To still love my ex?

[Stuckkkk]

I ended my 17 year relationship last year, it wasn’t working, he did what he pleased and didn’t help with the kids etc. I was sure when I made the decision, however, he met somebody else within a few weeks and I have just been heartbroken ever since, they seem to have such a good life, holidays etc and I’m still just stuck, I have my wonderful kids etc but I can’t move on, if it was
meant to be he wouldn’t have met somebody else and I get that but it’s so hard.

Your life is nowhere near over! You must've been with him from very young if it's 17 years and you're still only mid-30s. Congratulate yourself on getting out when you did and not setting yourself up for a lifetime trapped with the wrong man - which is 100% what he is as you knew when you left him and have been proved right by his actions since. Hang onto that certainty you had and don't get conned by him moving on. He's clearly incapable of being alone, as many pathetic men are, and his new woman will in time very likely be envying your freedom and strength that you got by getting rid of him. Leave them to it and know you've done the right thing. These feelings that you love/are in love with him are your feelings, not based on him in reality, and are about your needs he'd never meet.

Focus your love on yourself and your DC for now and find out who you are without him. It's understandable that having been together for probably half your life, there'll be a period of adjustment, but you're doing the right thing pushing through it rather than what he's doing, jumping straight into another relationship. You've got another 50 years or so to find yourself, find love and have adventures, all of which will be way more fun than 50 years saddled with him!!

I suppose I wish I would have done this 10 years ago, however I wouldn’t have my wonderful children.

Understandable to have regrets, but still better that you didn't wait another 10 years and brilliant that you've got out now, that can't have been easy. I think that in this period there will be many 'what ifs' swirling and shifting so don't be too hard on yourself or too extreme - that your life is over, that you're still in love etc. The reality is you've taken control of your story and can shape it yourself now. The past is done and has, as you say, given you those wonderful children. Today and tomorrow will bring you new things, so try not to look back and wish things were different. It's all moving in the right direction and you've got this.

I read a thread about a woman in my position and she was worried she had lost her looks at 35, spiralled a bit from that.

Well done for ending a one sided relationship, you have your DC and you are the lucky ones. Your ex will go from woman to woman in life, only after an ego boost and wanting a drinking partner for festivals, he doesn’t do adulting and is allergic to responsibilities. He’s the perpetual 18 year old lad, of course it didn’t work, he is only out for himself and you know damn well you are worth more!
It feels like, right now that you’re alone and he is having fun, in a few years you will look at him and count your blessings as he starts to resemble Shaun Ryder, who partied to excess.

Ha, well, that's what I meant about focusing your love on yourself, because judging your worth on looks won't help either, although if it helps I'm nearly 50 and still gorgeous! In my head at least, which is where it really counts. You sound switched on and self-aware to know you're spiralling off a random post, that's all it is. Go and do something that makes you feel better - walk, wank, watch a fun show, whatever helps lift your mood and snap you out of the spiral.

Yes but quite a few men will just latch on to the nearest and easiest thing post breakup, (or at anytime really), some of them just dont want to be alone. Perhaps he doesn't think she's a patch on you, but she's just there and he's getting sex.

If they knew each other already, she was convenient and it’s another example of his laziness. They’re in the honeymoon period and of course he’s going to show her his best side. There could be anything going on behind closed doors, and if he doesn’t pull his weight she might be realising this too. Or hopefully will soon.
Be thankful it’s over and you don’t have to put up with him any more. It’s really difficult to see an ex move on, but this is no reflection of you. It shows how shallow he is.

Shallow in what way?

You made the correct decision for everyone, given that he moved on so quick too, life is forever changing and it will improve for you, take this time to work on yourself, heal old wounds, treat yourself kindly.

@Stuckkkk to have moved on so quickly to get his needs met, like a lot of men (and perhaps some women) do. Probably didn’t care who it was, just that he wasn’t alone. No time taken to reflect on what went wrong in the relationship and take accountability for his actions so it doesn’t happen again. He hopped from one relationship to another. That’s shallow. You deserve better so don’t let him back if this one doesn’t work out.

Thank you

Where are you at now? Are you genuinely happier?

Emphasize again from my previous post. Move on.
Think of your ex fondly for the good times you both had and for your wonderful children.
You will have to have some sort of new relationship with him if you are going to share some parenting responsibilities.
Don't torture yourself with what he is doing now. Don't dissect every incident up to your break up.
As long as you are doing that you are not giving yourself permission to move on.

I think that is it, allowing myself to move on and realise not every decision you make is easy. I
made the decision as I felt it was best at the time, which is all we can do.

I left my ex after 17 years, he met someone else within weeks, a year later as I was about to move out of emergency accommodation, into my forever home, he ditched gf and asked if we could get back together. I laughed because, after years of putting the children and I last on his list of priorities and being a cunt, he thought I still wanted him!

have you met somebody new now? Did he contact you at all in the year after the break up or just lived his selfish life?

I honestly hate thinking of them together but I am glad I didn’t jump straight into another relationship.