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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Best friend

39 replies

Nazareye · 16/06/2025 22:00

i recently went on a holiday of a lifetime and it was touch and go if we went due to fil illness and on the way up to the airport I texted my best friend of 35 years to ask if I had upset her as she had been one word answers to my text and she said yes she was p**d off with me as I didn’t attend her daughters birthday party in a local pub and I could have gone on my own if my husband didn’t want to go. The reason I didn’t go was because my husband had had a phone call two days previous to say his father only had a short time left but he pulled through but was still very ill and my husband couldn’t face going to the party and I didn’t want to leave him at home. I am absolutely furious with my friend as it ruined the enjoyment to the start of my long awaited holiday. Since coming home I have cut her out of my life as I am so upset with the lack of consideration towards me there was no thought at all. Am I r being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Travellingpants · 16/06/2025 22:03

Did you explain why you couldn't go?

ThejoyofNC · 16/06/2025 22:07

I don't understand why you text her on your way to go on holiday of you were going to let it ruin your trip tbh. But otherwise, she's a cow.

FlamingoFloss · 16/06/2025 22:13

Depends if you had explained to her at the time why you couldn’t go or just didn’t turn up? If you explained at the time, then you are not being unreasonable IMO

ToKittyornottoKitty · 16/06/2025 22:31

Why did you ask her? Unreasonable to blame her for upsetting you before your holiday when you literally asked her!!

Did you tell her what was going on at the time?

BookArt55 · 16/06/2025 22:35

Sit down with her and have a grown up conversation. Communication between you both is shocking and verging on childish. No one revolves around us, but you both seem to think it does. You both have stuff going on, talk to each other. If you can't see each other's point of view and move on then end it.

YOU texted her a very clear question. What did you want her to do, lie? Because you're off on holiday. Strange.

sheknowsitstoolate · 16/06/2025 22:42

I wouldn’t have asked her just before going on holiday knowing that she could have replied shitty back.

She sounds like a muppet though. It was a birthday party in a pub. I guess you told her why you couldn’t go if she said that you should have just gone on your own?

SpotOnKid · 16/06/2025 22:45

It's fine to feel angry with her.

But cutting her out of your life is a bit extreme isn't it? Given you've been best friends for 35 years?

Cant you talk about it?

Original poster
Nazareye · 16/06/2025 22:48

hi
yes i did though she knew though she knew as i was away with her at the time when my husband got the call and i said to her at the time i doubt ill make the party which she said dont worry about it 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
Nazareye · 16/06/2025 22:49

Hi I only asked as I was thinking in the car about the one worded text replies I never dreamed I would get that reply from her as she knew what the previous few days had been like.

OP posts:
AmelieSummer25 · 16/06/2025 22:51

Nazareye · 16/06/2025 22:49

Hi I only asked as I was thinking in the car about the one worded text replies I never dreamed I would get that reply from her as she knew what the previous few days had been like.

Well don't ask a question you might not like the honest answer ti.

Dude you want her to lie to you?

Original poster
Nazareye · 16/06/2025 22:53

No I didnt want her to lie I never dreamed that the reason she was being funny was that I didn’t go to the party after speaking to her and letting her know about how upset my husband was s that was why we wasn’t attending.. I don’t think for one minute life revolves around me but I do expect understanding and compassion between friends

OP posts:
DeSoleil · 16/06/2025 22:53

Well you’ve done it now, she’s gone as you so wished, so just move on.

Original poster
Nazareye · 16/06/2025 22:58

AmelieSummer25 · 16/06/2025 22:51

Well don't ask a question you might not like the honest answer ti.

Dude you want her to lie to you?

Show quote history

Absolutely no I don’t expect her to lie but i honestly did not expect that reply as she knew what had been going on and I messaged her before the party to apologise about not going I also texted her daughter to explain and apologise but I did not want to leave my husband and he didn’t want to go as understandable he couldn’t face going

OP posts:
Original poster
Nazareye · 16/06/2025 22:59

Travellingpants · 16/06/2025 22:03

Did you explain why you couldn't go?

I explained by text even though she knew what had happened and I also apologised to her daughter

OP posts:
BatchCookBabe · 16/06/2025 23:00

Sounds like this friendship has gone past its sell by date to be honest.

I'd start looking for a few new friends.

Original poster
Nazareye · 16/06/2025 23:02

SpotOnKid · 16/06/2025 22:45

It's fine to feel angry with her.

But cutting her out of your life is a bit extreme isn't it? Given you've been best friends for 35 years?

Cant you talk about it?

Hi
yes it does seem extreme but it was the last straw she seems to think that she can say what she wants to me without having a reaction and I couldn’t believe her lack of compassion

OP posts:
Original poster
Nazareye · 16/06/2025 23:04

ThejoyofNC · 16/06/2025 22:07

I don't understand why you text her on your way to go on holiday of you were going to let it ruin your trip tbh. But otherwise, she's a cow.

Beacuse I was checking she was ok as she had been one word answers as I didn’t think it was about me not going to the party after I messaged her and her daughter to apologise about not going and explaining why though they knew what the past few days had been like

OP posts:
Notsosure1 · 16/06/2025 23:05

You should just reply - So you wanted me to leave my distraught husband alone, party with you and your family and forget my much loved FIL has potentially just days to live? Seriously???

She needs to reflect what a self-centred shit she is.

Original poster
Nazareye · 16/06/2025 23:05

Travellingpants · 16/06/2025 22:03

Did you explain why you couldn't go?

Yes i apologised to her and her daughter and explained why though they were both aware of the situation

OP posts:
Original poster
Nazareye · 16/06/2025 23:10

BookArt55 · 16/06/2025 22:35

Sit down with her and have a grown up conversation. Communication between you both is shocking and verging on childish. No one revolves around us, but you both seem to think it does. You both have stuff going on, talk to each other. If you can't see each other's point of view and move on then end it.

YOU texted her a very clear question. What did you want her to do, lie? Because you're off on holiday. Strange.

o I didnt want her to lie I never dreamed that the reason she was being funny was that I didn’t go to the party after speaking to her and letting her know about how upset my husband was s that was why we wasn’t attending.. I don’t think for one minute life revolves around me but I do expect understanding and compassion between friends

OP posts:
ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 16/06/2025 23:11

How have you managed to maintain a 35 year friendship when you can fall out this easily? Has she done this sort of thing before?

SummerInSun · 16/06/2025 23:17

This is insane. You asked why she was being a bit short with you. She gave you an honest answer and admitted it was because she was a cross you didn’t make the effort for the party. But she didn’t say that she wanted to end the friendship, or anything else mean, from the sound of it. Odds are if you had said “i understand and I really wanted to be there but DH was still deeply upset about his father’s impending death and given he might have got the call FIL had died at any time, I didn’t want to leave him”, she would have gotten over it, or at least had the good grace to pretend it never happened by the time you were back. Instead, you chose to let her honest answer “ruin” your holiday and have now cut her out of your life. That’s idiotic and dramatic. I’m amazed you have any friends if you flounce off every time there is a misunderstanding or someone admits to an emotion that you don’t like.

heroinechic · 16/06/2025 23:19

How on god’s green earth have you maintained a close friendship with this woman for 35 years if this little thing is enough for you to cut her out of your life?! You both sound like drama llamas.

She should be more understanding as to why you couldn’t make the party, you shouldn’t be this triggered by her being pissed off with you. Why would you let that impact your holiday? That’s on you btw, not on her.

If my best friend had text me that I’d have said “sorry love, you know I’d have loved to have been there but the circumstances didn’t allow it. Heading to the airport soon, can’t wait to catch up when I get back!” and thought no more of it.

MeganM3 · 16/06/2025 23:20

Sounds like a silly falling out from both sides.

Sleeplessnightssleepydays · 17/06/2025 03:12

She doesn't sound much of a friend OP
.
It's absolutely ridiculous that she thinks her daughter's birthday party is more important than you supporting your H when he needs you at a difficult time .

She must be a really shallow and self centered person who doesnt understand how a marriage should work.

She has shown you she is no friend and you are better off without her. Get on with your life and concentrate on people who are real friends..

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