Getting lost….

[Rosie8880]

Right, so…

Sometimes when I am tipsy I seem to meet a lot of people on a night out, I become very social, make new pals, folk sometimes buy me drinks (and not just men). I’m middle aged, post menopausal, fading looks - you get the picture..!

I can really enjoy talking to people and do like the feeling of being a bit “high” off of alcoholic drinks…

Sometimes I wander off, meet people when I’m with pals and then they can’t find me - they are in a group so I just can’t understand why it would bother them. I come back to base now and then but it’s not premeditated, it just seems to happen. And I like it.

when it’s just me and a pal, I don’t do that as would find that rude.

so. I’m seeking the unleashing of mumsnet - what do you think - AIBU?

x

That’s the go

you sound like your quite capable of having lots of connections and don’t need the friend group at all

although you’ve just updated you find the larger group hard..is that maybe linked to getting seen/heard in the group unless you wander off..it feels like they could be related

yh I don’t like large groups and the constant noise - it’s disorientating and I feel often a bit repelled. Going off to wander to just escape for a bit is a tonic but then seem have encounters and meet and chat and that’s really nice too. Groups of 2-4 are okay, larger groups = a bit much for me. So yes maybe it’s related. Thanks for that insight :) X

Thanks All who have replied and shared their views and votes.

it’s been very helpful to understand the other side of the picture.

I think I’ll start going out solo to better take friends feelings into considerations and decline lathe group meet ups unless outdoors doing something nature based / beach as find it overwhelming.

overall you have helped me see how others may find me wandering off rude, may unnecessarily impact their enjoyment as may worry about my well-being.

my mind just does not think this way so very much appreciate your insights

❤️

The simple answer is, if your friends have a problem with your actions then you need to decide whether they are more important to you or your "socialising" takes priority.

It sounds like more than one person has mentioned this to you, which shows that for your friend group, they aren't happy with this.

Even if you think this is stupid, they don't.

I had a friend like you and it was infuriating because despite what you think, most people want to keep an eye on a friend who is drinking and when you disappear we have to stop chatting and having our own fun to go into "mum mode".

It's a downer and it is selfish.

If your friend group all did this and thought it was fine then no worries, but you wouldn't be posting here if that was the case.

I would also check in with yourself too because often people like you think they are funny and entertaining other people but they are being polite because a drunk lady has come up to them and interrupted their evening. (Unless they are sleazy men and they are hoping for payment for a free drink and a flirt).

You may be wildly interesting and this doesn't apply to you, but it's always good to be self aware.

Edit: sorry I just saw your last update. Well done for listening OP 💗 Good luck with your nights out in the future.

Sounds Like you’ve got to the bottom
of it, how you are is the dream - you sound like you meet plenty of people

and if you want close friendships just meet in smaller groups

you don’t have to adapt to other insecurities

It's just basic social etiquette isn't it, you go out with friends you stay in that group not wandering off as it would come across as rude to those you started the night with.

If you crave new connections go out alone but just stick to places you know, local pubs etc and obviously tell someone where you going from a safety point of view.

You can be outgoing and courteous to people at the same time.

You are part of the group and someone will say where's Ann has anyone seen her? Did she say she was leaving? Haven't seen her for a while, I'll go and look for her, and before you know it the whole evening is wondering what happened to Ann, looking in the toilets, asking the bar staff. And Ann is off with her new friends having fun. I hope you tell them in advance that you will probably wander off to find some new friends and not to worry about you.

Aww thanks for the very considered note - much appreciated. And I am ofc wildly interesting 100% of the time, and never a tipsy hot mess :)

You're a nightmare. Friends are worried for your safety. You shouldn't drink if you can't handle it. You've obviously been lucky so far. Women your age DO get spiked and assaulted, or robbed, and you are also at much higher risk of being involved in or causing an accident. I wouldn't go out with you.