To not want my DH’s birthday present?

[LovelyBranches]

In my 20s my father passed away suddenly in front of me and I had PTSD from his death. I’ve had therapy and years of trying to challenge myself because I had lost the ability to listen to music or tolerate loud noises. Now I’m able to, but I’m very choosy and tend to stick to music I’ve always known.

Last year DH wanted to go to a gig and invited me along with him, but when I got to the outdoor venue it was unbelievably packed and I hated the crowd, hated the music and felt completely overwhelmed. I left DH to enjoy the night with his friends. It really set me back because I felt I had made so much progress and realised that I hadn’t. DH and I talked about all of these feelings after the gig so he is completely aware of how I felt.

However this year for my 40th DH has got my tickets to see Chappell Roan in Reading festival and to be honest I was utterly horrified to receive it. I have liked some of her music which I know is unusual for me, but the thought of being in a field all day, unable to get away from loud noises and having to deal with huge, noisy, busy crowds is really frightening to me. I’ve never been to a festival before and the videos I’ve seen online make me quite worried. Also, we have very little childcare and going away overnight is always a challenge. We live nowhere near Reading.

I feel like DH got me a present which he’d like for himself. I didn’t get much for my birthday and I had told him of a sentimental item that I had wanted, but he didn’t get.

WIBU to not go?

Honestly, I'm angry on your behalf. It's not on to put you in the position of having to refuse to go, explain why you still are not up to going (and the explaining in itself is retraumatising) and asking him to sell the tickets.

Can you afford to buy the sentimental item for yourself? If so, do it, make a present to yourself.

Reading festival is for 16-18 year olds, not grown women. (Unless they're stalking their 16-18 year olds)

Sell them and buy something else.

Ooook , bow to wisdom of those who have been to Reading festival. I stand corrected.

I went to Reading loads in the 90s. As a person in my 20s who was able to go into the guest area each time. One festival, I went into the arena just once and was back within 20 mins. And most of that was walking to see a band and walking back again. I went again as a 'normie' in my early 30s. Never again. Absolute horrorshow. I could not wait to get back in the car and drive home.

You can sell the tickets on, using the official site, and get yourself something you actually want.

I think you are making the right call not to go. Festivals can be really fun, and I've been to Reading Festival before -- during the day it's often quite chill and easy to find somewhere a bit quieter to sit and get food from one of the stalls and listen to bands, or dip in and out of different tents. It's a mostly young crowd (but not all - it's quite mixed) but they're also just there to hang out and listen to the music.

But Chappell Roan is a headline act, she'll come on the main stage at 9ish and the crowds will surge forwards. You could still stand further back but it'll also be very busy after she finishes when everyone heads for the exits. So -- he probably meant it well, she's a buzzy act and you like her music and she's only playing a couple of gigs in the UK this year - it would be really exciting, but there will be crowds and it will be noisy.

Perhaps he misunderstood your conversation after the last gig, that it’s the crowd and loudness you don’t enjoy. Only you know how likely that is.

The tickets are a gift to you so are yours to do with as you please. Sell them and get yourself the sentimental gift you really wanted. If he didn’t get the tickets because he wants to go, he really shouldn’t mind if you sell them.