Mil nagging us to move closer to her because she wants my bf closer to her

[Millijille]

one thing my mil is good at is nagging🥲 shes great other wise. I have a daughter from past relationship who goes in school. Me and him don’t live togheter yet but we kinda did the dumb think and talked about it infront of my mil. Driving to her takes like 35 min so is not hours away, like she makes is sound like. Theres a house just next by her who will be put in sale soon and shes been NAGGING us about it, that its good for kids and very kid friendly but main reason that she wants my bf closer to her, like walk distance neighbour. I just like yea no.. i heard is never a good idea to move THAT close to inlaws makes it a bit harder since my mil is alone swithout a husband since 10 years ago. So i guess my bf is her most man figure in her life. My bf is stressing over it. It kinda makes me feel like he gets easly manipulated by her nagging. I told him that he be moving there by himself since im not moving there, its so far from everything. Also i don’t drive or have license. I want to live nearby where kid goes to school or at least not that far away. Also im not a fan of where my mil lives. Plus she only want us to move there for her own tought. Because she wants my bf close. She also own an annoying untrained dog that i don’t want to petsit to either. Or have mil just popping up in the house when she wants. Im there be like yea but don’t mil think i also have parents? That she most thinking about herself in this situation

If your bf is giving more importance to what his mum wants than maintaining stability for your existing child, he is not good enough to become a step father.

Good for you for refusing to move and for putting your child first.

@CopperWhite thanks. If we got married we been togheter for 4 years now.

but anyways i don’t want his mom to have a say in our choices as a couple. She may not have anything bad behind it but shes thinking about what SHE wants and nagging about it till my bf says yes to her. I can’t say he can’t move there but i can say for me and my kid. My kid comes before his mom and what she wants. Because my kid is not being considered in her «suggestion» and she only using that its so god for kids and kid friendly there because she wants him there

If he’s your boyfriend then she can’t be your mil.

How old is she? She probably just misses her son. She may well not be lonely or come over that much. You are definitely right though obviously to put your dc first

@mummyto9angels About 63 years old. Lol i told my bf maybe she needs a man because i think she sees my bf as the only man figure in her life for help and stuff he has a sister.i feel like That she is thinking that im taking him away from her wich is not true! But i think she misses him a lot. why she texted me that she wanted her son closer to her. Like driving to her just takes 35 min.. not hours.. but she wants us (him) to be her neighbour’s. Like i feel sad for her that she mostly has her dog and her mom. But i also think its time for her to let my bf choose his own life. Becuase my bf told me once that she would have loved to have him living in her home

@Overtheatlantic bfs mom then

Personally I’d never want to live too close to my parents as they’d dropping in every five minutes - they really don’t know about boundaries, but I can’t blame a parent for wanting to be close to their adult children. I always think about how I’d like to be treated as a MIL and things that might hurt me when responding to my MIL, but I definitely wouldn’t get pressured into something huge like a move etc.

@Pinepeak2434 yea i do see also why they want i would understand way more if we lived hours away. But also is not up to them to decide for their adult son. Especially since she already lived her life now its time to let go off him and let him life his life. My bf also admitted that she would be dropping in a lot especially since shes lonley. But i have a feeling she hates me for prob not wanitng to live close to her or that she thinks im «taking» her son from her, wich sounds stupid since shes still his mom. But then i ask myself, why should i think about her when she doesn’t think about my DC Losing friends and people.

Another post filled up with people thinking mums and sons shouldn’t be close ! Ffs you don’t just stop having a mum or being a mum to a son because a female comes along and decides she is the boss !

@Millijille have a sit down with your bf and chat about future plans ,expectations if they don’t match the move on .

Another post filled up with people thinking mums and sons shouldn’t be close ! Ffs you don’t jsit stop having a mum or being a mum to a son because a female comes along and decides she is the boss !

@Millijille have a sit down with your bf and chat about future plans ,expectations if they don’t match then move on .

Your child and their needs come first. That’s your answer, and where you live now suits that.

i also expected you to live hours away, not 35 minutes.

@Imbusytodaysorry my bf sure loves his mum, but he also busy with work n stuff so he tries his best to visit her, its okay for son and mom to be close in my opinion but not to the point when they want to interfere in things that ain’t theirs to do. I did tell him that he should be choosing what he wants not what his mom wants him to do. Especially since she took it as a yes when he didn’t even say yes and was nagging him all day. Including me. I just didn’t know what to say to her anymore that i kinda ghosted her. So she didn’t snap at me.

I was mainly commenting on the amount of comments here “mummies boy “ etc .

I agree when boys grow up they then make their own families. That means letting go and letting them be their own man and make their own choices . He shouldn’t be guilt tripped by his mum. She should want him to be happy .

You need to be vocal and ask your b.f what he wants. Not his mum but him.
Then see if it matches with the future plans you had in mind.

@Imbusytodaysorry aa yea i see. His mom can be pretty manipulative by making it about her and whats best for her. And i can see it puts such strain into their relationship because he is not a kid or a teen anymore but a full grown adult 28 years old who can make his own choices. He once mentioned that his mom think shes being helpful and all that even tough she doesn’t see that it can come out as nagging and interfering with the guilt trip. And shes even guilt tripping me by saying she wants her son close to her would be so fantastic! So im thinking there like « okay so this is about you?» not what he wants or not even a taught that i have a DC i need to priotize

Instead of ghosting bf’s mum, be direct, tell her you won’t be moving nearer to her, that you and DD are happy where you are. If she snaps at you, then ghost her or block.
If your bf decides to move, that’s up to him and you can get on with your life without him.

@SpryCat she can be a pain in the ass when you don’t want what she thinks is best for u, and spam you on message, i can’t decide for him ofc but that would tell me that he got manipulated by her words. Like its not our fault mil wants to live further on land, and blaming us for living near the city. Its also not our fault if she dosn’t have a spouse and sees her son as closest man figure in her life. Because i want to marry him, not his mom😆😅

Do what is best for your children ie don’t move away from their school when friends are most likely nearby for play dates etc. And block her number. She’s your bf’s mum, not your mil.

@Cherrysoup school she may have to change sadly but i would live in a closer area where she could still see her friends in walking distance, but that depends on rents. But his mom is not on my priotory list.

It’s called sarcasm.

You don't drive, your child is settled where she is. You don't know if living together will work out. So it's not a good time to buy a house together. And that's before you add MIL to the equation.

@justasking111 i prob be having her over everyday if i moved there lol since the house she said is just 2-3 min walking distance from hers. She even said we could switch if we wanted that we take her (smoke smelling, covered walls in smoke and floor ripped in dog claws ) home if we moved there, yiles no thanks to both

She's my age and unless she has a disability she's perfectly capable of creating a life of interests, employment, business, creativity, friends, a relationship etc. She's building her whole life on her son, who maybe isn't particularly young? If he's 30-40 or so his habits will be far more set than if he's 20 or so. Harder to break.

Just no.

How would that be feasible for you going further on?

He can move in next to her and remain your boyfriend. You move where you want or somewhere else…I would say very very far from them both!

I think we've got to get over issues towards unmarried couples not being seen as equals! When you've been with someone for a long time it's absolutely fine to view their parents as in laws. I've been with my partner for 22 years so his mum and stepdad are family even if we aren't married!

When you've not ventured into living with each other yet, the last thing you want is an MIL breathing down your neck rushing you into marriage and kids when you've never even lived together!
Her comment about swapping houses os concerning also in case this is her wanting her son to buy her a nicer house and trying to stitch him up with taking her house which would be another house she will make stink of dogs and smoke.

When we go away our in laws feed our cats for us, it helps us out but equally I'm annoyed when I find out they've been snooping in our bedrooms etc! So if it wasn't for the cats, I'd prefer living UK a different town to them and definitely wouldn't live on the same street.