To feel utterly heartbroken at cancelling holiday

[ladydorito]

Sorry it's long. I don't know if it's a combination of everything that's happened but I'm honestly feeling on the edge of a breakdown. We should be right now arriving at a lovely hotel after a hellish few months.

I have one DD (just turned 2). Complicated and worrying pregnancy and traumatic birth. Since contracting bronchiolitis as a 6 month old she has struggled so badly with respiratory issues. We've had to take her to A and E about eight times since last winter with croup, chest infections and viral infections. She can't throw anything off herself, it's always a steroid at best, antibiotics and once was admitted overnight for oxygen.

We said no to a big family holiday with grandparents in January because she'd had a bad viral infection on our last holiday that required a day in hospital for monitoring and spoilt it - so thought we'd wait until summer to give her the best chance of not contracting anything before we go. Good choice as I found out I was pregnant again in January.

Very sadly the pregnancy was a missed miscarriage, ended up having a D and C and was then told it was a partial molar which required a lot of monitoring to ensure there was no cancer from the abnormal cells. Horrible to live through but as soon as we were given the clear from hospital, we booked a no expense spared holiday to Greece for me, DH and DD. Last week my parents decided at last minute they would also fly out and join us there - all set to make memories and put the past few awful months behind us.

Fast forward this week and, you guessed it, DD comes down with something chesty that makes her cough and wheeze. She was prescribed antibiotics (also suspected ear infection) and extra inhaler and given a steroid, and after a nail biting week, her nurse godmother came and gave her a good exam yesterday and said while she was still a bit wheezy she was good to fly.

I was in the supermarket looking for some last minute bits when husband called and said she'd started vomiting. Immediately we knew we couldn't go with just six hours until we were due to set off to the airport. She vomited a lot at home and insurance and holiday company both said we needed to take her to hospital to have medical evidence, which we did, so it was a four hour A and E job which I felt so guilty about as strictly speaking we didn't need to be there medically, but needed documentation she was unwell.

I just can't believe it. She's napping now and is, thank God, improving. But I have severe health anxiety, am still dealing with the aftermath of the molar pregnancy, and this holiday was the one thing we were clinging to as a family. It sounds so dramatic but I just want to scream in the shower about how unbelievably shit it all is. Nightmare thoughts about losing my daughter are stalking my mind, or that she's got some awful undiagnosed condition that is causing all this.

I think what I really need is to just write all this out and feeling like I'm not screaming into the void but if anyone has any words of comfort or advice, I'd so appreciate them.

It’s ok to feel upset and gutted about the holiday. Just think of yourself as being lucky that it happened before you set off and not on the plane or when you got there. You will be able to rearrange the holiday and hopefully the insurance claim will cover it. Good luck and I hope she feels better soon!

Sorry OP, that does indeed sound like shit. I hope the insurance covers everything.

Is it just a vomiting bug? Can you not look into flights in a couple of days time?

My best mate had to fly out 4 days late to a 1 week holiday with one of their DDs as she got a D&V bug. The travel company charged a fee to swap the outbound flights but they at least got 3 days. Their insurance didn't cover sick bugs though!

I’d be gutted too. We are supposed to be on holiday now on a dream trip with my parents as a kind of last ever trip abroad as my dad is now 85 and in poor health. He fell ill last week and we had to cancel. No hope of ever getting him insurance again so that’s it. It fucking sucks. I’m glad your DD is on the mend now.

Sorry op I can understand why you are so sad; it’s bloody unfair.
Have a good scream if you want to, it won’t change anything but sometimes helps physically.

Kids get over illness quickly.
Can you just fly out in two days?

I’m sorry your health anxiety is being such an obstacle to your family’s life, that sounds so tough!!
I do think a lot of what you’ve written is just normal childhood illness to an extent. My DC1 had lots of episodes like you’ve mentioned - admitted overnight for low oxyygen when they had Covid and rsv at the same time, had an inhaler for 2.5 years of life, had croup. Had hand found and mouth. A few big vomiting bugs. A food allergy (which they outgrew eventually). This isn’t a really ill child when you compare it to those with ill children in hospitals longer term (more than a handful of days).

It was a bummer dealing with it all but we didn’t ever worry they were going to die (apart from the allergy episode) in a ruminating sort of way. I suppose the doctors acted like it was normal each time and their pragmatism showed up the (low) level of worry needed.

I wouldn’t have called a holiday for a vomiting toddler tbh. Probably would have gone to airport with extra wet wipes. One of our kids vomited all the way to our hotel the day before our own wedding ha. Sometimes you just need a plastic bag and a bottle of water and some good humour and patience to get through the rough patches.

Thank you everyone. DH seems confident we will get the full whack back on insurance especially as we have a hospital letter confirming gastro but I'm not convinced. It's a horrible situation to be in because I don't think we had any option to take her - not with just a few hours until the flight. If we'd been flying tonight instead of the early hours of this morning I might have said let her sleep it off and we will see but she was still being sick at 10.30 and we were due to leave for the airport at 1am. I know some families are more relaxed and might have chanced it but we couldn't.

There is a chance we could fly out later in the week but it'd be taking a huge leap of faith to rebook before we're confident of insurance claim, not to mention the stress of she's still even slightly unwell. I've suggested instead we book a little UK break in a cottage or something similar if she's well and truly turned the corner by tomorrow.

Do you have to cancel? Can't you try to change the flight by a day or 2?

Of course it's heartbreaking, but be happy it was at home, and not on the flight there and you'd be stuck with a sick child in a foreign country, that's the worst scenario.

Don't cancel, reschedule? (now or later)

And I'm so sorry to read this. That's such a sad situation and I really hope you can make lots of lovely memories with your Dad here x

I wouldn’t have called a holiday for a vomiting toddler tbh. Probably would have gone to airport with extra wet wipes.

In the name of all the travellers who got the bug from your toddler, thank you SO MUCH for being so selfish and inconsiderate, and not even letting your poor child rest at home for a day or 2.

Who doesn't like to be stuck in a hotel room with a vomiting toddler?

Yes that was our first choice, to reschedule even if there was a fee involved but because it was so close to the flight, holiday company wouldn't do anything to help with that, just suggested cancelling and claiming.
Of course we can still choose to rebook which we might do if DD has well and truly turned the corner by tomorrow, but right now my anxiety is so high that I'm not sure it's worth rescuing.

Everyone is different and has different thresholds. Health anxiety is a plague to live with, but my DH is extremely sane and rational and normally I defer to him for decision making to an extent when I can feel my anxiety taking over.

He was totally united with me that we couldn't fly. Not only for the worry of our own child being well but because of the hundreds of other passengers who have also paid thousands for a lovely holiday who don't deserve a stomach bug inflicted on them.

I wouldn't judge someone who didn't make the same decision but I know how I'd feel if we were sat behind a clearly unwell toddler on a longish flight...

Oh op I’m not surprised you feel gutted. I feel gutted for you and I don’t even know you.

I really hope that things start looking up for you soon, that your little girl gets better and stays well, and that you get your holiday soon.

I’m really sorry that your holiday has been compromised by illness Op. I hope you can go for a few days rather than cancel all of it though. And if not, I hope you get your money back.

Fwiw, I want to thank you for being conscientious about not flying with a vomiting toddler. A family member of mine is recovering from chemo and they are very grateful to people like yourself who behave responsibly and consider others!

I would seriously look at just UK and Ireland holidays until she's a bit older. Easier to manage

Aw I’m so sorry OP. My son used to get everything going, had inhalers, steroids, hospital stays and antibiotics all the time. Some kids are just so prone to it, he did grow out of it though.

I hope you get a lovely week together anyway, once your DD is better. Try and find some nice local days out maybe?

I’m shedding a little tear for you. That is so f%^king horrible. I’m so sorry. What a year you’re having. You absolutely have any right to go have a little cry and scream.

I totally understand your anxiety OP. DS was a sickly child as well - got bronchiolitis 3 times before he was 2, lots of respiratory issues and every bug going. The result of that was that his immune system is bulletproof now - he's 21, and hardly ever gets ill (apart from getting Covid on his 18th birthday!). So I know it's tough now - the first few years always are, but it will (fingers crossed) get better.

@ladydorito I guess it was a bit of a gamble to book a foreign holiday under the circumstances and sadly it hasn't worked out this time. But huge kudos to you and your husband for refusing to travel with your vomiting child. I am at a loss at the selfishness of parents who would deliberately risk infecting a plane load of passengers rather than miss out on their holiday. Not to mention it being horrible for the child. Hopefully you'll be able to book something else soon and all will be well.

So sorry .

in your shoes I would stick to holidays in the Uk for now

I’m sorry your health anxiety is so bad, and for the terrible timing of this sickness bug. I agree that UK breaks might be the way forward for you for a while.

Have you had any help for the health anxiety? It must be horrible.

DS was a sickly baby/toddler- if it’s any consolation he’s only had about 3 short illnesses since turning 5 and he’s about to go off to uni, so take heart!

Completely understand how you feel, your poor toddler, sounds horrible for you all. Last year my DP and I had to cancel 5 days before our first holiday for about 10 years , we both got food poisoning but his went rogue, his gallbladder ruptured and he got sepsis twice.

All this on top of losing both our mums within 6 weeks of each other, mine expected but his suddenly and traumatic with an undiagnosed massive brain tumour.

On top of that we didn't get hardly any money back, my DP had messed up the date on his travel insurance, had dated it a month after we would have arrived.

The only saving grace is he didn't become ill in Greece, he probably wouldn't have survived.

I hope you are able to salvage something and get away for a few days xx

D & V bugs are highly infectious and it’s incredibly selfish to take a child knowingly with it to a hotel/ airport etc. you will ruin countless other holidaymakers holidays not to mention making those who are immunocompromised extremely unwell!! And your poor child they should be home resting

I think the foreign holiday may have been a touch ambitious in view of ongoing health issues. Antibiotics do wipe out gut bacteria so it’s not uncommon for a bit of d&v if they’ve had or are having a course of strong ones.

can you book a week in the uk that you could drive to?

Our DS used to be like this and he did grow out of all of it.