To have a baby at 40?

Yellowsunflowery · 2025-06-19T14:14:32+00:00

I have a 12 yo dc and really want another baby. For years dh said no but now he’s saying maybe. 12 yo would be over the moon because they’ve always wanted a sibling, I just feel so old. That’s it really. If I’m honest feel ancient. I’m a lot fatter than when I had my only dc and I’m worried that will get worse if I go for another baby. I’m 40 next year and feel like is this the last minute hormonal surge for a baby or is it genuinely me still wanting a baby. i have wanted another for years and now I finally have the go ahead I’m pausing for thought.

StiffAsAVicar · 19/06/2025 15:16

Go for it! Mum at 36 or mum at 40….what’s the difference! If you’ll be a good parent then that’s all that matters

ClickClickety · 19/06/2025 15:17

Is your DH a maybe or a yes? Having a newborn in his 40s needs enthusiasm.

cyvguhb · 19/06/2025 15:18

Mumsnets favourite topic 😂

Is it mandatory to have threads about having a baby over 40 every day?

In general it's not the least bit unusual but only you know if you yourself would be unreasonable

Rayqueen · 19/06/2025 15:18

I'm 41 had a single at 39 twins at 40 and happy as anything but only works if your hubby supportive aswell and your on the same page

WhistleBlower8 · 19/06/2025 15:21

I wouldn't personally as I believe 40 is far too old for a baby, the risks of miscarriage, stillbirth and birth defects/developmental issues for the child are so high.
Also no teenager wants a parent in their 50s.

But it's your choice. No one else's opinion should matter, do what works for your family and what you and your DH want.

Bingbangboo · 19/06/2025 15:23

You aren't too old at all and not at all unusual. If you want to do it then you will find ways to cope.
The only thing I would say is that assuming a 13+ year gap between your children would mean they have very little in common, so I would think twice if your main reason is to give your child a sibling. Waving one off to university as the other is starting primary is something to think about. We have a nearly 5 year gap between our two and it's been a little like having two 'only' children as they are opposite sexes and have very little to do with each other.

ouch321 · 19/06/2025 15:23

More unusual to have a baby in your 20s. Most people have babies in their30s which you've literally just finished.

PS this wasn't at all convincing; if you want to deride people who don't pop them out in their 20s at least come up with something more convincing than pretending you don't know if anyone has a kid at 40.

And no, I have no kids so don't sit on either side.

MinnieMountain · 19/06/2025 15:24

First and only baby- yes. Second with a 13 year age gap- no way.

martinagiraffe · 19/06/2025 15:25

WhistleBlower8 · 19/06/2025 15:21

I wouldn't personally as I believe 40 is far too old for a baby, the risks of miscarriage, stillbirth and birth defects/developmental issues for the child are so high.
Also no teenager wants a parent in their 50s.

But it's your choice. No one else's opinion should matter, do what works for your family and what you and your DH want.

What teenage cares if their parent is in their 40s or their 50s? My parents had me in their 40s and I didn't realise until I was in my 20s or 30s!

But they were fit and healthy.

Original poster

Yellowsunflowery · 19/06/2025 15:35

@Bingbangboo I wouldn’t be having one as a sibling for current dc in my op I meant they wouldn’t be unhappy about it.

I get that others have dc at 40 it’s more about being on the brink of having no dc in the home and maybe doing various things I haven’t been able to with dc always being here, vs taking on a whole load more responsibility all over again.

OP posts:

ScribblyyGum · 19/06/2025 15:36

Mumsnets favourite topic 😂
Is it mandatory to have threads about having a baby over 40 every day?

😂

It bloody feels like it!

dragonfliesanddandelions · 19/06/2025 15:48

Regardless of age, my advice to anyone would be to only have a baby if you absolutely definitely want one.

As for your child being ok with it, do they actually want to have a baby around? Or do they just like the idea of having a sibling? There's an 8 year gap between my brother and me and we had very little to do with each other as kids. He left home to go to university when I was 10. We only became close when we reconnected as adults. I don't feel we shared a childhood in the way my children (3 year gap) do.

This will be a huge change for the whole family. I think you all need to be 100% sure about it. And it doesn't sound as though you are...

KPPlumbing · 19/06/2025 15:52

It depends on what circles you move in.

40 isn't the least bit old to me. I'm 40 and in the best shape of my life and so full of energy I don't know what to do with myself! Perhaps that's because I didn't have kids in the first place though...

Go for it, IF you're both invested equally.

TheIceBear · 19/06/2025 15:53

WhistleBlower8 · 19/06/2025 15:21

I wouldn't personally as I believe 40 is far too old for a baby, the risks of miscarriage, stillbirth and birth defects/developmental issues for the child are so high.
Also no teenager wants a parent in their 50s.

But it's your choice. No one else's opinion should matter, do what works for your family and what you and your DH want.

I had older parents and didnt give a toss what age they were when I was a teenager. Didn’t even notice them any older than any of my friends parents. To be honest I was pretty absorbed in my own life, friendship, boys etc didn’t give my parents ages a second thought: So I think “no teen wants a parent in their 50s” is a ridiculous blanket statement.

MinnieMountain · 19/06/2025 15:56

You've said you’re looking forward to doing more things for yourself OP, so why on earth would you tie yourself down again? Speaking as someone with an 11yo.

Sillysaussicon · 19/06/2025 16:05

Honestly, I couldn't...

moonsovermiami · 19/06/2025 16:13

I'd say 39/40 is still very realistic! And generally 41/42 as well. I think it gets a lot trickier around 43+. Obviously a generalisation but I think it tends to go that way. Best of luck x

snowpony · 19/06/2025 16:14

I had a baby at 39 and there is a 12 year gap with my eldest. it's worked brilliantly - no jealousy at all, plus my now 20 something still wants to do family things with us because she enjoys spending time with him and I love that. I'm one of the older mums now but a lot of people have babies at an older age so I don't feel out of place or too ancient at the school gate 😂

Splicer · 19/06/2025 16:14

I know several people who had babies at 40 and older. I wasn’t far off when DD was born. It’s not odd or unreasonable.

I’m knackered, but I’m pretty sure I’d have been knackered at 30 too.

Ormally · 19/06/2025 16:20

Having another baby would be lovely. Going forward to the point at which I would be meeting the needs of a 17 year old and a 4 year old at the same time...I haven't tried it, but I don't think that would be for me. At the late teens, university stage, I am finding things get more expensive as well (although that may be down to the difference between the 2025s and the 2010s).

SwimSwamSwimSwam · 19/06/2025 16:25

WhistleBlower8 · 19/06/2025 15:21

I wouldn't personally as I believe 40 is far too old for a baby, the risks of miscarriage, stillbirth and birth defects/developmental issues for the child are so high.
Also no teenager wants a parent in their 50s.

But it's your choice. No one else's opinion should matter, do what works for your family and what you and your DH want.

My DH was 40 when I had our DD, I was 34.

My DH is quite a trendy, healthy, young looking 50's with a good job They have always had fab relationship. A bit of a weird thing to say, just because a man is younger doesn't mean he is a better Dad.

SwimSwamSwimSwam · 19/06/2025 16:27

TheIceBear · 19/06/2025 15:53

I had older parents and didnt give a toss what age they were when I was a teenager. Didn’t even notice them any older than any of my friends parents. To be honest I was pretty absorbed in my own life, friendship, boys etc didn’t give my parents ages a second thought: So I think “no teen wants a parent in their 50s” is a ridiculous blanket statement.

Show quote history

I agree, not all 50 year olds are the same, with the same hobbies/lifestyle etc

Crushed23 · 19/06/2025 16:27

ScribblyyGum · 19/06/2025 15:36

Mumsnets favourite topic 😂
Is it mandatory to have threads about having a baby over 40 every day?

😂

It bloody feels like it!

It’s because there seem to be two groups on MN. One group can’t imagine having a baby past 25 and who become grandparents in their 40s. The second group doesn’t know anyone who had a baby before 37 but mostly know people who had their first baby 40+.

I’m in the second group but see nothing wrong with having babies young, each to their own etc. (child-free so no skin in the game).

MauriceTheMussel · 19/06/2025 16:28

martinagiraffe · 19/06/2025 15:25

What teenage cares if their parent is in their 40s or their 50s? My parents had me in their 40s and I didn't realise until I was in my 20s or 30s!

But they were fit and healthy.

Show quote history

I reflected on this too, thinking “well my mum had me when she was 27…no way was she only 47 by the time I was at university”, and then the maths dawned on me.

In sum, all kids think their parents are ancient no matter the actual objective youth!

mugglewump · 19/06/2025 16:30

WhistleBlower8 · 19/06/2025 15:21

I wouldn't personally as I believe 40 is far too old for a baby, the risks of miscarriage, stillbirth and birth defects/developmental issues for the child are so high.
Also no teenager wants a parent in their 50s.

But it's your choice. No one else's opinion should matter, do what works for your family and what you and your DH want.

Totally disagree. I had my first at 38 and my second at 41. There was never any issue with our ages with teenagers.