We don’t have room for husbands niece and nephew to stay over?

[Oliveover28]

Husbands niece and nephew in town for a month while there mum works. Between the nan and husbands other sister, they are looking after them. Both work. Me and my husband both work demanding jobs out of the home so can’t help during the week. During the weekend we said we will take them out both days for the whole day, but I said to my husband I would rather them be dropped back off at nans house because she has 2 big spare bedrooms.
we are currently renting and have 1 single bed (which is a smelly dog bed) in the spare room. We have a tiny house/apartment and no where really for them to sleep. My husband said I have rubbed him up the wrong way that they can’t stay over and he would put an air mattress on the floor. I just think for the sake off driving them 15 minutes back to nanny’s where they can have there own room each, why force them to stay here with no space?

some other contributing factors

• she sister (the mum) is horrible towards me
• I get overwhelmed with my ADHD and often need to recharge after socializing.
• I’m worried they’ll accidentally let me dogs out. One of my dogs isn’t keen on screaming children.

am I being unreasonable?

It's not juay your house though. Your husb should be allo his niece and nephew over to stay for the night if he wants. Gor the kids or would be an adventure, they probably wouldn't care if they slept in the floor - as long as they got to stay over at their uncles.
Maybe you should stay elsewhere for that night?

What's his argument? Grandma getting tired, what?

I was about to say YABU until the part about dogs. I'm not sure I'd want children in a house with dogs which aren't very tolerant of children at all, especially overnight, unless you can absolutely guarantee the dogs will be kept away from them.
If you're talking about 2 very calm dogs who just prefer quiet then yabu, but if there's a risk of the dogs biting then I'd definitely stick to just taking them out.

Bringing kids into a dog's home who 'isn't keen on screaming children' is a recipe for disaster imo so I agree with you OP.

I’m guessing you are offering to have them at the weekends to give the Nan in particular a break? It’s not so much of a break if she has to do bedtime / any disturbances through the night/ morning routine and breakfast really is it? Getting a proper break during 2 days and a good sleep I night a week on the Saturday would be a great help in getting through the rest of the week.
if your DH is happy to make the arrangements then I don’t think you can object.
edited for spelling

How old are the children? Why don’t you or DH ask them if they want to sleep over on an air bed or go back to their nanas. It’s for one night and if you’ve plans to take them out anyway both days it’s not like they need a bedroom.

• she sister (the mum) is horrible towards me

This shouldn’t really be a contributing factor. It’s your DH sister and he wants his niece and nephew to stay over. You can’t take stuff out in the kids because their mum doesn’t like you

How old are the children? Is your husband trying to give the Nan a break for the night? Are they only staying over 1 night? Would both be happy to share an air bed? If they're staying over for 1 night, I don't see the issue. If it was a case of them staying for a week, then then not having their own space would be an issue. You're more of less saying your husband can't have anyone staying over due to you becoming overwhelmed. You need to find strategies that help you, that don't restrict your husband too. It's as much his home as it's yours. I'm sure on a daily basis your husband is mindful of you, but sometimes it can't.

'One of my dogs isn’t keen on screaming children.'

How old are they and do they tend to scream a lot?

i guess he wants to spend a bit more time with them and contribute to the support the family is offering. I think you need to suck it up OP.

How about you settle this disagreement between yourself and your husband by agreeing to talk to the "nan" and the sister about the two options (nan's house for sleeping or your own, given the differences) and whether the children, themselves, could decide?

How old are the children?

I tend to agree with your DH though - if, as a family, everyone is stepping up, why can't he throw an airbed down for them? If your dogs aren't safe around chidlren, that is perhaps another separate factor but I don't think sleeping on an air bed is, in itself, a big deal for two kids.

If he's willing to take the lead on setting everything up and cleaning up after them, normally I'd say you should go along with his wishes, as it's his family. (But he needs to actually do the work and not just say he will, then leave it all to you.)

However, the dog is a bigger potential problem. If the dog is just not fond of noisy kids, I'd make an effort to keep them separated as much as possible for the few hours that the kids are awake in your home each evening and tell DH that it's his responsibility to keep the kids from screaming. If it's more on the level of a safety concern, then YANBU, unless you can keep them apart the whole time.

As for their letting the dogs out, if they're young, I'd just lock the door; if they're old enough to know better, I'd firmly enforce a rule that they must ask you before attempting to go outside, then knock and wait to be let back in. You can put the dogs in a closed room when they come and go. Not ideal, but how often will they leave the house, if you're out all day and only home for the evenings?

I wouldn't like having them over, personally, but if it's possible to make it work, I'd do it for my husband's sake, even if I didn't particularly like his sister.

It’s one night and only a couple of hours of the additional time will the kids be conscious!

Set up an air mattress, watch tv with your husband in your room on the iPad or whatever for one night and give the ones doing a lot more childcare a proper break!

What about the dogs all living in a confined space with children who may not be respectful of the dogs?

If a child gets bitten because of an excited child then the dog risks losing its life!

I was with your DH until the part about the dogs. If you have a dog that does not tolerate children it is dangerous for them to be at yours unless you can effectively shut the dog in another room. Given the size of your home that doesn't sound realistic.

I wouldn’t be comfortable with my children staying at your house if your dogs were going to be on edge. So for that YANBU

I think leave it to you DH to handle and organise - I don't think it's fair he can't have his niece and nephew over and give the grandma a break

Right. And my dog will be to blame.

yeah. They have a real loving mum that hates on everyone too 😜

So what happens if neice or nephew gets bitten by dog because dog is scared of the 2 young kids? Dog gets put down?

Its not worth the risk imo

But that’s their mum, not them….

However awful their mum is says nothing about how they will be.

In this particular case, I think you need to make it clear:

• your dh is in charge of the dcs, including ensuring things are fine with the dogs
• he sorts out the bed situation (looking he’ll need TWO mayoresses in the floor is the single bed is more of a dog bed)
• you’ll need time out. He is to respect that time off.
• and if anything like this comes up again, it something that needs to be decided TOGETHER. It’s not just about your personal issues with the mother, nor should it be him deciding ‘because it’s his family’.

But that’s something her DP should think about before hand. Something he needs to plan further before hand. It might not be ab issue if they spend the whole day out wo the dogs (and the OP) and come back only to sleep there.

But also dogs that can’t cope with children around in the house and are at risk of bitting are the issue. Not the children.

To be honest I just disagree with you.

I am not a dog owner myself, but if you know your dog is not used to and isn’t happy around small children - as a good owner you then acknowledge small children around your pet for a period of time especially overnight is not a good idea.

Why should the dog be put down because OP and her DP let the kids over, it is not the kids fault or the dogs.

Seems a bit off to say well its not the kids fault if the dog bites, basically saying they should stay over and if anything was to happen just put the dog down who would be “At fault”

I agree with you. As a responsible dog owner; I need to acknowledge my dogs traits. It’s down to me to protect my dog from doing something dangerous, and to not put my dog in situations that will stress him out.

this family look at it with a different lens. For example, they have put the kids around a pitbull this week that doesn’t really like children. Now IMO I would never do that. It’s not fair on the dog, or the children. The children do not know the dog does not like children and the pitbull is forced to live with children. This family see it as, well we all just need to get on with it, it will be fine etc etc.

A good parent, or a good dog owner, would not put their dog or their children in these situations!