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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What would you do every thing you could even though your child had done something awful?

53 replies

Sparklesandbananas · 18/06/2025 11:20

If your child had sa’d and roped someone. The child is under 16. The victim is also under 16. Would you do everything to prevent them from being held up by the law in every possible way. Mother of child who has committed this awful act has begged for the police not to be called and said she wants the matter dealt with avoiding authorities. The police were called and they are taking this extremely seriously. Siblings and victim no longer in contact with other child. Mother is saying the parent of the victim is cruel to prevent the child from having a relationship with siblings. The child that committed this act has used his apparent rights to no comment the interview. Mother and lawyer told him to do this apparently. It took a whole year to track the child down and interview him due to mother hiding her son and ignoring contact to call him in for interview. Cps has requested records that the mother is protesting to have access to. Her son is a dangerous young man who will act inappropriately again. His phone also went missing and his clothes. She’s not cooperating in any way with the police. Meanwhile the victim of this awful crime has got to live with trauma every day. He’s studying towards working with vulnerable people who he should not be anywhere near them and getting on with his life. He has two young siblings that live with him that are at risk of becoming victims of his behaviour. I want to understand from a mothers prospective how far you would go to protect your children.

OP posts:
Naunet · 19/06/2025 08:35

aliceinawonderland · 18/06/2025 14:46

If the accused is 15 I wonder if they and the victim were in a consensual sexual relationship which got “out of hand”. I’m not excusing rape, but I’ve not been in the body of a 15 year old boy, so not sure how easy it is for them to stop past the point of no return. Adults will have far more control and so the law should deal with them differently.

It all depends on the facts.

To be honest this is why I think it’s unwise for 15 year olds to have sexual relationships.

If my 15 year old had targeted and raped a random girl, then this puts a different complexion on it.

Jesus fucking christ, we're making excuses for rape now are we? Do you think he could have stopped if his mum had walked in?

I'm so sorry your daughter is going through this OP, his mother is a disgrace, but then she raised a rapist, so I guess that's not a surprise. I hope you and your daughter are getting lots of support.

Whattodo1610 · 19/06/2025 09:58

Hoardasurass · 19/06/2025 06:29

Nope you should have taught your son that no means no.
Getting carried away is no excuse for raping someone your supposed to love, infact it's worse than raping a stranger especially for the victim.
You need to give your head a wobble if you think that there's any nuance in rape either the victim didn't consent or they did and at 15 he should know that and so should you.
@Sparklesandbananas I'm sorry about what you and your dc are going through but please remember that the mum is now an accessory after the fact and could very well end up going to jail for it and/or perverting the course of justice. Stay strong, the truth will out whether in crt this time or next but he will never pass an enhanced db's check so will never be allowed to work with vulnerable children or adults as it's now on his record for life that he's been accused of raping a child.
Also when your dc's case gets to crt he can't realistically claim consent aa a defence as he no commented during his interview

You’re lecturing this poster, yet you have also just minimised rape by putting it into 2 groups - Getting carried away is no excuse for raping someone your supposed to love, infact it's worse than raping a stranger especially for the victim.
You need to give your head a wobble if you think that there's any nuance in rape either the victim didn't consent or they did and at 15 he should know that and so should you.
You have implied victims feel differently depending on who they’re raped by. One is not worse than the other. Perhaps you should give your head a wobble before you lecture others on the nuance of rape. Shame on you too.
🙄🙄😡😡

Hoardasurass · 19/06/2025 11:05

Whattodo1610 · 19/06/2025 09:58

You’re lecturing this poster, yet you have also just minimised rape by putting it into 2 groups - Getting carried away is no excuse for raping someone your supposed to love, infact it's worse than raping a stranger especially for the victim.
You need to give your head a wobble if you think that there's any nuance in rape either the victim didn't consent or they did and at 15 he should know that and so should you.
You have implied victims feel differently depending on who they’re raped by. One is not worse than the other. Perhaps you should give your head a wobble before you lecture others on the nuance of rape. Shame on you too.
🙄🙄😡😡

If you don't think that the added emotional harm of being raped by someone who should love and protect you is no different from a stranger raping you, that's your perspective, and you're welcome to it personally I found it worse when my now ex raped me than when the stranger did, but that's me.
As for the poster whom I "lectued" who was excusing a 15 year old raping another child as he just got carried away and implied that he should get let off lightly as he couldn't help himself and didn't know better hence their claim of nuance.
I will not excuse a rapist because he couldn't help himself or for any other reason and yes I will call out posters who use any variation of boys will be boys to excuse rape.
Perhaps you should read the quote history before you lecture strangers online

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