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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Fathers Day weekend disasters

80 replies

BeWittyTurtle · 16/06/2025 10:13

I’ll try to keep it brief but it may still be a long one…

Other half was taking his kids (older teens) to a football tournament about an hour away yesterday, and going to see his parents on the way back. He said he wouldn’t be home until about 5pm.

He told me he’s never had a decent Father’s Day before so while I told him I’d use the way to write an assignment, I actually set about deep cleaning and decluttering the kitchen/diner and cooking a roast from scratch, complete with homemade apple sauce and gravy (not bragging, just telling you so it shows the time taken). He always knew about the roast and had picked what he wanted for it.

For context on the decluttering, it’s been like that since I moved in a year ago. On Saturday we went to a friends bbq at their beautiful home and on the way back he said he loves hosting and he’s missing that part of himself, he just can’t host with the house as it is.

while he was out, he text at 2pm saying they’re coming back early. I said no, you can’t… then there were several texts saying he’s dropping his kids back then, what’s going on etc. I said ‘it’s Father’s Day….just wait and see 😊’.

5pm he came in, I was making cheese sauce and he grumpily said ‘aren’t you going to give me a cuddle’. I explained I’m just in the middle of the sauce and will do in a second.

He then complained about the roast almost being ready and that because I said not to come back until 5 (the time he said he’d be back!) they got a McDonald’s and weren’t hungry.

when we eventually sat for dinner, he had a go at me for moving his things (done carefully so they weren’t out of any order). He had such a go we all ate in silence. He then said he can’t store things under the stairs because ‘it’s a mess’. I reminded him the storage isn’t a mess but we all have to put our coats on top because he has so many jackets hanging up.

I made myself scarce for the rest of the evening. When I went to bed he started on about it all again, said he must be imagining things or maybe I’m confused about things. He then started reading a book on how to win arguments- I kid you not.

for further context, on Friday he came back from a work day drunk, said he’s never shaken my hand before. I am a left handed so without thinking put my left forward. He said I am so entitled thinking the right handed who are on the majority should yield to me. I said it’s not like that, I’m just left handed, I did it without thinking. He said ‘I don’t need this shit,’ then walked off before shouting ‘I don’t need this shit!’ and slamming a door.

i can’t bring up Fridays events and Sundays with him as he will say they’re different events, not to be joined together and I was fine on Saturday. If I tell him how it’s all making me feel he’ll stop me and say to give specific examples as just saying how I feel isn’t helpful.

AIBU?

OP posts:
purplecorkheart · 16/06/2025 10:15

Why are you with this man?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/06/2025 10:22

There’s clearly no way of getting through to someone like this.

You need to get rid of him OP.

WhereIsMyLight · 16/06/2025 10:23

Yet another demonstration that the bar for men is in hell.

Just as an aside - do you have kids with him or does he just have his older teens from a different woman? If you don’t have kids with him, why the fuck are you doing anything for him on Father’s Day? His kids are old enough to do something for him and if he’s never had a good day, I’d suggest it’s that his kids don’t feel that he’s a great dad (backed up based on this thread).

Coconutter24 · 16/06/2025 10:26

So we can act an arse on a Friday and Sunday and no one can ask us about it because we behaved Saturday?

Of course you can ask him about both days! If he says they are separate events then you say but it was twice in one weekend

NoSoupForU · 16/06/2025 10:30

I think he sounds a twat.

But I wouldn't appreciate anyone just going through my things and unilaterally deciding what I should keep or throw away.

JudithOnHolidayAgain · 16/06/2025 10:31

Leave!!!

MissDoubleU · 16/06/2025 10:35

Leave him. This is not a good man.

CookieBlue · 16/06/2025 10:38

Gosh OP, he sounds awful. These angry, entitled arsehole men make me so mad.
There are many men out there who will treat you a million times better than that.

BeWittyTurtle · 16/06/2025 10:39

NoSoupForU · 16/06/2025 10:30

I think he sounds a twat.

But I wouldn't appreciate anyone just going through my things and unilaterally deciding what I should keep or throw away.

I didn’t throw anything away, I even categorised the piles into tools, hobbies, garden equipment etc so he could sort it more easily

OP posts:
NoSoupForU · 16/06/2025 10:41

BeWittyTurtle · 16/06/2025 10:39

I didn’t throw anything away, I even categorised the piles into tools, hobbies, garden equipment etc so he could sort it more easily

Then you haven't decluttered, you've moved things and created chores for him. I'm struggling to see why that's a treat, but appreciate we're all different.

SamDeanCas · 16/06/2025 10:42

Sounds like he’s deliberately trying to start arguments with him. My bet is if you’d have just carried on as normal you’d have been in the wrong too.

Endofyear · 16/06/2025 10:43

Move out 🙄 why are you putting up with this shit?

BeWittyTurtle · 16/06/2025 10:43

purplecorkheart · 16/06/2025 10:15

Why are you with this man?

Because sometimes he’s very lovely.

OP posts:
BeWittyTurtle · 16/06/2025 10:44

Endofyear · 16/06/2025 10:43

Move out 🙄 why are you putting up with this shit?

I am planning that as I type…

OP posts:
BeWittyTurtle · 16/06/2025 10:45

WhereIsMyLight · 16/06/2025 10:23

Yet another demonstration that the bar for men is in hell.

Just as an aside - do you have kids with him or does he just have his older teens from a different woman? If you don’t have kids with him, why the fuck are you doing anything for him on Father’s Day? His kids are old enough to do something for him and if he’s never had a good day, I’d suggest it’s that his kids don’t feel that he’s a great dad (backed up based on this thread).

His kids aren’t with me. He got really emotional about the beautiful card and thoughtful presents they handed over- which neither picked, paid for or even wrapped. They had nothing to do with any of it

OP posts:
BeWittyTurtle · 16/06/2025 10:46

CookieBlue · 16/06/2025 10:38

Gosh OP, he sounds awful. These angry, entitled arsehole men make me so mad.
There are many men out there who will treat you a million times better than that.

The confusing thing is that some of the time he is one of those men

OP posts:
Ohnobackagain · 16/06/2025 10:48

@BeWittyTurtle he’s an arse and you deserve better. Being single and living a peaceful life is still better!

cheddercherry · 16/06/2025 10:52

Somewhere out there is your person, a guy who doesn’t give you emotional whiplash, who gets your thoughtful de-cluttering gestures, is communicative and decent and doesn’t set tricks and traps in your relationship like landmines of his various moods for you to tread around. Who won’t stun a family into silence at the dinner table.

To be clear, you don’t currently live with this man.

BigDahliaFan · 16/06/2025 10:54

Of course he's lovely sometimes - but those times are only when you are doing things the way he wants. Just make plans to leave - it won't get better and you'll be able to do things the way you want in your life. .

CautiousLurker01 · 16/06/2025 10:55

WhereIsMyLight · 16/06/2025 10:23

Yet another demonstration that the bar for men is in hell.

Just as an aside - do you have kids with him or does he just have his older teens from a different woman? If you don’t have kids with him, why the fuck are you doing anything for him on Father’s Day? His kids are old enough to do something for him and if he’s never had a good day, I’d suggest it’s that his kids don’t feel that he’s a great dad (backed up based on this thread).

This - it’s father’s day, not grumpy DP day. He’d not your father…

LTB

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 16/06/2025 11:12

BeWittyTurtle · 16/06/2025 10:46

The confusing thing is that some of the time he is one of those men

No, he's not.

Those men aren't just like it some of the time. They're like it all of the time, because that's who they are.

GinnyandGeorgia · 16/06/2025 11:19

this sounds exhausting and I am sorry but you both sound hard work.

He's an arse, I cant' even understand the Friday argument.

You meant well, but it would be very annoying to be told not to come home yet because someone is preparing a roast. Plus frankly the effort of handmade sauce and gravy would be wasted if that causes so much faff.
It' s nice to have a roast, but doesn't justify being told to stay away!

For context on the decluttering, it’s been like that since I moved in a year ago

who's messy? is it you, him, or both?
A year to tidy up stuff is a bit long

So both possibly hard work and tiresome.

purplecorkheart · 16/06/2025 11:21

BeWittyTurtle · 16/06/2025 10:43

Because sometimes he’s very lovely.

When he is putting on an act!

BeWittyTurtle · 16/06/2025 11:22

GinnyandGeorgia · 16/06/2025 11:19

this sounds exhausting and I am sorry but you both sound hard work.

He's an arse, I cant' even understand the Friday argument.

You meant well, but it would be very annoying to be told not to come home yet because someone is preparing a roast. Plus frankly the effort of handmade sauce and gravy would be wasted if that causes so much faff.
It' s nice to have a roast, but doesn't justify being told to stay away!

For context on the decluttering, it’s been like that since I moved in a year ago

who's messy? is it you, him, or both?
A year to tidy up stuff is a bit long

So both possibly hard work and tiresome.

He knew about the roast so that wasn’t the surprise. He’s a big foodie and picked what he wanted. I also had to tell him in the end it was because of a surprise he couldn’t come home.

the decluttering was his mess from a year ago.

we both work from home and he’s back down ranting at me for being dramatic 🙄

OP posts:
Starlight1984 · 16/06/2025 11:23

BeWittyTurtle · 16/06/2025 10:46

The confusing thing is that some of the time he is one of those men

I think you are mistaking a good man with someone who acts decent some of the time.