What to do if you hate your house

[Raindropsandroses123]

We have been in our house for 6 years and I can really say that I hate it.
When we were putting an offer in I really had doubts but there wasn’t much else on the market and we had to get going as our rent was expiring etc plus life.
My DH likes our house and I really don’t. The bedrooms are actually quite small that you can’t do much with them or adjust the furniture around. The front of the house is 1960s ugly. I hate the street, some neighbours are lovely but some are not. The living space is open plan and functional but we are stepping over ourselves with 3 kids. I declutter every month. I hate the decor and DH won’t let me do anything with it as he says we have young kids who are just going to ruin it. I get jealous of friends when they are doing house projects (even the ones with kids) and I’m stuck here with DH not allowing anything. I don’t invite anyone over as I’m kind of embarrassed, mostly of our shitty furniture.

I know it’s first world problems and I am glad we have a roof over our heads that we can afford. It’s in a good school catchment area and that’s one of the major bonuses. However I wish I listened to myself when we were buying it. It makes me unhappy.
Thing is, we could easily afford to move or extend but DH is tight and lacks creativity.
Has anyone felt like this? At what point do you move when you dislike your house and are outgrowing it? Has your OH been tight about it.
AIBU?

Well first of all, it sounds like a DH problem, not the house! Why do you need his permission to change decor etc? I’ve got 4 under 11, and regularly redecorate rooms, none of them are ruined by the kids!

I would have an open discussion with DH about how it all makes you feel.

I’m surprised you need his permission to decorate though, that doesn’t sound terribly healthy.

I am leaving my house as is largely due to having youngish kids and not really seeing the point until we’re past the toys and handprints everywhere stage. It’s not long in the grand scheme of things.

I know many folk in debt from renovating, which seems daft to me but each to their own.

He’s your husband, not your dad. You don’t have to do everything he says.

Id be looking on marketplace. Buying secondhand can be an amazing way of getting great quality for less money and it takes away the fear of something expensive getting trashed.

Why is your DH the one who gets an absolute z veto over these decisions? If he doesn’t mind about decorating but you want to, then surely the conclusion is to redecorate? Why is he the one with final say over finances?

Besides the DH problem, if you could make the front of the house more attractive and fully redecorate inside, would you still dislike the house?

Do you both earn money? And even if you don't why does he control all the money and how it's spent?

Agree with others, why do you need his permission to decorate your own house? And unless your kids are feral and fling poo at the walls I truly don’t see how they are going to ruin some fresh paint or wall paper.

You could even refresh your furniture for a pretty low budget if you looked second hand on things like fb marketplace or charity shops, so it’s not brand new stuff and if it does get a bit grubby from kids it’s not like it cost you £1000’s, but would give you a change of scenery. One of my friends has just managed to get a sofa & armchair on fb marketplace, both still great condition, for £150! Even a quick search for “furniture” on fb marketplace where I am shows there’s a dining table currently on near me for £20 which looks fab, a rug being given away for free, a wall mirror going free, a corner sofa for £100 which looks to be immaculate, there’s a few coffee tables ranging from free to £40 ONO, a few bed frames ranging from free to £110. You don’t have to break the bank to have a little refresh, and you can’t just live in a house you hate indefinitely because you have kids.

We moved. I decorated the new house. This is about your relationship. I love my new house. Good luck OP. (It took me a decade.)

Good question. If I bought something on Facebook marketplace or new on Dunelm for example he just makes me send it back as no doubt he will hate how it looks so it’s not worth the hassle.
One issue is he lacks creativity… he is just black and white. It frustrates me as I am quite creative and I would love a certain colour on certain walls and he things it sounds disgusting and OTT. I’m also thinking of practicalities, if the hallway was darker rather than than white all the scuffs on the walls wouldn’t be as obvious. I also have storage ideas but he just says the kids will draw on it…. They wouldn’t!

If we could improve the look of the house and redecorate inside I might down it acceptable but I’d still want to leave the place. It’s more the dimensions of the house as well that’s an issue with 3 kids.
I originally accepted this way of thinking when we first moved in as it was a new house to us but now 6 years later it’s quite depressing to think I have to look at this until I die as he doesn’t see us moving now…. I mean I didn’t sign up for this…

What happens if you say no to him? No you won’t send things back?

Yes we are high earners… 40% tax bracket.

I have looked at all this too and he says he won’t help me pick any new furniture up and lots of sellers won’t do deleries. It’s so frustrating

Honestly this is divorce territory as he thinks he is the boss and entitled to make the decisions. He doesn’t care about how you feel.

I would suggest counselling to see if you can resolve his lack of care and controlling nature towards you and your needs.

Urgh he sounds awful. Is this attitude specific to decorating and furniture or is he this miserable about everything?

I really feel for you OP. I hope you can convince your partner how much this clearly affects you and work on making some small, cheap changes that will really enhance your life.

in terms of space saving ideas, see IKEA hacks. For bedrooms there’s some neat idea around under bed storage/raise beds etc. you can often find the units on olio or fb marketplace

If you buy something as you said how can he "make you send it back"? You don't need to...

Precisely.
If you have shitty furniture and you’re not “allowed” to decorate then you’d hate any other house you moved to as well.

You’re a 40% bracket earner, book yourself a man with a van and crack on.

He can’t make you send anything back, he can’t prevent you doing it, decorate your house!

So husband says jump and you say how high?

jesus - ditch the DH and the house !

what is wrong with him? What happens if you say crack on?

why are you a total doormat ?

al gotta be.

You really do have to take control. Put your foot down. Are you frightened of him?

I cannot imagine living like this OP

You wouldn't have a house problem, if you didn't have a husband problem.

When you say 'we are high earners' do you mean you have your own income?
What happens to your money? Are your outgoings shared fairly between you?

Good point!

DH won’t let me do anything with it

it's your house... Who does he think he is?