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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH always too over friendly with school mums

48 replies

Backtoworktmrw · 17/06/2025 12:42

My hubby is very social able compared to me and I think personally it’s too much sometimes. He has two mums at the school who I’m not very fond of and conveniently both of the mums are good friends. When I had our last child we was both stood at the school together neither of them even looked at me and told hubby congrats on the baby whilst I was stood next to him.

To this day they never look at me but as soon as they see hubby they are over to him stopping and chatting. DS had a birthday party and again they spent all the time chatting to hubby.

I’ve let it go for so long but it’s happened again today at sports day.

please tell me if I am being unreasonable as it’s my time of the month 😆

I always say hi to them but always get a poor effort hi back.

OP posts:
Strawberries86 · 17/06/2025 12:44

I get him being polite to them but why is he being friendly to people who treat you poorly?

Original poster
Backtoworktmrw · 17/06/2025 12:54

Strawberries86 · 17/06/2025 12:44

I get him being polite to them but why is he being friendly to people who treat you poorly?

This is exactly what I mean. I haven’t even mentioned it to him since the baby situation as he is his own person and I don’t want to come off as I’m being controlling. But I think it’s an absolute joke I can’t stand the both of them.

OP posts:
Eldermileniummam · 17/06/2025 12:57

I can see both sides - either he shouldn't be nice to them if he's not nice to you but then what's he going to do if they come over and say hi? You could ask him to start involving you in the conversation so they can't just come over but ignore you

On the other hand if he talks to them it's more likely they'll talk to him

redskydelight · 17/06/2025 12:59

If you're not fond of them, why do you expect them to talk to you? What's the reason you don't like them? Does DH know it? He probably thinks he's just being friendly to other parents.

ThejoyofNC · 17/06/2025 12:59

Perhaps they're just returning energy.

You are a wave and say hi person, so that's how they are with you. Your DH is more of a chatter so that's how they are with him.

I feel like you're making this everyone else's fault when you're just unsociable.

Honon · 17/06/2025 13:02

This wouldn't bother me, my dp and I both had people we clicked better with than others in the playground and who would make more of an effort with one of us than the other (and vice versa). I didn't see it as a personal slight for him to talk to them, it's just how it goes.

Imrighthere · 17/06/2025 13:06

Do you think potentially they might find you unsociable so do not attempt to make conversation?

Could you make a bit more effort to chat to them or say something nice such as “I love your bag, where did you buy it?” Or “What are you up to at the weekend?”

tripleginandtonic · 17/06/2025 13:06

He's bothered to talk and get to know them compared to you not liking them. No wonder they talk to him yabu.

JustAnInchident · 17/06/2025 13:09

ThejoyofNC · 17/06/2025 12:59

Perhaps they're just returning energy.

You are a wave and say hi person, so that's how they are with you. Your DH is more of a chatter so that's how they are with him.

I feel like you're making this everyone else's fault when you're just unsociable.

Sorry but I agree with this. Why do you say you aren’t too fond of these other women?

Arlanymor · 17/06/2025 13:09

Unpack this a bit - you say you are not fond of them, so presumably they know that and give you a wide berth for that reason - there's no right or wrong here, just people avoiding those that they don't like, you avoid them and they avoid you, right? No harm, no foul.

But you've not said they have been horrible to you - you just don't like them. But they like your husband, presumably because he talks to them and what's so wrong with that? It's better to have friendships at the school gate, however superficial, than to be miseries around each other - part of being social is to ease the wheels of friendship between your kids, it doesn't have to be deep level, but you can at least be pleasant on a surface level.

You admit you are unsociable - but your husband is the opposite. Neither of you are wrong, you are different, but don't blame him for being sociable to people who have done you no harm... unless you are about to drip feed.... you're making this other people's fault, but have you looked at how you come across?

Original poster
Backtoworktmrw · 17/06/2025 13:10

I’m not fond of them because who on earth congrats a man on the baby whilst his wife is stood next to him who’s 3 days post op after a c-section. They both couldn’t even look at me and say congrats! That’s why I’m not fond of them.

OP posts:
GinnyandGeorgia · 17/06/2025 13:11

You are both friendly with these women but they are just rude to you, and ignoring you?

It's annoying, but school gates are for your kids social life. I'd just take the invitations for my kid, and just mainly ignore them.

Butchyrestingface · 17/06/2025 13:12

Backtoworktmrw · 17/06/2025 13:10

I’m not fond of them because who on earth congrats a man on the baby whilst his wife is stood next to him who’s 3 days post op after a c-section. They both couldn’t even look at me and say congrats! That’s why I’m not fond of them.

I agree with you on that.

Whether or not they think you give off bad vibes or somehow signal something they don't like, it is astonishing bad manners to congratulate the father only on the new baby whilst completely blanking the person who actually BIRTHED the baby, standing right beside him.

GinnyandGeorgia · 17/06/2025 13:12

Backtoworktmrw · 17/06/2025 13:10

I’m not fond of them because who on earth congrats a man on the baby whilst his wife is stood next to him who’s 3 days post op after a c-section. They both couldn’t even look at me and say congrats! That’s why I’m not fond of them.

I don't like martyrs.

If you decide to to the school run 3 days after a c-section, it's on you. Clearly your husband was available for it anyway.

You sound like hard work, sorry.

Arlanymor · 17/06/2025 13:15

Backtoworktmrw · 17/06/2025 13:10

I’m not fond of them because who on earth congrats a man on the baby whilst his wife is stood next to him who’s 3 days post op after a c-section. They both couldn’t even look at me and say congrats! That’s why I’m not fond of them.

And this is why you don't like them? That is the only reason? Really? Even though they didn't know your birth circumstances (and why should they) unless you had your back turned to them, they probably assumed you would take their comments as applying to you too. But if you are naturally antisocial maybe you didn't pick up on this as a group conversation? You sound hard work, I have to say. Most people would lean into the conversation...

Summerthing · 17/06/2025 13:15

That sounds very frustrating OP.
Is he someone who needs to be liked by everyone?
I think a previous poster might be right about these mums matching his energy.
One way you could cope with this is to match his energy plus some more and interact with these other women the way he does, that's if you can get a word in if he's with you. And that's if you want them to communicate with you and not just with him. Sounds very rude to not acknowledge you as mother. Don't let him dominate the social interactions.

Andylion · 17/06/2025 13:15

Backtoworktmrw · 17/06/2025 13:10

I’m not fond of them because who on earth congrats a man on the baby whilst his wife is stood next to him who’s 3 days post op after a c-section. They both couldn’t even look at me and say congrats! That’s why I’m not fond of them.

What was your DH’s reaction when they said congratulations to him only?

PinkFlamingoCafe · 17/06/2025 13:16

GinnyandGeorgia · 17/06/2025 13:12

I don't like martyrs.

If you decide to to the school run 3 days after a c-section, it's on you. Clearly your husband was available for it anyway.

You sound like hard work, sorry.

Show quote history

Does she bollocks.

They're just plain rude.

@Backtoworktmrw don't listen to this it's totally rubbish.

They're being rude to you in plain sight. Maybe have a gentle conversation with your DH on how it's making you feel and see how he responds.

Icedcaramelfrappe · 17/06/2025 13:22

Nah, DH would be in my corner here and wouldnt be all pally with anyone who wasnt nice to me

Onelifeonly · 17/06/2025 13:22

I suspect they are returning what they receive. They have a friendly relationship with your DH so feel comfortable chatting to him, but sense your dislike/ lack of interest so say little to you. I'm very aware of how people respond to me and it's only natural to chat with the friendly ones.

IMO your DH should continue to be friendly- it's just social chitchat. Whereas I think you should try to be more open and friendly - you might find you enjoy a chat with others. Put out to get back. You don't have to be mean to people you don't like- you're not a teenager.

pjani · 17/06/2025 13:31

Did they definitely know you were with your bloke when they congratulated him on the baby?

I know lots of school parents by sight but often don't know who is with who so I could easily do this, congratulate the dad not knowing the mum is standing next to him.

Equally, I might feel a bit weird leaning over a dad to talk to a mum I've never spoken to before to offer my congratulations on their baby, and might also want to give her space remembering my own shell shocked zonked out post-partum periods.

I talk with both school mums and school dads and I have noticed one school mum giving me eyes like I'm chasing her bloke and I think it's a bit sad tbh, I'm just chatting like I would with anyone.

Summerthing · 17/06/2025 13:35

Sorry if this is a stupid question but do these other mums actually know who you are?

PomeloOud · 17/06/2025 13:41

They sound peculiarly rude. The congratulating him whilst ignoring you is just plain weird.

My husband would give people like this a wide berth in solidarity with me. Not that I’ve ever experienced anything but really nice school mums.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 17/06/2025 13:43

Martyr? Don't be so bloody ridiculous.
There are some right weirdos in this thread.

She's just had a baby. Ofc you congratulate both parents. And good on you, op, for getting into the swing of things quickly.

So follow your gut. These two clearly just want to be pally with your h. I'd point out to him that they are rude to you and as he's your h, he should really have your back and be pointed when it comes to this. Put his arm around you, bring you into any chat. It is what any socially skilled person does.

2024onwardsandup · 17/06/2025 13:45

Sounds like you’re not friendly to them so they’re not friendly to you. He’s friendly to them so they’re friendly to you.

why should he have to be unfriendly just because you are