Mil nagging us to move closer to her because she wants my bf closer to her

[Millijille]

one thing my mil is good at is nagging🥲 shes great other wise. I have a daughter from past relationship who goes in school. Me and him don’t live togheter yet but we kinda did the dumb think and talked about it infront of my mil. Driving to her takes like 35 min so is not hours away, like she makes is sound like. Theres a house just next by her who will be put in sale soon and shes been NAGGING us about it, that its good for kids and very kid friendly but main reason that she wants my bf closer to her, like walk distance neighbour. I just like yea no.. i heard is never a good idea to move THAT close to inlaws makes it a bit harder since my mil is alone swithout a husband since 10 years ago. So i guess my bf is her most man figure in her life. My bf is stressing over it. It kinda makes me feel like he gets easly manipulated by her nagging. I told him that he be moving there by himself since im not moving there, its so far from everything. Also i don’t drive or have license. I want to live nearby where kid goes to school or at least not that far away. Also im not a fan of where my mil lives. Plus she only want us to move there for her own tought. Because she wants my bf close. She also own an annoying untrained dog that i don’t want to petsit to either. Or have mil just popping up in the house when she wants. Im there be like yea but don’t mil think i also have parents? That she most thinking about herself in this situation

You don't want to. Ask your boy friend to make up his mind, he can move closer to his mum as a single man, or move in together with you in a different location. You can't make that decision for him.

I don't think I'd want this set up either unless I really really liked my MIL and depended on her a lot for childcare. And even then.

Well, I think you can judge whether this man is a keeper by whether he does choose to move nearer his mum.

It would be a hard no from me , in fact it was 40 years ago when my own MIL suggested similar. I would not have wanted to live by my own parents either.

He needs to make his own decision, but if it’s not what you want , let him know before it goes further.

Blimey I thought you were going to say you were 8 hours drive away. 35 minutes is nothing ... Just right actually! My 2 DC live 20-30 minutes drive away, and I don't give it a thought!

YANBU. You need to have your B/F onside here though!

Don't shack up with a boy who cant stand up to his mummy.

Nobody has EVER said oh my husband puts his mum first all the time, never stands up to her, she nags and nags until she gets her own way, he would never consider what I want to matter more, we moved right next to her and we've had 40 years of married bliss because of it

(And for the love of god don't have a kid with a mummy's boy either!)

So you have a husband and a boyfriend? And your husband’s mother (your MIL) for some reason wants your boyfriend to live near her?

You really can’t work out the post???

35 minutes away is already practically on the doorstep, and way too close. Don't give in to the nonsense - or ditch the boyfriend!

Beware the mummy's boy. If he hasn't already said no, he is a wet lettuce and everything you're worried about will happen.

She will be round all the time, calling him over, getting him to do things. She will treat your home as hers, she will get a key off him and you'll look up and she'll be standing in your front room.

She will have opinions on your decor, your childcare, your appearance ... If you have a kid together she will muscle in.

There will be a constant voice in his ear. 'Mum says ...' will be a phrase you'll be sick of.

She needs to develop her own life. She's had ten years to move on and do that. I imagine she's not that old? Giving in to this will be the start of so much more.

Say no, keep saying no. It may be he will choose her - and you'll have had a narrow escape.

And what if the relationship ends after you've moved near your boyfriends mother?

Your responsibility is your child, not your boyfriend. Your child needs to live near their parents and their school. Where your boyfriend’s mum lives is entirely irrelevant to where you and your child lives. Don’t even consider putting your boyfriend’s convenience above your child’s.

No.
That's the answer on repeat. If he leaves you over this then great, you've lost a wimp.

Yabu unreasonable for your first sentence alone

Of course I can 😀. I was being pedantic with the use of MIL when she isn’t married

@JFDIYOLO exactly what i heard from other stories. «Putting those things in the wall??!!», «wait i have some nice deocors». Its not like we live hours away from her, or looking for a house hours away either. I don’t want to become her caretaker either or where my bf gets tons of calls about help this help that or having to keep her dog in our home to petsit. I also think mil need to live her life and let him live his own life, he will always be her son and drive to her. But i feel like she expecting him to be as close as possible. I love my parents and take buss to visit them but even myself would not want to live right next to my own parents either. I did tell him that he can live there but i won’t follow him. Because it isn’t about us its only about mil wanting him to 2-3 min walking distance. Because he even said that he thinks my mil got her dog just because he loved his childhood dog so much that it make him visit her more

@Cynic17 fr i even live 20 min away from mine to

@Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast i think is about her missing having him close as possible to her. But then i feel like she would be there all the time. Where i would go craycray. I don’t think she realized how much she nags just to get her way. Like if we ever got married i don’t wsnt to feel like im marrying both of them.

hes implying that he needs a house he owns. Would have been better if it wasn’t like right next to his mom

She’s not really your MIL, she’s your current boyfriend’s Mum, you don’t even live together. She’s not your problem. You’ve told him you don’t want to move closer for very valid reasons and he can either accept it or not. You’ve got a child in school - they come first.

@Moveoverdarlin Probs right i just feel like easier said. And thats what my tought to, my kid comes first not what his mom wants, his mom just uses that its soo kid friendly so she can get what she wants, him moving closer to her thats her. That means my kid loosing her friends aswell. She may not be able to go in the same school if we move away sadly because of expensive houses but not far from the people she knows. I did tell him that we should be the ones finding our own home without mil thinking she has a say in that choice

Tell him move himself.
Put your child first.
Do not mess up their schooling for this man.
Your child needs to be your priority, not this man and his mother.
Tell him you are not moving anywhere.

Your boyfriend’s mother has absolutely no bearing on your life. If in time you get married then I’d worry about it then. Make it clear you have no intention of ever moving. Then he can decide who’s more important to him .

@Burntlemon he also unsure about it since i told him i won’t be moving with him there. That his mom has no say in decicions about us two togheter. I can’t say no to him if he wants to move there but i can decide for myself and for me is a no. Shes lonley so i know we would be having her lots over for visit. And to much for my liking. Shes also thinking about grandkids we don’t even have yet

Smile and nod. And ignore.

Well, I think you sound controlling over someone you don’t live with and aren’t married to. You have a child to consider in this. If this was my DS, I’d be concerned he was committing to someone with a lot of responsibilities and who uses words like ‘nagging’ to undermine women.

@Dearg i did let him know that its a no from me. His mom is lonley so i know she would find ways to visit us more than once in a week and bring that yappy untraiend dog over that i can’t stand. My bf isn’t very close to his mom or maybe. She also send me a message or lots that if its a place i would like to live and that she would be happy and thrilled to have her son closer to her that it would be nice, kinda making it feel like she would call him over for help often and petsit. Maybe including me if im home. I know this sounds mean but im don’t wanna be her caregiver.

@upandleftthenright sorry not sorry my kid comes first before her wishes. Are you a mil maybe? If then so i can get your answer. U don’t know her and yea SHE NAGGS its why my bf haven’t seen her for months or weeks before being with me to.