Best friend

[Nazareye]

i recently went on a holiday of a lifetime and it was touch and go if we went due to fil illness and on the way up to the airport I texted my best friend of 35 years to ask if I had upset her as she had been one word answers to my text and she said yes she was p**d off with me as I didn’t attend her daughters birthday party in a local pub and I could have gone on my own if my husband didn’t want to go. The reason I didn’t go was because my husband had had a phone call two days previous to say his father only had a short time left but he pulled through but was still very ill and my husband couldn’t face going to the party and I didn’t want to leave him at home. I am absolutely furious with my friend as it ruined the enjoyment to the start of my long awaited holiday. Since coming home I have cut her out of my life as I am so upset with the lack of consideration towards me there was no thought at all. Am I r being unreasonable?

Don’t ask a question you don’t want to know the answer to!
The holiday is nothing to do with it. You asked she told you.
It’s a crap reason for her to be annoyed, you were supporting your dh going through a difficult time. It’s an understandable reason to miss an event.
Also childish behaviour on her part giving one word answers until you ask what’s wrong. I’d be irritated by her too.

The friendship has run it's course and she has used this situation as an excuse I think.
I wouldn't bother with her anymore , keep your distance and move on .

How long was it between the party and the holiday? If all within a week perhaps she feels miffed that you are too upset to go to the party but not too upset to go on holiday?

I don’t think you were wrong and she is being uncaring. How old was the daughter and was it a fancy affair?

Hi I asked the question as I never dreamed it was anything to do with me not going to the party

What exactly did you say as the reason for not going to the party?

You both sound a bit childish to be honest.

How old was the daughter who's birthday it was? Was it a significant birthday like 18 or 21? (I'm trying to understand why your friend was so upset) And we're there many people going?

I think she was U for giving one word answers to you when she was annoyed you didn't go to the party. She was probably also U for being so annoyed with you when you had good reason to not go to the party. However you asked if/why she was annoyed with you and she was honest. You were being U by allowing that to spoil your holiday. And you are being U now by "cutting her off" for spoiling your holiday.
If it's a one-sided friendship that you don't want to continue, then fine. But at least tell her and own it rather than texting and blocking texts and playing who was the worst treated in a game of text top trumps.

I think the 'don't ask a question you don't want an answer to' applies more to things like 'does this dress suit me', 'what do you think of my new boyfriend' etc where there isn't a reasonable / unreasonable answer, there's just an opinion.

Of course its unreasonable that she was upset with you because you supported your husband when his fil was suddenly seriously ill, rather than party, particularly when she knew this was the case and when you'd already apologised about the party. Being short with you for that is just nasty and childish. What did she want you to actually do, say 'bad luck about your dad DH, I'm off out to party, hopefully he doesn't die tonight!'

It doesn't sound like she is much of a friend

Your failure of imagination doesn't change that poster's point. You are the one who asked the question on your way to the airport. If you're asking someone if you've upset them, then it's a fair assumption that the answer will be yes and that the exchange could 'ruin the enjoyment to the start of your long-awaited holiday', so that's entirely on you. The fact that you're furious and blaming her for it is a bit rich and saying you never dreamt it could be anything to do with you makes me think you're not very aware of how you impact other people and will see yourself as the victim in any event. Fact is you had a holiday of the lifetime, but instead of being thrilled about that, you're focusing on this friend drama and cutting her off. This holiday upset is all if your own making and you might as well own it.

YABU to say she spoilt your holiday. You anticipated there was something wrong and walked yourself straight in to it

You sound as bad as one another, with the one-word answers, the upset over the party, resentment at ‘ruining the holiday of a lifetime’ and then cutting off contact with a friend of 35 years.

Unless this is one of those Mn friendships where ‘best friend of 35 years’ means ‘someone I don’t much like’.

Thanks for all your messages and replies. Just to quote friend was well aware of my situation and her and her daughter was apologied to on the day of the party. It didn’t ruin my holiday as some people have said I said it ruined my enjoyment of the start of the holiday no way would I have let it spoil my holiday and the reason I texted to ask her had I upset her and as because she was being quiet with one word answers and I was worried about her that’s why I didn’t think it was anything to do with me not going to the party as I would have thought she would have said the day after the party not a week later. But again thanks all for all your replies great to see it from other people’s point of view that’s why I asked

Tell her to STFU and piss off.