Sisters hen date disaster

[bottleofvodka]

Hi folks.

Big girl pants on here and looking for opinions

So my sister was due to get married this year and hen planned. I was involved in planning the hen (as her bridesmaid). But sister is now pregnant and has postponed the wedding and hen for a year (I knew the new date of the wedding but no discussions about new hen date).

I asked last night about letting friends and family know about the hen being postponed in our whatsapp group. I was told by moh (another sister) that she was going to update the group tomorrow. So low and behold.... she updated the group that the h3n wss postponed... and announced a new hen date for next year. First I heard of a decision being made on a new hen date and low and behold... it's the only date next year that my children's father has a wedding and won't be able to have our kids for the weekend. All my family are going to the hen.. and all my exh family are going to a family wedding abroad so I won't have anyone to mind the kids.

So mentioned to my sisters (bride and moh) that it was an issue for me and that I hadn't realised a date was being arranged. I'm really hurt this was organised with even mentioning it to me, her sister. And now I am being accused or making it all about me. I am going to really struggle to find someone to take my kids for a weekend. So now my sister are mad at me... saying hurtful things and hurling abuse at me.

Aibu for being hurt and expressing my feelings on it?

Are there no male relatives in your family who could have your DC? I assume they aren't going on the hen do?

Surely they can just change the weekend? Are they usually this difficult OP?

YANBU, how thoughtless of them. It's a hen, and it's ages away. Don't engage any further, you've already explained the situation. Don't let them guilt trip you either- they need to grow up and just reschedule the date, then the problem us sorted.

Is your dad in the picture? Surely he won’t be going to the hen?

Not unreasonable at all, while I appreciate they can’t check dates with everyone, you are her sister and have children and co-parenting to take into consideration.
They’ve fucked up and rather than apologise or question their choices they’re deflecting onto you….. they sound GREAT!

I have a dad and brother. They won't be going to the hen but they will be busy with the family business as they are the only ones who will be free that weekend. So they won't be able to help unfortunately

It's not unreasonable to be a bit miffed but it depends how you communicated that. If you politely said "oh no that's the only date I can't make, is there any chance we can rearrange it?" then they would be unreasonable to be upset. If you made a big deal out of how hurt you were that they didn't consult you then there is a risk that you were indeed the unreasonable one.

This sounds dreadfully unfair. You were involved in organising the first hen but there was no thought to include you in the second? How bizarre! Honestly, I'd be wondering if I wanted anything to do with it at all.

What about your dad or any brothers or brothers-in-law?

It’s up to the bride and MOH to decide on the date of a hen. If they opened it to a group discussion it would be like herding cats, so I am not surprised they just picked a date.

You have the best part of a year to sort out childcare between you and your husband (he is equally responsible for finding some). I think that’s reasonable.

I understand it’s quite frustrating, but this is your sister’s celebration, and she doesn’t have to worry about other people’s childcare issues. Just take it on the chin and talk about it with your husband to find some childcare.

In fairness I expect it’s all the same arrangements, just a new date, so there’s very likely nothing for the OP to be involved in.

Your sister will have a baby by the time of the new hen. Who will be looking after her baby? Could they take your kids also?

Both of them? A year in advance?

They are farmers. It takes 2 people to run the farm at that time of the year (dairy farm). 2 people required to milk etc. My sister and mother also help out so between 4 of them there are always 2 on duty. That's the way it works and has done for 20+ years

My ex husband. I am separated. We have a shared calendar so we book weekends in advance when we have something on
He booked that weekend a few months ago as he is heading abroad for a family wedding (with his parents siblings etc)

How old are your children? I'd be surprised if you can't find someone to care for them, with a year's notice

Do they assume you will babysit all the kids?

Sorry hit post too quickly.

I am a bridesmaid. There are 3 of us. All sisters. 1 is moh. I asked yesterday about letting everyone in the general hen whatsappgroup know that the original.date was to be rescheduled... my moh sister said she was waiting to hear back from the company we booked the hen with. Nothing about a new date.

If I'm honest, it hurt to find out at the same time as everyone else, in fact she checked the new date with some of her friends.. I'm her sister ffs. She was accommodating friends of hers with her new hen date.... didn't check with her Bridesmaid... her sister that it was ok.

They will be 10 and 5 but 10 year.old has sen

I think it would be very weird for your mother to go on your sister’s hen at your expense if she is usually your childcare choice.

Who's "hurling abuse" at you? Your sister who's getting married or other sisters? And why? That sounds very odd

Do your other two sisters have kids? If so, who will be looking after them?

they sound awful
just tell them, if they stick with that weekend you won't be able to attend or help with arrangements.

Nope. I'm the only one with kids..

Well, the bride will have a baby by then - what is her childcare solution?

Will your Mum not bow out so you can go?

Her baby's father, the groom will be looking after their baby for the night, probably helped by his family if needed