Job interview - can’t cope

[anxious332]

I applied for a promotion at work and have an interview on Wednesday. I went for it because I felt it would be good for my family if I could earn more money. However, I’m now feeling incredibly anxious and wishing desperately I hadn’t gone for it. I am a highly nervous and anxious person (though mask it reasonably well) and don’t feel I could deal with the responsibility that would come with this more senior role. I’m happy in my current position and even though the pay would be about 10K more, I know I would struggle mentally with the extra pressure.

If I pull out of the interview now will this impact on my relationship with senior staff? I’m worried that if I do pull out I’ll annoy everyone for wasting their time. Feeling so low today and just don’t know what to do.

”having given this a great deal of thought, I am withdrawing my application on ten grounds that the position is not compatible with my current family circumstances”

Oh thank you - feeling slightly calmer already just reading that.

If you do feel you need to withdraw then @Somewhat81s reply is very good

But, I’m sure someone less qualified and less diligent has put up their hand without a second thought. I’m sure that with the right training and a little time (which your company will know given they know your current job) you could do a brilliant job. Don’t let the gremlins win (easier said than done).

The fact you’ve been invited to interview suggests the management think you are capable but you could use Wednesdays chat to say you’re keen to progress but would like to know what support or training is in place for new managers?

Yes, withdraw your application. There's enough to cope with in life without your job, where you spend so much time, making you miserable.

You don't have to elaborate further than Somewhat81 suggests.

The above response is absolutely perfect

However if it's just about the interview, I've often seen people (especially women) talk themselves out of going for promotions because of imposter syndrome, interview anxiety and because they think people will judge them for going for it.

If you are completely honest, is it the job or is it anxiety?

If its not the job and its the worry of failing. You already don't have the job, if you go for it and fail you'll come out in the exact same position as if you withdraw

However there's a chance that you won't and you'll get it! There's a chance you'll exceed your expectations

I've interviewed lots of members of my team for promotions. Lots of them have got it. Some haven't

The ones who haven't, no one thinks badly off. We dont think they were ridiculous for trying. Some have then got interview coaching, tips or even help with being given development experience so the next time a job comes up and they really really want it, they can really thrive.

I wouldn't think badly for you if you withdrew but I always think it's worth trying.

Again different if it's genuinely that the job is a poor fit

I’m not afraid of failing the interview - in fact I want to fail because I’m so afraid of getting the job and having to take on the extra pressure! Having seen my colleague in the role, I genuinely don’t believe I’m up to it either - both from a confidence and an intellectual point of view. I know people say that’s a lack of confidence thing, but honestly, I’m just being realistic about my limitations. I’m very good at my current level but don’t feel I have what it takes to be more senior.

Completely understandable and wise to withdraw then

It's a reasonable thing to look at a job and decide if you are a good fit, or if it's even a job you want to do.

Its easy to feel like you should go for promotions/ progress / earn more money but sometimes it can take you away from the job you like doing and the reason you came into the job

Sometimes the extra money just isn't worth it! The step above me definitely isn't

I wanted to comment just in case, simply because I've recently seen a lot of women withdraw from stuff because of the fear of seeing like they've got ideas above themselves

Why not go along for the interview, with a view to NOT taking the job. If they offer it to you, it will be a boost to your confidence that your management clearly think you are capable.

Worry about whether to accept it IF they offer you the job.

If you don't want it, use @Somewhat81 wording and withdraw then.

Thank you. Do you think the senior people will be annoyed I’ve wasted their time?

DH says I should still go to the interview and ask questions about the role as that might change my mind. I’m not sure I can face it.

I would go for the interview. This is very much a conversation between you and them. I would tell them what you can bring to the table and also state the areas that concern you. They will be able to tell you what training and support they can and cannot provide. If they feel you are not ready they won't offer you the job. If they offer you the job but you feel the training/support will not be sufficient then you decline the promotion.

Cross post @Meadowfinch ! That was partly DH’s thinking as well.

There's nothing wrong with stating that on reflection you feel you're not quite ready for that level of responsibility.

As you don't want to waste their time you're withdrawing your application.
That you are happy in your current role and feel it's a better fit for you going forward.

It's better to do that rather than prepare and stress over an interview process and probably you wouldn't get the job anyway if what you say about your abilities is true.

They can't penalise you for applying, withdrawing, failing the interview etc. that would be against any company policy I'd hope.

Thank you. The thought of going to an interview and just being honest - about my strengths and my weaknesses - does take the pressure off. It’s going in and pretending to be someone I’m not (i.e. trying to come across more confident and capable than I am) that I’m dreadful at!

No, they’d rather you withdraw now than go through the interview process. That really would be time wasting.
Just say as suggested by PPs that on reflection it’s not for you, and remember to thank them for shortlisting you.

What’s the best response - not compatible with my family circumstances or that I’m not ready for the responsibility?

Good grief the former

Thanks. Can you tell I’m rubbish at this sort of thing!

If you don’t want the job then you are in a fortunate position. Go to the interview and be brutally honest - not in a ‘talk yourself down’ way, but in a ‘these would be my priorities and I’d need training and development in xxx area to enable me to do that’.

My friend was in a similar position. She didn’t really want the job but because she had the opportunity to sit in from of the decision makers for 45 minutes she was able to talk to them about what she could do. She didn’t get the job but she impressed them and they created a new role for her in an area where she was more comfortable.

In the not too distant past you did think you were ready for the role and were interested. Has anything changed since then? If not, I would be minded to go along for the interview. It is also good to keep your hand in interviews anyway even if that means not always getting the role. People get into the position where they haven’t interviewed in 15/20 years and can become too anxious to interview again and can get stuck.

This. What made you apply op? What’s changed from then?

its hard to tell from what you have written if you are just overly anxious and giving into those feelings.

Google impostor syndrome strategies.

It was partly the idea of earning more money (and feeling I owe my family that if it’s an option) and partly that I felt I almost had to apply due to encouragement from several colleagues. I had doubts at the time but they’ve only got worse as the interview has approached.

Are you prone to anxiety generally Op?

what does your partner think about the role?

It’s totally fine if you feel you can’t but I would give the interview a go anyway, it’s good practice and it might give you a confidence boost.

I have withdrawn from an interview before in this exact same position, for similar reasons.

I agonised about it for days, got myself into a real state.
After I'd done it though, the relief was huge. I knew it was the right thing to do, and the right thing for me.

Sometimes it's braver to be honest and politely say 'no'.

Good luck OP!

I also applied due to encouragement of colleagues. Throughout I was more worried about their thoughts about me than if I wanted the job,...
Ironically my sense of pride and achievement came from turning down the interview and recognising it wasn't what I wanted.