 17 year relationship last year, it wasn’t working, he did what he pleased and didn’t help with the kids etc. I was sure when I made the decision, however, he met somebody else within a few weeks and I have just been heartbroken ever since, they seem to have such a good life, holidays etc and I’m still just stuck, I have my wonderful kids etc but I can’t move on, if it was meant to be he wouldn’t have met somebody else and I get that but it’s so hard.

Original poster

Stuckkkk · 23/06/2025 12:44

Does anybody have any advice?

OP posts:

Fletchasketch · 23/06/2025 12:51

It sounds like it's more a case of you're longing for what they have together, rather than you want it with him. I could of course be completely barking up the wrong tree.

When I was going through a break-up I found great advice watching Matt Hussey's youtube channel. This might be a good place to start

It's a rough time though, there's no getting away from it- hope you feel much better soon.

- YouTube

Enjoy the videos and music that you love, upload original content and share it all with friends, family and the world on YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5WxLrDnkFg

TimeForTeaAndG · 23/06/2025 12:56

He's in the phase of making sure this new woman thinks he's god's gift. That's all. He'll soon revert to type.

As shit as it is, try and ignore him. Take him off your social media accounts etc. Speak only about your DC. Keep a reminder of why you ended it so you can read it whenever you feel sad, and be grateful you no longer have to put up with him.

Original poster

Stuckkkk · 23/06/2025 13:10

Is it ok to break up with somebody that you still love?

as Hard as it is I have to accept that if he wanted me, he wouldn’t be with her.

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Original poster

Stuckkkk · 23/06/2025 13:12

Never thought that this would be my life in my mid 30’s. I feel like such a failure

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Ahsheeit · 23/06/2025 13:13

She's seeing the sanitised, public face version of him, not the lazy, disrespectful slob that you ended up with.

You're the one that the kids will know has always been their constant whilst their father shags around, paying them no attention.

Let him crack on with it. It's not him you want, it's who you thought he was in the early days.

Ahsheeit · 23/06/2025 13:14

Oh, and you're not the failure - he is.

Shetlands · 23/06/2025 13:14

Keep focusing on why you ended the relationship. He wasn't a good partner and he didn't help with the children. You're better off without him.

Of course it's hard to see him with someone else so soon but the novelty will wear off for him and then he'll be just as useless with her as he was with you.

ARichtGoodDram · 23/06/2025 13:17

Stuckkkk · 23/06/2025 13:12

Never thought that this would be my life in my mid 30’s. I feel like such a failure

Taking the steps to end a long term relationship because he's not treating you right is the polar opposite of failure.

ThatCyanCat · 23/06/2025 13:17

Stuckkkk · 23/06/2025 13:10

Is it ok to break up with somebody that you still love?

as Hard as it is I have to accept that if he wanted me, he wouldn’t be with her.

Is it ok to break up with somebody that you still love?

People do it all the time. Love isn't always enough. And even if you love them, if they don't love you too, you'll always be in torment. Like you were.

He might be treating her better because it's honeymoon period, or perhaps they're a genuinely more compatible match... doesn't matter. He didn't love you enough to give you what you deserve or have you in his considerations and that's a soul killer.

Original poster

Stuckkkk · 23/06/2025 13:23

Thank you so much, can’t stop crying reading these replies

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Meandmyguy · 23/06/2025 13:25

Seems like all the previous posters have met him.

He wasn't out of order not helping with the kids , absolutely.

He's moved on op, time for you to do the same.

InBedBy10 · 23/06/2025 13:25

You may love him but he doesn't love you.

As others have said, he's showing this new girl his best version. Its not real. He'll soon be treating her the way he did you. Stop focusing on them.

I'm 2yrs out of a 20yr relationship for some of the same reasons as you. It's soul destroying being with someone you know deep down doesn't care about you. Took me a long time to get my confidence back. You'll get there and you'll be happier than ever when you do.

Original poster

Stuckkkk · 23/06/2025 13:39

InBedBy10 · 23/06/2025 13:25

You may love him but he doesn't love you.

As others have said, he's showing this new girl his best version. Its not real. He'll soon be treating her the way he did you. Stop focusing on them.

I'm 2yrs out of a 20yr relationship for some of the same reasons as you. It's soul destroying being with someone you know deep down doesn't care about you. Took me a long time to get my confidence back. You'll get there and you'll be happier than ever when you do.

How old was you when this happened? I feel like my life is over.

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CurlyKoalie · 23/06/2025 13:48

Being in love doesn't always mean that's the one you will settle down with and grow old with. Different stages of your life might mean that at different stages different characteristics appeal. You seem to think that because you still love your ex, you are doomed to not having another relationship - this is simply not the case.
You might just need a partner with different priorities. Don't feel guilty about thinking of you ex with fondness either. You had lots of good times together,but it's time for you both to move on.

Original poster

Stuckkkk · 23/06/2025 13:56

CurlyKoalie · 23/06/2025 13:48

Being in love doesn't always mean that's the one you will settle down with and grow old with. Different stages of your life might mean that at different stages different characteristics appeal. You seem to think that because you still love your ex, you are doomed to not having another relationship - this is simply not the case.
You might just need a partner with different priorities. Don't feel guilty about thinking of you ex with fondness either. You had lots of good times together,but it's time for you both to move on.

That makes sense, we are not into the same things, he likes going to weekend long festivals and living like he is in his teens. I am quite happy at home with my family right now and need somebody who wants the same thing.

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littleburn · 23/06/2025 13:58

OP I know it’s hard now - and will be for some time - but you’ve made the right decision. What would the alternative be? Many more years of you not being supported and being unhappy? You’re in the post-break up phase and it’s tough, but every day you’re moving away from the toxicity of your old relationship and building a new life, even if it doesn’t feel like that right now.

You say he’s met someone else so it’s ’not meant to be’. Were you hoping the shock of break up with him would make him change and step up? Unfortunately you can’t manipulate someone into being a better person, they have to want to do that and put in all the hard work that will involve. Most people will choose what is easy over what is hard. It’s a million times easier for him to move on with someone new than to be accountable for and address his failings as a partner to you. That in no way means his new partner is better or more deserving than you. Nor does it mean he’s had some magical, overnight change of personality and is a better partner to her. It just means she doesn’t know him all that well yet.

Original poster

Stuckkkk · 23/06/2025 14:03

littleburn · 23/06/2025 13:58

OP I know it’s hard now - and will be for some time - but you’ve made the right decision. What would the alternative be? Many more years of you not being supported and being unhappy? You’re in the post-break up phase and it’s tough, but every day you’re moving away from the toxicity of your old relationship and building a new life, even if it doesn’t feel like that right now.

You say he’s met someone else so it’s ’not meant to be’. Were you hoping the shock of break up with him would make him change and step up? Unfortunately you can’t manipulate someone into being a better person, they have to want to do that and put in all the hard work that will involve. Most people will choose what is easy over what is hard. It’s a million times easier for him to move on with someone new than to be accountable for and address his failings as a partner to you. That in no way means his new partner is better or more deserving than you. Nor does it mean he’s had some magical, overnight change of personality and is a better partner to her. It just means she doesn’t know him all that well yet.

I just feel a bit stupid too, the amount of times he went out with her when we were together and how he told me she wasn’t a patch on me etc as I did question it at times.

OP posts:

Original poster

Stuckkkk · 23/06/2025 14:07

littleburn · 23/06/2025 13:58

OP I know it’s hard now - and will be for some time - but you’ve made the right decision. What would the alternative be? Many more years of you not being supported and being unhappy? You’re in the post-break up phase and it’s tough, but every day you’re moving away from the toxicity of your old relationship and building a new life, even if it doesn’t feel like that right now.

You say he’s met someone else so it’s ’not meant to be’. Were you hoping the shock of break up with him would make him change and step up? Unfortunately you can’t manipulate someone into being a better person, they have to want to do that and put in all the hard work that will involve. Most people will choose what is easy over what is hard. It’s a million times easier for him to move on with someone new than to be accountable for and address his failings as a partner to you. That in no way means his new partner is better or more deserving than you. Nor does it mean he’s had some magical, overnight change of personality and is a better partner to her. It just means she doesn’t know him all that well yet.

I just didn’t expect him to meet somebody else so soon, like I meant nothing and now he is really happy and I am broken.

OP posts:

ThatCyanCat · 23/06/2025 14:09

Stuckkkk · 23/06/2025 14:03

I just feel a bit stupid too, the amount of times he went out with her when we were together and how he told me she wasn’t a patch on me etc as I did question it at times.

Show quote history

He was cheating on you with her, then? Well that's certainly grounds to end it, especially since he was treating you so badly in other ways too.

You're not stupid, you trusted your life partner. He was dishonest and untrue. But you need to take your heart back until you find someone who will treat it like you deserve. I don't think the person you're in love with actually exists.

GoldDuster · 23/06/2025 14:12

it wasn’t working, he did what he pleased and didn’t help with the kids etc.

Your life isn't over. The phase of your life where you're living with a man who doesn't respect you, or behave like he even likes you is over. And that sounds like a good thing to me.

You might feel like you love him, you could feel heartbroken that you're alone and life didn't turn out like you'd envisaged it would. That's different to feeling like you're missing out on a loving healthy relationship with him, because it doesn't sound like you had one.

You will move past this, and in time you'll realise that he was more of a habit than someone you were in love with. You're young, and it's entirely possible that you will now meet someone who will knock your socks off and show you what you've been missing all these years putting up with your ex. Take some time to work out what you want out of a relationship, and what kind of person would provide that for you. You'll get over him, I promise. He's done you a favour.

Original poster

Stuckkkk · 23/06/2025 14:20

GoldDuster · 23/06/2025 14:12

it wasn’t working, he did what he pleased and didn’t help with the kids etc.

Your life isn't over. The phase of your life where you're living with a man who doesn't respect you, or behave like he even likes you is over. And that sounds like a good thing to me.

You might feel like you love him, you could feel heartbroken that you're alone and life didn't turn out like you'd envisaged it would. That's different to feeling like you're missing out on a loving healthy relationship with him, because it doesn't sound like you had one.

You will move past this, and in time you'll realise that he was more of a habit than someone you were in love with. You're young, and it's entirely possible that you will now meet someone who will knock your socks off and show you what you've been missing all these years putting up with your ex. Take some time to work out what you want out of a relationship, and what kind of person would provide that for you. You'll get over him, I promise. He's done you a favour.

I will read this over and over

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Fluffypotatoe123987 · 23/06/2025 14:37

I know the feeling.

Best thing dont look and dont ask
Download bumble
Get a fwb

Fluffypotatoe123987 · 23/06/2025 14:41

2nd relationship post divorce is the worst. Remember when dating you are not married as everything you wanted to do with him you give to someone new and over give.

I split 3 years this xmas mid 30s had a 2 year relationship str8 after and my god it killed me off. I like sex and connection but i dont want to be told what to do or even thinking about what they want. So fwb every sunday is great and we text and go out sundays with some fun. Made me realise how men are supposed to treat women. Im also focussing on myself ive tried pole fit ive been to lake garda and drove there and iv booked to go again plus venice shortly with my mum while there dad has kids for the weekend. Spoil yourself

Fluffypotatoe123987 · 23/06/2025 14:42

And skiing lessons soon as well