Getting lost….

[Rosie8880]

Right, so…

Sometimes when I am tipsy I seem to meet a lot of people on a night out, I become very social, make new pals, folk sometimes buy me drinks (and not just men). I’m middle aged, post menopausal, fading looks - you get the picture..!

I can really enjoy talking to people and do like the feeling of being a bit “high” off of alcoholic drinks…

Sometimes I wander off, meet people when I’m with pals and then they can’t find me - they are in a group so I just can’t understand why it would bother them. I come back to base now and then but it’s not premeditated, it just seems to happen. And I like it.

when it’s just me and a pal, I don’t do that as would find that rude.

so. I’m seeking the unleashing of mumsnet - what do you think - AIBU?

x

They are probably worried for your safety.

Sounds like you can't handle your drink probably best if you stay home if you can't go for a night out without being silly, especially at your age.

Hehe - sure you do 😂

I think you're simply seeking attention 😉

But why? If I’m in a venue or a pub, I’m there, they can call me, see me, they can if they want join in - but understand it’s not for everyone. So I’m happy to do my own thing. It happens when I’m alone too, on a train commuting the other week spoke to a mum with young kids while journey, took care of the kids for s while and exchanged numbers with the mum and weee meeting soon.

I am half Irish and maybe that’s something to do with it - I don’t know I just find talking to people - strangers incredibly interesting and it’s no shade in my pals at all - i like to treat severs and bar people / hosts / waitresses well and then they tend to give us free drink or a small something like starter - just because we’re friendly. I don’t do it for rewards but it’s really nice - my pals don’t mind when that happens but they do seem to mind when I wander off for a bit. Xx

I had a friend like this, she kept ditching everyone to get free drinks then coming back again.

Had a go at everyone saying she was being sociable and it was all fine.

Ended up getting her drink spiked and it was just sheer luck I caught the guy basically carrying her out the door.

On dear.

When my 17 year old niece was going on holiday with her friends for the first time, she and I were chatting about all the lovely things they'd get up to.

I told her that their were two rules she must follow. One, never leave a friend alone, whatever the circumstances, and never let yourself be left alone.

You may be middle aged, you may enjoy it (others buying you drinks, really?) But you are still making yourself vulnerable.

Now, you can argue that as an adult you should be able to go and do what you please, and I'd agree. In a perfect world, you should. In this world? Not so much.

Of course! I love meeting people and attention - I like making people feel good and that includes myself

I understand that but especially as a young person for young people, but that makes me feel rather sad if being honest. Meeting others is a glorious thing - making new pals, some of my longest pals of 20 + years I’ve met this way.

it’s interesting the key concern here coming up is safety. Which I can see.

That’s awful I’m so sorry X

I think whilst you like making strangers ‘feel good’ you’re actually being a shit friend to the people you initially started the evening with.

You think you’re charming and sociable but to your mates you probably come across as distracted, flakey and annoying.

It’s polite, even in a group, to let your friends know where you are - whether you’re nipping off to the shop to buy a vape or off chatting. They’re wondering where you are and concerned you aren’t getting too drunk and into difficulties with your “new pals.”

It’s fine to be sociable, but do it on your own time and tone it down when you’re out with other people - they’ve met with you to spend time with you, not to have you find them not as interesting or exciting as strangers in the bar.

ETA: I have also met and made a couple of my now closest women friends in the queue for the toilets in a nightclub or at the bar - but we always each say we’re heading back to our friends and swap numbers to catch up later. Do it that way.

If they are in a group - not solo - why would it matter? If someone floats off for a while, I don’t mind - why does it rankle ? why would I be flakey if want the interaction of other people when a group has many people to interact with ?

I like your style 😊

This is helpful thank you. ❤️

I guess the alternative is to go out solo which wouldn’t mind but then could be a bit difficult safety wise. X X

Move over to Ireland. Everyone is like that here.

Can’t tell if you are being sarcastic haha but I’ve certainly been brought up in a very socialable way and just find English ways I guess a bit stifling hahha!

I agree that it is rude to the friends you have gone out with and suggests you don't enjoy their company and are using them as a group to go back to if you don't find anyone better.

I also agree with others suggesting the safety aspect of this. You might think it appears friendly but so some it could appear as you are easy and that they can easily ply you with drinks and separate you from your friends.

That’s not on. If you enjoy socializing this way, go out by yourself and do whatever you want.

cont…

which you have an idea about which is why your posting for opinions with a “I’m just a free spirit and am
Mystified why everyone else isn’t”

id just go out on my own so I could be free if I was like you

As someone who had my drink spiked age 40, I’m glad my friends all keep an eye on each other or I could have been in real danger.

But, if you’re going out with a group of friends it’s fine to chat to others but disappearing and spending more time with new friends than those you’re out with is very rude. It’s like saying you lot aren’t good enough/entertaining enough so I’m trying out better friends but might pop back and say hi occasionally.

Okay - key points: others thinking I’m using them and want others over them; safety.

i could see why pals my feel this way if did it 1-1 or in a small group, which would never do. And haven’t. I just do not understand why in larger groups anyone cares. But your comment allows me to see other person view too.

as examples this is kind of thing that happens…

In past month I have met a woman in a pub and discussed the pros/ cons of a few work areas - we are now meeting up; same night in way home met a guy on the bus and we met up with our friend groups at a recent music gig; at a dance (soul) night that is quite niche, met various people and discussed soul music, we shared drinks togther etc - all ages young to older, bonding over soul music; at a music event my pals went to get snacks / food I stayed put and chatted to a bloke about music, and we ended up knowing we had shared pals and are arranging to meet up in a week; and more and so on…

I enjoy 1-1 time with friends rather than large groups and poss find large groups a bit much which is maybe why I wander off - unsure X

This may be the solution tbh as I don’t want to make pals feel annoyed or sad or impinge on their nights. X

you wonder off because you have fomo…
you need and crave attention and your feelings, trump how shitty you make your friends feel.
your need to be popular and liked by strangers over the company of the people you are actually out with , is really rude and embarrassing!

i get this feeling sometimes of feeling extremely animated and almost a high - I don’t need substances or booze it comes naturally sometimes when in very stimulating to me, environments - the crowds and strangers make me feel high in and of itself. Its very prominent in the summer and then in winter I become a bit of a hermit - always have been this way. But thank you for your answer - it’s really appreciated X