What would you do every thing you could even though your child had done something awful?

[Sparklesandbananas]

If your child had sa’d and roped someone. The child is under 16. The victim is also under 16. Would you do everything to prevent them from being held up by the law in every possible way. Mother of child who has committed this awful act has begged for the police not to be called and said she wants the matter dealt with avoiding authorities. The police were called and they are taking this extremely seriously. Siblings and victim no longer in contact with other child. Mother is saying the parent of the victim is cruel to prevent the child from having a relationship with siblings. The child that committed this act has used his apparent rights to no comment the interview. Mother and lawyer told him to do this apparently. It took a whole year to track the child down and interview him due to mother hiding her son and ignoring contact to call him in for interview. Cps has requested records that the mother is protesting to have access to. Her son is a dangerous young man who will act inappropriately again. His phone also went missing and his clothes. She’s not cooperating in any way with the police. Meanwhile the victim of this awful crime has got to live with trauma every day. He’s studying towards working with vulnerable people who he should not be anywhere near them and getting on with his life. He has two young siblings that live with him that are at risk of becoming victims of his behaviour. I want to understand from a mothers prospective how far you would go to protect your children.

I’m sorry you’re all going through this, very sorry for your dd.

Hopefully now police have him, things will move in the right direction.

I would like to think that what I would do is get my son the best legal defense possible and stand by his side as he navigates the justice system.

Everyone deserves a fair investigation and trial and as a parent, you definitely want your own child to be treated fairly, even if they are guilty.

If the accused is 15 I wonder if they and the victim were in a consensual sexual relationship which got “out of hand”. I’m not excusing rape, but I’ve not been in the body of a 15 year old boy, so not sure how easy it is for them to stop past the point of no return. Adults will have far more control and so the law should deal with them differently.

It all depends on the facts.

To be honest this is why I think it’s unwise for 15 year olds to have sexual relationships.

If my 15 year old had targeted and raped a random girl, then this puts a different complexion on it.

THIS! 💯

I'm so sorry you and your dd are doing through this op 💐

You'll likely get the answers you want to hear here from people saying they would turn their sons in, but very few people actually know what they would do.

It's inbuilt in us to believe and protect our kids.

I wouldn't hide him from the consequences of his actions - the safety of others and the right of the victim to some kind of justice would be essential to me. But I would still love him and I would stand by him through his punishment and (hopefully) eventual rehabilitation. I would do everything I could to help him become a safe person.

"I'm not excusing rape.." and then goes on to excuse rape as consensual relations that 'got out of hand' because the poor 15yo doesn't know that stop means stop.

This site sometimes.

Victim was targeted and attacked by this person. I can’t say any more but she was targeted brutally attacked by this person.

I don't condone it at all...BUT I think that an average 15 year old boy who gets carried away with a girl he is naked in bed with, is "less bad" if you will, than a man who targets random women or an adult who rapes (within a relationship).

And I assume that the mother of the boy in question has been told that relations were consensual.

This is why we have a criminal justice system, because there is or should be nuance.

And I feel extremely sorry for the victim

Then that is heinous and I would have no hesitation in handing my son (if I had one) to the police

My sympathies to your daughter.

You think a teen being raped by a teen is better than an adult raping an adult?

I didn't realise there was a hierarchy of rapes.

Every day is a learning day.

Demonstrating this by disposing of his clothes 🤨

15 year old boys are completely able to stop raping someone

I would make sure my child handed themselves in. At that age, there is real scope to turn things around, admit guilt, do the work to be a better person. I’d support them 100% through this but I’d also be there, behind them, encouraging them to make the right choice themselves.

I don’t have anything to say other than I’m so very sorry for your daughter, and for you. I hope you’re getting adequate support to get through this. Sending much strength to you both.

If you have information that would prove a rape or help a case and you sit on it then you should hold yourself responsible in part for every future sex crime this person commits.

if his parent is doing this, then she is shameful.

there are very few things I would cut my child off for, but this is potentially one of them. I may still
maintain a relationship, but I would absolutely not hide evidence to avoid the penalties because that doesn’t help anyone

edited to add (because I’m awful and forgot to say this) but I hope your daughter is able to build her confidence back up and regain control of her life after this awful incident

@TheNightSurgeon
i would hope that you might have been intelligent enough to understand nuance

Or actually read what I posted

My son knows from a very early age that he would get no help from me if he committed a crime, I'd hand him straight in to face the consequences of his actions. I do however tell him that my love doesn't have condition and I would still love him even I didn't love his behaviour.

I feel I can answer this with some lived experience.

First of all the pp who is treating it like it’s not going to be as traumatic when you are a younger SA survivor has no idea the impact being raped can have on your life - despite not being an adult.

I was 10 and raped by a 14 year old boy, it was a long time ago but it changed my life in a big way and destroyed my trust and innocence. I had significant mental health issues and struggled with future romantic relationships, there was complicated repercussions with my family (including not being believed and my following behaviour leading to a full breakdown where I was hospitalised) which never recovered.
To say more is outing but the boys parents supported his version of events which was hard to cope with.

My best friend has an autistic son who struggles with boundaries and consent regarding sex. She warned authorities multiple times he was a danger but whilst he was in her care she was powerless as no one listened. She had young daughters she was struggling to protect.

She discovered her son had raped his sisters and turned him in and he went into supported living but it tore her family apart and her younger daughter has struggled for years. Her daughter idolised her brother beforehand and struggled with the impact of speaking out against him.

My friends son met a woman online and was deemed to have capacity to pursue the relationship, my friend constantly checked in on the “girlfriend” but when she made allegations of sexual assault my friend reported it straight away and got safeguarding in place to monitor any future correspondence online with girls and preventing any more unsupervised meet ups.

My friend still sees her son and will never stop loving him, she said her daughter and protecting other girls/women will always take priority. She had the natural instincts to protect him but morally she said she had to report him.

It doesn’t matter what age you become a victim, once you are one it’s hard to be anything else. I hope most women would understand that and realise the innocent party deserves loyalty protection and justice. It’s already difficult enough to achieve this without someone standing in the way because they think their boy should not be punished. I understand the reasoning behind this but imagine it was the other way around and your child was the victim, I imagine you would want justices some kind?

Nobody can know how they would act. And if this an ongoing situation, I don’t think it’s really appropriate for us to be discussing it.

Nope you should have taught your son that no means no.
Getting carried away is no excuse for raping someone your supposed to love, infact it's worse than raping a stranger especially for the victim.
You need to give your head a wobble if you think that there's any nuance in rape either the victim didn't consent or they did and at 15 he should know that and so should you.
@Sparklesandbananas I'm sorry about what you and your dc are going through but please remember that the mum is now an accessory after the fact and could very well end up going to jail for it and/or perverting the course of justice. Stay strong, the truth will out whether in crt this time or next but he will never pass an enhanced db's check so will never be allowed to work with vulnerable children or adults as it's now on his record for life that he's been accused of raping a child.
Also when your dc's case gets to crt he can't realistically claim consent aa a defence as he no commented during his interview

Remember reading about the brave couple who took their teenage son to the police station themselves after it emerged he had pushed a stranger off her bike raped her and hit her with a brick. They got a commendation from the judge.

I think being a parent is teaching right and wrong, being responsible to live with the consequences. There are a lot of parents who do not parent like this though.

I suppose it’s like when a child is hurt- you would literally wish you were lying in their place to take away their pain. But that is when your child is innocent. So as PP says, if the mother thinks her child is innocent then maybe she is going all out to protect him from injustice.

I think as parents you can see what your ‘little darlings’ are like and would consider her a monster if she didn’t do the right thing to turn him in and let justice run its course.

I read what you posted.

And I'm intelligent enough to know that someone who categorises the rape of a teenage girl as 'less bad' has a lot of issues. Good luck with those.