Weird man by trampoline

[Dreamingabouttomorrow]

Want to see if I’m overreacting as I have a tendency to be a little cautious/over protective
Sat outside this morning having a coffee and Dd on the trampoline. I nipped in to wash the dishes (can still see/hear Dd from here)
Heard a mans voice talking to Dd and his head over the fence. We have a nice set of neighbours and a nice neighbourhood feel, I would recognise all the neighbours, but had never seen him before.
Instinctively I just called Dd in and shut the back door.
We came in and around the front of the house at our gate was this guy and he shouted Good morning and not to be scared and something about having something for dd (he was holding a small
wooden box) I sort of said no thank you and shut the patio door.

Not sure now if Ive been ridiculous. To note, we live in a different country and the people do love children and are generally a lot more open and friendly with kids. It just didn’t feel right. Dd is used to having sweets or small gifts from two of the neighbours (all women, who we’ve known for years)

Am I being over the top or would you react in the same way

If I was alone with DD I wouldn't let him in. You could have asked who he was, perhaps he's just moved in or is visiting a neighbour and then decide whether or not to accept the gift (if that is a normal thing in your country, it would be pretty odd here), but better safe than sorry.

I would have asked who he was and why he was in my garden tbh.

He wasn’t in our garden. We have a fence in the back and front and back garden. In the back behind the fence is a small cul de sac and a few of our neighbours houses and a small road. He talked over the fence. At the front we have a fence and gate, he was calling to us over this

I think i would have dithered and asked what was in the box. And let him open it himself and show us.

If it was a dead frog or something i'd have said no thanks and run in.

If it was something nice i'd have accepted it gratefully but said we have to go now and gone in.

But we’ve never seen this man before, would you just accept a gift, all just a bit odd

So he was in the cul-de-sac over the back fence, not in one of your neighbour's gardens? Talking to your DD? That's not on and he should know better than to talk to a child while he's in the street and she's in her back garden.
Keep your eyes open @Dreamingabouttomorrow . He could be completely innocent but he could have been up to no good at all. Can you make your back fence higher?

If I'd seen a man with his head over the fence talking to my dc, I'd have asked him directly who he was and why was he talking to my child.

I also would have asked who he was. The reactions all seem a bit odd; I wouldn't be letting a stranger keep chatting to a child, nor accept gifts from randoms, but I also wouldn't bolt away from the garden locking doors rather than ask him a question. (Unless he had a knife or a gun, that's run and lock the doors territory.)

It probably sounds weird, but where we are, adults do engage nicely with kids a lot. He may live in one of those houses, but ive never seen him before. He was in a car I think, getting in or out, so may have chatted to her while he was getting in his car…I don’t know.
Probably being paranoid, but also a bit odd he was there talking to her as soon as I went in (he probably wouldn’t have been able to see me at the sink from where he was)
To note, he was an older man-maybe late 60’s/early 70’s, don’t know why this makes me a little less worried than if it was say a 40 year old

I didn’t let her carry on chatting, I sort of waved Hi, but called her in saying we had to go, as though we were busy etc

You don't have to accept a weird gift off a weird man just to be polite. I think you did the right thing calling your daughter in and clearly telling the man no thank you.

The problem is, this doesn't tell her nor him that it isn't ok for strangers to chat to solo little girls. That's why you would insert yourself, ask who he is, find out how he came to be there. Then you talk to your DD about being friendly when you're there, but to come to get you if there is a stranger so you can ensure she stays safe, because most strangers are kind but not all.

I would have been right in there asking who he was etc it teaches your DD boundaries. And no you were not being ridiculous

I did talk with Dd about not just accepting gifts from people we don’t know, she was keen to have whatever it was. So hard to do it without scaring them and taking their innocence away

YANBU.

This is weird AF. He’s got a wooden box to give to little girls? The only explanations for that are 1) he knows your DD and popped by to specifically give it to her (no) or 2) he always has this box with him and is chancing a random meeting with any old child (creep).

What was it? She must know what she expected it to be.

You aren't taking away innocence by explaining there are good and bad people, you are keeping your child safe. It also helps them to understand why they don't have to do whatever any adult tells them to, and that they can refer back to mummy.

Ask around your neighbours, they might know him, maybe he's staying with one of them.

He came into your back garden, uninvited?

I would call 911 (and take a photo of him through the window). Put a lock on your gate.

No, he was in the cul de sac behind the back garden fence.

She didn’t know, we’ve no idea, he was just holding a wooden box

How old is DD? You haven't said, I don't think.
She sounds little.

Still wouldn’t like it. Can you put in an higher fence, going forward, OP?

Might just be a cultural misunderstanding... I've spent long periods in Italy and Spain, where adult/child interactions aren't (yet) automatically brushed with suspicion as they are here in the UK. He might just have been a nice old man giving a child some wooden toy he made in his shed, because he can. Or he might have been a weirdo. I guess you're right to exercise caution, but something about that also saddens me a little.

6

Yes, exactly, this is how I feel too

In one mind, I think it’s odd and he seemed to appear out of nowhere, but on the other hand, what if he was just a kind man who saw her and had something in his car and thought a child might like it. If that is the case, I hope my reaction didn’t upset him.
I can’t be sure though