To ask if you had your time again would you make the same family decisions

[Fragmentedbrain]

Who/if you married
Whether or not you had kids
How you managed your adult relationships with siblings/parents

I would have had more children I had my children in my 30s, I wish I'd had additional children in my 20s too

The problem with this question is that NOW we know what to avoid, how having kids can turn out, what jobs we were best suited to. But back THEN we didn't, we just did the best we could with the information available. Nobody sets out to fuck up their life, sometimes it just happens. So if we had the same time again, we'd likely just do the same again - unless we already knew what we know now. If I knew what I know now I'd have done a lot differently, but at the time I just made the best decisions I could then with what I knew then.

I often wonder if I could have hung on in there and made a better job of my first marriage. However, that would mean I wouldn't have the lovely second husband and daughter I subsequently had.

I have a very toxic mother and I wish I hadn't wasted so much time trying to get her to like me or to change. When my Grandmother was alive she'd always make excuses for her and make me promise I'd always be there for my mother but I should have just said no and walked away. Other than that I wouldn't change anything.

I'm going to say this too. She has been really over bearing at times and it's really impacted my decisions and how I've felt about things.

I would want exactly the same child but with a totally different and better man but I realise that's impossible!

Happy with my decisions on marriage (not married, been happy with DP for over 20 years), kids (didn’t have any, massively glad I didn’t) and parental/sibling relationships. Not perfect, but certainly not bad and there’s nothing different I could have/would have done.

I’d do everything differently but I’m not unhappy now.

I would have found someone else to have children with.

I would have had less kids even though I love them all dearly. I would have changed careers a lot earlier and hopefully been a lot happier. I feel I wasted a lot of years being thoroughly stressed in a stressful career. I would have tried harder with my mum not knowing she would die youngish. I do have a lot of regrets.

I have been really struggling with this recently as I am feeling a lot of regret for past decisions.

i wish i had tried for a baby earlier - i was too scared (struggled with first pregnancy) and left it too late. I see happy families with 2 kids everywhere and I feel stupid I didn’t try earlier and my ds will never have a sibling.

I worked hard on my career early and have been “successful” in that, but what a price to pay…

As of right now, I don’t regret any of my choices and wouldn’t change anything.

I regret most of the life decisions I’ve made but there’s nothing I can do about it.

I sometimes wish I’d have another baby but I was in the depths of sleep deprivation and traumatised! Now it’s too late IMO and I don’t want the age gap. However, we have a happy, healthy gorgeous boy who we can give the world to! Husband… I’d not change a thing. I adore him.

Family… hmm I am sure I could have made different choices but I also could have said/done a lot worse! We are who we are!

I would do it all so differently.

I would do nothing the same.
Wasted the best years of my life on exdp.
Had too many dc for all the wrong reasons...

Yep I regret every single major life choice I made.

Nailed it.

Unequivocal yes to my husband

Wholehearted yes to my children

All good with my siblings

My relationship with my parents is superficially good but with so much hurt beneath the veneer. If I had my time again perhaps I would try to change that by bringing the hurt out in to the open and trying to address it, but I know that in reality it would never work and the explosive consequences would be devastating.

I’d have been a lot gentler with DS. I was far too strict with him as a toddler.

I wouldn’t change my family at all though. I have had fleeting thoughts about how much easier life was with one though. I found having a three year old and a just one year old really hard and relentless. DD (my younger child) is now two next month and it’s so much easier, although the terrible twos have started in earnest. This time round though I’m much more chilled and don’t take it personally. I wish I’d been like this with DS.

Absolutely, everything is working well and I'm pleased with the decisions we made.

Yes, although I might have had a third child, mine are (young) teens now and pretty independent, I’d love to have a smaller one again!

I'm very happy with my life as it is. But if I did it again I would -

A) be less desperate in my relationship with my ex. I should have broken up with him sooner.

B) not wasted a decade pining over said ex, and dated loads more guys instead. And been much more laid back about just asking people out.

C) I absolutely love being a Sahm. I so wish I'd met DH earlier so having more than one child had been possible.

But of course there's no guarantee that if I'd changed any of those things I'd be happier. I am very lucky.

I would have married the same man but I 100%, definitely would not have kids .

What is your relationship like with your children @Tangerinenets ?

I would have spent more time with my mum and told her how amazing she was. When she got diagnosed with cancer my children were little and I was working full time and I was overwhelmed by her diagnosis. She died much more quickly than expected. She spent her life looking after everyone else and I wish I’d have taken a career break to spend time with her. Would have definitely married DH and had 2 DC but would have been more aware of DD’s struggles- she was diagnosed autistic at 18 and supported her differently.