I ruminate endlessly over decisions then immediately regret them once I’ve made them

[ThatNimblePeer]

Does anyone else struggle with this? So sick of it.

I procrastinate about making decisions which makes me extremely stressed, but as soon as I’ve made them I feel awful and can’t stop going over the other option and wondering or worrying whether it would have been better. Knowing that I will feel awful once I’ve made the decision then feeds into me procrastinating over the next one, obviously.

Has anyone managed not to be like this? I’m not a huge believer in therapy tbh so would love solutions that didn’t involve that.

I understand totally. I now view worst case senario and then decide from there.Often its not that bad!

That’s interesting @rubicustellitall, do you mean you think about the worst case scenario that would result from making choice A, versus the worst case scenario that would result from making choice B, and then make a decision between the two based on which worst case scenario you would find it most possible to live with?

I think this is often a form of OCD.

Does it happen with small decisions with low risk, or is it mainly big decisions?

Yes exactly that system!

Oh I am terrible like this!
it takes me so long to plan things/ book tickets etc. it all becomes too much.

I am a terrible decision maker! I don't mean I always make terrible decisions (although sometimes I do obv), but that it takes me ages to decide on something, and I kind of want to think thru every option in detail. It's like I'm terrified of getting it wrong!

I find it helps if I project myself into the future, and imagine that I've made the decision. Then I ask myself "How does it feel now that you've gone for option A", followed by "How does it feel now that you've gone for option B". Imagining how I will feel after the decision is made helps me work out which is best. I think that beforehand, I focus too much on what I should do, or what others want me to do, rather than what I really want to do myself.

It doesn’t happen with a decision like ‘shall I have an apple or an orange at breakfast’, but it does happen with stuff that is objectively pretty low stakes or should be, which theatre tickets and plane tickets as a PP said, or where to stay for a few days away.

Certainly happens with big decisions also, and worse. I’m wondering if it’s worse at the moment because I made a big decision a year back I’m really not happy with, so in a place of not trusting myself. I think I have noticed I seem to struggle a bit less when I’m generally happy with how things are, although it never completely goes away.

I think it likely is a form of OCD, yes,

Rather than making a decision could it be solved / moved forward by asking a question?

I had adhd and ovethinking is veryyyy common.

Not really I’m afraid! I can sometimes ask a question to gather more information before making a decision, but the decision still has to be made.

I do this too OP. It came home to me when I was agonising between two possible fabrics to cover a sofa and the guy said to me "It doesn't matter which one you choose, you'll wish you'd chosen the other one afterwards". He'd only just met me but nailed it straight away ..

I'm not sure what the answer is. Rushing a decision doesn't help. I sometimes feel pushed into that by my husband getting impatient and then I make the wrong choice. I do need to take my time. Just not to agonise between two perfectly acceptable options.

What would help is knowing I can change things if they're wrong. If I was single, and I bought something I hated, it would only be up to me whether I got rid of it and bought another. But in a marriage, you're making that decison with a shared income and that's different.

Sorry; I'm not helping but sending sympathy! Not sure exactly how but yes, I suspect OCD has something to do with it.

You should see the mess I get myself into when I need to buy a new appliance. I do so much research I don't know whether I'm coming or going and then I stress that what I chose will be rubbish until it's in and working and then I'm okay.

We go on holiday on Wednesday and I'm stressing about if the 5* hotel I've booked is actually shit and it'll be a waste of our time and money and we'll be super disappointed. I'll be okay once I'm there and see it's (most likely) fine, but I've been stressing about this for months.

Same here. Have always been this way.

It's worse when I'm put on the spot and have to make a decision quickly or if I've (finally!) made a decision and then for whatever reason that option is not available or there are suddenly more choices and I have to make another decision.

Like today... DD has been short-sighted since she was a toddler and after quite a long period of stability, she's now reached the age when it can deteriorate quite rapidly. She had an appointment in January when they advised getting the (expensive) myopia management lenses to slow down the progression. Couldn't make a decision on the spot, so came away to think about it... Cue five months later (we have had other things going on), went back today to have another eye test and to order the lenses. For them to tell me that they have another version of the lenses which are less than half the price, but slow down the progression by 40%, compared to 50% with the more expensive lenses🤦‍♀️

I even struggle with deciding which colour to have my nails done... Have previously regretted and wished I'd gone with another option.

What helps me is getting alllllll the information (I think the optician was a bit bemused by all of my questioning)... And asking for others' advice. I think I have got very slightly a bit better recently.

I have this and it is so time consuming. When making decisions I narrow options down to say my top 3 say, then my DH makes the final decision from my top 3. So basically all options are good options but I don’t have to make the final decision.

I don’t have a partner so I can’t do this unfortunately, but I can definitely imagine having a decisive partner is helpful!

Decision paralysis. It’s awful!

This is my life.
I can’t make a decision without researching endlessly and even when I have made the decision I continue to second guess myself or look at the alternatives. My life has been impacted negatively as a resultn and I envy people who are able to just do something and move on.
we moved house recently and you can imagine the hell that was.

I do this too OP, unless I am at work where I can make a decision no problem and always feel like I know what the right thing to do it.

In ‘real life’ though I spend hours/days going over and over things in my head and feel like whatever I decide it’s always the wrong thing.

I overthink every decision - big or small. It can be really overwhelming. I've not really found any strategies for me but I do find I need all information to help me

Yes I do this too. For example, I recently chose to drop my hours when returning from maternity leave, and after the decision was made felt truly consumed with anxiety for about two weeks and feeling that I'd chosen wrong. I'm sure if I hadn't chosen to do so then I would have felt similar but the other way around...

I think it's a bit of anxious perfectionism, wanting to get things 'right' and worried about mucking things up.

I also spend hours researching things on my phone before and after decisions.

I think you have to kind of reframe you mind to let go of a black and white 'good decision' and 'bad decision' and just think you've made a decision. Often times there isn't a clear right and wrong but I think it's about practicing feeling content you made a decision. If it truly is a wrong decision, often it can be rectified. If it can't be rectified, then I try to think of the song that goes 'getting away with it all messed up' by James...life is messy sometimes and it can be just a case of practising making some bold decisions, accepting the road not travelled and moving onto the next thing. I think this is a train the puppy/muscle thing that you can work on.

This short video from The School of Life is about exactly this sort of thing OP. It might be helpful!

I am exactly the same! Whether it is a major decision, or what sandwich I should get on a meal deal. I spent hours and hours researching things from cat litter trays to holiday destinations and hotels. Once I have finally made a decision, the worry continues and I have to carry on researching to make me feel better about my choice. This doesn't always work! When I book a holiday, I stress that the hotel will be rubbish and the weather will be bad. When I book thearte tickets, I spend ages looking at the view from the different seats! My husband doesn't seem to stress about decisions on this way, maybe because he leaves most of them to me. I do just wish he would take the reins more and make decisions, but I know then I would be worried he had made the wrong choice and not done enough research, so really no one wins in that situation! 😖
When I'm with my friends, I absolutely love it when they make the decisions, what restaurant to go to, where to go on holiday etc. It feels like such a treat!

I am similar OP, I feel like can never trust myself to make a decision. I found this quite helpful, essentially we have to make 100s of decisions every day and there are no necessarily right or wrong decisions in the moment, you just have to be able to deal with whatever happens next:

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DJmKnkTttW-/?igsh=a3QxZ2NkNW1mYjB0

I am sure you weren’t commenting for advice but rather as an example of a tricky decision but if it makes it easier I 10000% think you should prioritise your DD’s eyesight over cost of lenses, if you can afford the more expensive ones. You’re never going to regret getting the better glasses!