Sisters hen date disaster

[bottleofvodka]

Hi folks.

Big girl pants on here and looking for opinions

So my sister was due to get married this year and hen planned. I was involved in planning the hen (as her bridesmaid). But sister is now pregnant and has postponed the wedding and hen for a year (I knew the new date of the wedding but no discussions about new hen date).

I asked last night about letting friends and family know about the hen being postponed in our whatsapp group. I was told by moh (another sister) that she was going to update the group tomorrow. So low and behold.... she updated the group that the h3n wss postponed... and announced a new hen date for next year. First I heard of a decision being made on a new hen date and low and behold... it's the only date next year that my children's father has a wedding and won't be able to have our kids for the weekend. All my family are going to the hen.. and all my exh family are going to a family wedding abroad so I won't have anyone to mind the kids.

So mentioned to my sisters (bride and moh) that it was an issue for me and that I hadn't realised a date was being arranged. I'm really hurt this was organised with even mentioning it to me, her sister. And now I am being accused or making it all about me. I am going to really struggle to find someone to take my kids for a weekend. So now my sister are mad at me... saying hurtful things and hurling abuse at me.

Aibu for being hurt and expressing my feelings on it?

And would he not be willing to take your kids too for one night to enable your sister to have all her sisters at her hen?

To be honest if she was hurling abuse at me I would walk out.

It's really just an evening out - more important for friends going who won't know anyone else at the wedding. You, presumably, see your sister a lot and will know other people going to the wedding, so no problem.

This. It's more important for women closer to the bride's age to go IMO.

Really weird to expect someone with a literal infant to also have their SIL’s two children, one with SEN, on top of looking after their first baby alone overnight for probably the first time.

If your sister is such a bitch to hurl abuse at you for not having childcare, then I would gladly not attend her stupid hen do.

Sorry.. I'm out for a few drinks... will update properly about the hurling abuse
.

But in a nut shell... it was because I was starting an argument... ruined her evening when people were texting her about being pregnant.. I didn't know what she was going through and made it all about me

So when I said to my sister the moh, I was told, oh God, sorry this has been decided... I have already changed the date with the hen company and I am don't want to change it again. So sorry about that.

Maybe it's better not to go to the hen do. Just say it's a shame, but you can't make that date. It was up to her to choose the date that suited her and her bridesmaids, and she didn't. It's not your fault that it doesn't work.

I wouldn't go an the abuse alone noe to the wedding, if she cant act in mature adult way over this god help her poor future husband she sounds immature

Drop the rope. Especially with the hurling abuse part. It's fine if she doesn't want to discuss dates or change but these are the repercussions. I'm a massive fan of natural consequences

Can’t they go with their dad to this family wedding.

Just say sorry, very unfortunate, can't do that date, and drop out of hen group chat.

No, not practical really. He is going abroad for a long weekend for a family wedding (cousin). He had it in the calendar for last few weeks that he's away that weekend. I wouldn't ask him anyway. We are currently maintaining a good relationship as co-patents which has been a very long journey. I would be very hesitant to ask anything of him that could potentially affect our relationship