SIL being spitefull?

[Bringonthesun1]

AIBU to be annoyed here? SIL has been doing a few of what I believe to be “spiteful” things recently. My DS was in her company the other day and he mentioned about something new he had seen and they looked cool , but “mum is going to order me one!” As soon as he said that SiL told him “oh I will get you one anyway, ill pay for it to arrive faster than mums one and ill buy a few extras to go with it” 🧐 she did not bank on DS (9) telling me this. She is coming over this evening uninvited for my DD’s birthday (I had invited MIL and FIL, but she told my son she would be taging along!) aibu to be a bit miffed and to think that there is some strabge one up-age going on here with her? She is DH’s sister

You can't trust your inlaws either id have them see the kids at your house, you can't say this woman has no boundaries if you don't protect your own, if this woman is as bad as you say then you need to make sure she is nowhere near you or your family,

Yes. But the party tonight is at your house isn't it. So you CAN stop her being there even if you can't stop her being at your in-laws. Who, as a pp said, clearly can't be trusted.

And what time is this party anyway? It's nearly 7 now and a school night.

The gift one-upmanship is definitely spiteful. Why would she buy her nephew something that his mum has already ordered with faster delivery so that her gift will be the one that arrives first. She sounds like a jealous twa.t

Are your DH's parents doing this on purpose because they don't agree with you keeping SIL away from your kids? If that's the case, you will need to stop sending the kids there and stop inviting them if they bring your SIL with them.

How have they reacted to their daughter assaulting her brother? Have they taken her side?

Surely if you and your husband don't want her having contact with your child, then they won't?

As I said, it only creates a problem if you allow it to. You tell ds that sil is so kind and what a lovely thought and thank sil for her generous gift. Sil doesn’t get the reaction she wanted, assuming her intent was to cause some kind of drama. Sil spends her money, ds gets a gift and op saves her money.

This

Not how it is thanks

@Bringonthesun1 so the story about the gift is a red herring then. The real issue is why are my in laws facilitating contact between my children and the adult who physically assaulted my husband.
The gift for your ds really is a non issue in comparison, so not sure why you are focusing on that tbh.

She sounds like a nightmare and while this one instance on its own is not awful when she is not speaking to children's father after assault and knows she is not welcome around them it is very unreasonable.

I would not allow mil to watch children if she doesn't respect your wishes to not have contact with sil. But it really should be dh decsion (unless she is a danger to the dc)

Well that’s how it started off in your first post…

Oh FFS! As drip-feeds go, this one should be prize winning. You'd have very different responses if you put this in your first post.

Well now your DS has told you just let her buy this thing for him. Save your money or get him something else. Don't let it be a competition or share your annoyance. Are you cross with your in-laws too, for not keeping her away from your DC or do they not know what has gone on?

Im not cross with my in laws, there has been alot of emotional manipulation behind the scenes with SIL feeding lies to them, I feel sorry for my in laws in the situation

So your in laws don’t think/believe/know that their daughter assaulted her brother?

Regardless how sorry you feel for them you may have to draw a line now and prevent your son from having this again by telling your in-laws they can only see him at your house from now on.

While you're at it you should probably tell them you know she's planning to come along tonight and she is not welcome and won't be let in.

No

They do, but sil is an excellent lier

Previous posters are being disingenuous. A 'ah if your mums not ordered it yet I'm happy to get that for you' is completely different to 'l'll buy it for you, and I'll pay extra so it arrives first'. Its the arriving first thing that shows its completely motivated by one-upmanship (irrespective of the back story)

I am a bit confused, sorry.

I understand that SIL had unexpected contact with DS at PILS. If you wish to avoid that, you can’t allow DC to be at PILS unsupervised.

As for the party, surely you just tell SIL she’s not invited or welcome if she tries to gatecrash.

The present business is tedious side drama.

^This, OP.

You can't trust that she won't just barge in to you ILs home while your kids are there.

Don't let her in the house if she turns up.

It's all a bit silly really imo.

I'd be making use of it me. Save myself some coin on expensive stuff.

It certainly is different, thank you :) ds told her thst I had already ordered it so she was not doing me a favour to save money in any way , and the “ill pay extra so it srrives faster than mums one” is just bloody weird

Op if shes been violent why have you left your son with her?

Sorry just seen she just turned up. You say you're not mad with the inlaws but you should be. And to be fair you sound more annoyed about the gift comment then the fact she was with your son.