To not live with my Mum

[missb10]

I've posted on here before so this may feel familiar. I've been given a Section 21 notice to leave as my landlord is selling up. I'm looking for somewhere else to live, but private rentals round here are way out of my league and there is a long waiting list for social housing. The alternative is to move in with my Mum, but there are several things I have against that. We have very different lifestyles. I get up at 6.00 to have my shower and get breakfast before going to work, while she will wait until her carers get her up at 8.00. She goes to bed when her carers come round at 7.in the evening, whereas I obviously don't go to bed until much later. We have different tastes in music and television. She would still need her carers in the week as I need to work, although I could make her meals at the weekend. However, I don't want to have to wash and dress her, I think this is something that carers should do. It just doesn't feel right as she is my mother. Also, if she needs to go into a home I will not be able to stay in her house as it will have to be sold to pay for the care home fees. Advice anyone? Am I being a cow to my Mum by holding out for my own place?

You're failing spectacularly to see the whole picture. Firstly, there is specific council accommodation for the over 55's. It is usually way easier to get than "regular" social housing. That's why it has been suggested and it is a very good idea for the OP for check it out. Secondly, sheltered housing simply means having a warden on site but you have your own flat, own autonomy and lead a perfectly normal life in a perfectly normal flat. Finally - have you ever been homeless? Because I have and it's beyond the worst fucking thing you could ever imagine. I would have bitten anyone's hand off for a so called sheltered flat.

Why would you need to assume caring responsibilities if you moved in ? She has a care package arranged which can continue and in fact would be better for your relationship. The fact you get up earlier / go to bed later doesn’t make you incompatible and actually might make it work better. You can watch what you like / listen to what you like after she is in bed and prior to that as most households do - compromise ! I’m not sure the reasons you have posted mean you are incompatible and sound like issues similar to those most deal with in families i.e. different needs around sleep : night owl v early morning / different taste in TV / music.

I'm another who doesn't really see what the problem would be living with Mum.

I mean, if you had to share a bedroom your different routines would be a problem, but I presume you'd have a bedroom yourself? Why would your Mum going to bed much earlier than you be an issue - as long as you don't have TV or music loud enough to disturb her, and your early start didn't either.

I can't see how these are insurmountable and I'm sure you'd both enjoy the company when your lives do overlap?

Sorry to say but I think if you move in with your mum you will become old before your time.. I think you know this is going to be a day after day tiring situation.. mentally draining.. I say this because I worked in rest homes for years and I liked the work but I was always glad to leave and go home.. to my own place.. listen to my music.. watch my programs.. stay up late.. stay in bed!! and just have a bit of quiet time or not.. your really not being selfish!!

Can you move to a slightly cheaper area and still do the same job?

I also thinking moving in with your Mum will end up being very aging for you and tiring, and you can easily lose your sense if your self.

I get your hesitancy to move in with a mum who needs care. But it really is the right thing to do, from all angles particularly if you have very few accommodation options. Do the right thing.