To not live with my Mum

[missb10]

I've posted on here before so this may feel familiar. I've been given a Section 21 notice to leave as my landlord is selling up. I'm looking for somewhere else to live, but private rentals round here are way out of my league and there is a long waiting list for social housing. The alternative is to move in with my Mum, but there are several things I have against that. We have very different lifestyles. I get up at 6.00 to have my shower and get breakfast before going to work, while she will wait until her carers get her up at 8.00. She goes to bed when her carers come round at 7.in the evening, whereas I obviously don't go to bed until much later. We have different tastes in music and television. She would still need her carers in the week as I need to work, although I could make her meals at the weekend. However, I don't want to have to wash and dress her, I think this is something that carers should do. It just doesn't feel right as she is my mother. Also, if she needs to go into a home I will not be able to stay in her house as it will have to be sold to pay for the care home fees. Advice anyone? Am I being a cow to my Mum by holding out for my own place?

So if you don't move in with her, what will you do?

No. Live your life. You only get one. Your Mum seems supported and in her own routine anyway.

Wait until my landlord kicks me out? He's actually a decent bloke but he wants to sell and won't hang on for ever. So I'll be homeless eventually.

Difficult situation, I won't ask your ages but be aware that if you move in before your mum goes into care and you are over 60 at that time, the LA can't require the home to be sold to cover care fees. As a qualifying dependant you would have the right to continue living there.

Doesn't sound like you've got much choice really. If you do move in with your mum, and she later moves to a care home, I don't think the house has to be sold to pay for care if there's someone living there, so you'd not lose your home. If the carers are all organised and being paid for, I don't see why you couldn't move in but keep as much care as she needs so your mum isn't reliant on you for day to day care.

The house gets sold to pay for care home fees unless there is a spouse, or a child over 60, living there. I’m a few years off 60 and I’m not sure if there is a qualifying time for having to live there before being eligible to stay. I don’t know how my Mum will be over the next few years.

Screwing over your landlord because you don’t want to live with your mum or find somewhere else until you are forced to would make you a shitty human.

Is your mum expecting you to care for her?

I don’t understand why she can’t keep her carer?

Presumably you will pay her rent and buy your own food?

I’m sure the LL has enough agency to tell OP to leave when he wants her to!

Is there any council sheltered housing near you that you could apply for,ideal for over 55's

This. You have no obligation to be her carer. It may affect her if she gets benefits especially if she is on a disability benefit and get severe disability premium on a pension credit claim s she would lose that when you move in.

Jeez, ageist much? Anyone over 55 needs sheltered housing 🙄

You could live with your Mum, and let the carers and her routine continue as now. There is no rule that says you have to pick up the full intimate caring responsibilities. It would be company for her and presumably you could agreed a rent which means you could also save money too.

Might not be ideal, I grant you, but with the routines you describe you will barely be in contact with each other.

Alternatively there are schemes which match householders to people needing accommodation, in return for some help around the house and company, eg https://www.shareandcare.co.uk/. There are different organisations covering different parts of the country

No it absolutely doesn’t. Unfortunately until op is at the point of being kicked out the council won’t prioritize her, until the system changes she is best advised to stay put.

It's not ageist - there are social housing facilities targeted at the over 55s

That’s not what she’s saying. She’s asking if it’s an option. And housing for over 55’s does exist in places.

I feel I'm missing a point here. I don't see that your lifestyles are incompatible - you get up earlier and go to bed later, so what? If she doesn't expect silence and you're considerate then that's fine. Different TV and music tastes - again, so what?

Agree the carers can / should continue, I think that would be better for both of you.

Where are you? Are they paid for carers?

Be aware if you are in Scotland and they are funded carers then they'll look at reducing the care package if you are there.

You just be England though with the section 21 right enough

I think you are lucky that you have the option to stay with your mum, presumably it would be a cheap or even free option. Surely you can just stay there until you find somewhere else. The routine thing I don't get, we are a multi adult household and all have different routines and we make it work.

Staying until your landlord goes through the full procedure to end the tenancy and evict isn't screwing them.

Anyone who has been a landlord in the last decade is, or should be, well aware of the fact that in most cases tenants now have to stay until eviction to receive any local authority housing help.

As a LL it's simply one of the things on the cost lists alongside gas checks and the likes now.

Oh please... What a ridiculous comment 😀

It was mearly an option for op to consider as she is nearly 60 and it provides a suitable solution to her housing problem and would give her security.

You haven’t said how old you are, but as others have suggested if you’re 55+ it would be worth looking at over 55 housing as they have a much quicker turnover rate than family homes. They often don’t get as far as being advertised as they just offer them to the next person on the list.
There’s no way on God’s earth I could move in with my elderly DF so no you’re not unreasonable to avoid moving in with her (unless you get on particularly well). She could still have carers and I don’t see why your bedtime should be an issue.

The LA I work for doesn’t make people homeless to pay for care fees when someone has moved in to care for the person. As long as it wasn’t last week and she goes into care the week after. It’s called a discretionary disregard.

Either way if you move in with her now you could have a roof over your head for years to come.

Its not about being ageist. Its about getting a secure home .in my area sheltered housing is a normal flat . On the street . There's no actual staff in the building the only difference between a standard flat and sheltered accommodation is its for over 55s/60s and there a couple of stings you can pull if you need help.

Also sheltered accommodation is a shorter waiting time.