We don’t have room for husbands niece and nephew to stay over?

[Oliveover28]

Husbands niece and nephew in town for a month while there mum works. Between the nan and husbands other sister, they are looking after them. Both work. Me and my husband both work demanding jobs out of the home so can’t help during the week. During the weekend we said we will take them out both days for the whole day, but I said to my husband I would rather them be dropped back off at nans house because she has 2 big spare bedrooms.
we are currently renting and have 1 single bed (which is a smelly dog bed) in the spare room. We have a tiny house/apartment and no where really for them to sleep. My husband said I have rubbed him up the wrong way that they can’t stay over and he would put an air mattress on the floor. I just think for the sake off driving them 15 minutes back to nanny’s where they can have there own room each, why force them to stay here with no space?

some other contributing factors

• she sister (the mum) is horrible towards me
• I get overwhelmed with my ADHD and often need to recharge after socializing.
• I’m worried they’ll accidentally let me dogs out. One of my dogs isn’t keen on screaming children.

am I being unreasonable?

this. My dogs had never lived with kids. They weren't dangerous but you cannot just introduce dogs to new probably stressing stuff and then blame the dog when it goes tits up. I have had children in my house to visit, not overnight and they did meet my dogs but the dogs were on leads for the whole visit and the children had a separate adult strictly supervising them. Also they were sensible well behaved kids who I already knew.

You have more than one dog and they aren't good with children.

Your place is not suitable for young children. They would not be safe there, that's the bottom line.

Does your husband want his young relatives bitten and the dogs put down just so he can play whatever he's trying to prove here?

Surely you can keep the kids and dogs apart for one night. If you’re out all day and one person walks them whilst the kids eat dinner and bathe or whatever then the dogs just chill in the bedroom/their doggy single bed in the second bedroom whilst the kids sleep in the lounge. Doesn’t sound insurmountable to me!

if the dogs aren't usedf to that, it absolutely WILL NOT work

I think your husband has a right to have family stay over. But equally you also have a right to calm down time after social stuff.

I have ADHD and autism. In your situation I would take the dogs and go and stay with my sister, who I don’t have to mask around and don’t get burned out socialising with. Do you have family you can stay with for the weekend? Or failing that stay home while husband takes the kids out so you have the social energy for the evenings/ hide in your room with the dogs in the evening

Of course she can object!😂 You can't force someone to have children in their home if they don't want them! The OP has graciously agreed to take them out for two days to help out the mother that she doesn't even like whilst not being at all related to the children.

These aren't step kids she doesn't own anyone anything.

Op are you helping one weekend or every weekend for the month? 8 days is too much to ask free childcare from someone.

I would say to dh that if he's having the children sleep over you're going to go and find somewhere else to be those days so you don't get overwhelmed. Somehow I doubt he'll be so happy once he realizes that he hasn't got a woman doing the bulk of the babysitting work he's getting credit for. He can do watch the kids and dogs and do bedtime

Also how old what are the sexes of the children as it might not even be appropriate to make them share a room or bed.

But she doesn't want to. He's signing her up for this on her weekends off. it's not the same as having his cousin that's 40 stay overnight

How many dogs do you have in a tiny house /apartment?
What breed are they?
Where will the dogs be if you are out all day?

Exactly this. Thank you. I don’t WANT to have them for 2 full days AND night, the mother doesn’t even like me, or talk to me, and frankly, I don’t have to.

I’m doing the day times for my husband, but I’m entitled to my own time in my own house of an evening. And most importantly to keep my dogs (and the children) safe and in a stress free environment. I would stay at a siblings house as someone else mentioned however unfortunately they also have 2 larger dogs that are unfriendly.

I don't think You are being U.

Its a good, and nice, idea you came up with re weekend days .. I would accept this if I was Grandma

Not insurmountable but honestly what a fucking faff. The OP says she lives in a very small apartment with hardly any room as it is. The kids or the dogs would inevitably end up being confined for prolonged periods in one place. That's ridiculously stressful for everyone.

I think you need to be talking to your DH in terms of wanting the children to be comfortable and safe, and putting the children first, rather than you not wanting them to stay.

Is this just one weekend or every weekend for a month?

Yep. Emphasise the safety angle with the dogs. Put it all on him. Don't make it about you. Give him some possible "what if" scenarios, then back off.

But they’re still taking them, just not sleeping over

I’m torn as if I wanted to help my sister and have my nephews stay over I would hate if dh said no which he never does and is so laid back. However he does his own thing and leaves me to everything. I get though being overwhelmed with people you’re not very close to in your house. I think he’s obviously trying to pitch in and give his mum a break which is nice and it is his house but yeah the fact the sister isn’t nice to you would make me not be a accommodating. Why don’t you make plans all weekend and let him do all the childcare?

You'd not be doing it for their mum, you'd be doing it to give their nan a break - for one single night.

Impossible to say without knowing their ages or your dog but in most circumstances I think I'd try to make it work for their Nan's sake.

If it is about him wanting to give his mum a break, then can he not go with them back to his mum's house and stay for the evening and do dinner and bed time, and even stay over if there is enough space?

Let your husband crack on with totally looking after his niece and nephew - including entertaining them, feeding them and sorting out where they sleep. You can then concentrate on looking after your dogs.

Bit confused why you call them your husbands niece and nephew, do you not see his family as your family? TBH it sounds like you don’t want them there and are using the dogs as an excuse. Surely you should have trained your dogs to behave around children. What happens if a small child in a park screams around your dogs?!
If your house has a room that stinks of dogs then they probably don’t want to stay with you anyway. Ask them what they want to do.
Also if any child is injured because of your dogs it would be your fault not the child’s or the dogs!

Haha your last sentence makes me laugh. Exactly my point it would be MY fault, which is why I’m being RESPONSIBLE in not putting either child or dog in that situation. Do u Understand? I can’t be any clearer that I’m trying to protect both dog, kid and my own sanity.

I don't see how this can work safely, OP. You are right to be cautious.

Just stick to taking them out for the day as you had planned. Can your DH go and stay at nan's with them all weekend? And then he can do any night 'parenting' that PPs have suggested may be required. And you can all stay safe.

Just because your SiL and BiL have work commitments doesn't mean you need to 'step up'. They're not your responsibility, you didn't commit to anything more than some day trips to (kindly) help out.

And fwiw, I agree that how their mum treats you directly impacts and is proportional to the effort you make to the situation. There's a saying about reaping what you sow, this is one such example

How old are the children?