Weird man by trampoline

[Dreamingabouttomorrow]

Want to see if I’m overreacting as I have a tendency to be a little cautious/over protective
Sat outside this morning having a coffee and Dd on the trampoline. I nipped in to wash the dishes (can still see/hear Dd from here)
Heard a mans voice talking to Dd and his head over the fence. We have a nice set of neighbours and a nice neighbourhood feel, I would recognise all the neighbours, but had never seen him before.
Instinctively I just called Dd in and shut the back door.
We came in and around the front of the house at our gate was this guy and he shouted Good morning and not to be scared and something about having something for dd (he was holding a small
wooden box) I sort of said no thank you and shut the patio door.

Not sure now if Ive been ridiculous. To note, we live in a different country and the people do love children and are generally a lot more open and friendly with kids. It just didn’t feel right. Dd is used to having sweets or small gifts from two of the neighbours (all women, who we’ve known for years)

Am I being over the top or would you react in the same way

Yeah you don't need to be polite when it comes to weird men popping their heads over fences with presents for little girls, and I promise you won't take away her innocence more than being abducted will! So a) if he's got to his old age without knowing what it looks like to do that then he needs to know. And b) even if he was completely innocent your daughter should know not to engage at all with weird men and wooden boxes.
I am probably on the extreme end of things (I was abducted as a 3 year old though! All was fine, it was in a shopping centre and my mum chased the man screaming and he dropped me) but I have had numerous conversations with my son about what to do in these situations, he started off when he was younger asking questions and saying things like "I wouldn't want to shout in case I hurt their ears" and now he says he would shout as loud as he can "Stranger, I don't know you please talk to my mummy" and also that if someone goes to touch him he ramps it up with the shouting and should always aim for hitting someone in the testicles! I honestly don't think that knowing that there's some people that are "baddies" in an age appropriate way is negative for them, and knowing that they have a right to voiciferously and physically defend themselves if someone does something weird is important.

Yes it's weird

Any normal adult worth their salt knows it's right to speak to the parents first, especially before offering some random wooden box to a small child!

This. Definitely not on with a 6 year old. If you see him again, take a photo of him.

I would not be accepting any thing from a stranger.

Can you get your rear fences heightened, this event has highlighted that your rear garden is insecure - it sounds easily scaleable.

I wonder is it a culture thing? I spent a bit of time in the Netherlands as a child. I remember often getting random gifts from strangers. However that was a long time ago.

I would probably be screening off you garden better though.

Excellent point, he's seen her before. Creepy as hell.

I domt think he has

How would the child know what it was?

The best way to have dealt with this would have been to casually go outside to check on daughter and chat to him. That way, you get to know him a little/suss him out a bit and he knows you closely watch your daughter from the inside house.

After you had done that, then you have the chat with your daughter about stranger danger and to come inside to tell you if he appears. Presumably he cannot climb over the fence.

Many abusers groom the whole family.

Chat to him over the fence, don't agree to him babysitting etc. obvs..

You did what YOU thought was the best thing to do at the time. As all of us parents have to do from time to time, you made an instant decision on an action to keep your daughter away from what might or might not have been a risk to her. So there's no issue with what you did what so ever. You didn't shout abuse at him, spread rumours on FB, rush to all the neighbours saying keep your children inside their's a weird guy about. You just did what you thought best and nobody will judge you for that. Maybe time to have a conversation with your daughter about gifts from strangers etc.

In fairness, it could be entirely innocent. I’d have gone out to see who he was/chatted to him, not just ushered my child inside.

Why has he brought a box for her. It seems unlikely that he had a present for a child on him! I guess you'll never know.

I don’t think he brought it, but maybe had something in the car? I don’t know, he was holding and waving around a small wooden box. Seems so strange, I keep thinking about it
Told Dh, who is very laid back, open and friendly and he was quite concerned, so I’m uneasy. Not sure whether to post in the neighbourhood whatsapp, just asking it anyone knows this guy, don’t want to offend if he’s in that group or someones grandad though

Even if he’s someone’s relative, and even if he meant well, anyone with half a brain cell would have the self-reflection to know that speaking to a kid, offering a gift, largely without their parent there is a big fat no no.

It’s literally the equivalent of “don’t talk to the man offering you sweeties”

You could word it in a non-judgey way on a neighbourhood forum or just see if he surfaces again.