No presents for kids party - welcome request?

[pourmeadrinkpls]

About to throw my first party for my 4yo and I don't want any presents. I feel my DC has enough and its just a waste of money. I would like a card for my DC though or maybe something small, but then I think that will confuse people. How do I word this? Will it make other parents feel grabby when its time for their DCs birthdays? I'm hoping it will be a welcome request but you never know with parents. AIBU to request no gifts? What would you think?

Just donate them if you are that bothered. I’d still buy one even if it said no gifts on the invite. My DC love choosing gifts for their friends.

I think this might be a bit rubbish for your 4yo. I get the idea but he will start going to other people’s parties who get presents and probably think, why didn’t I get any?

I would be tempted to add a note in the invite saying something like “presents not necessary but if you would like to gift something then we’d be grateful for a book or a book token, thank you!” Which would limit the tat coming into your house. I think it still sounds a bit holier than thou and I would do a bit of a mental eye roll if I received that invite for my child.

Or you could ask for money, “we’d be grateful for a very small contribution towards something he’s been saving for” but if anything that sounds more grabby

Hell yes, but I think unfair on your 4yo. It's all part of the party.

Do suggest no Xmas gifts or a secret santa when the time comes though.

I'd just not send a note, accept the gifts that are kindly sent, and then donate to a shelter/refuge or something later on.

Just put "presents not necessary" on the invite. Most people will probably bring one anyway as it feels wrong to go to a party empty handed, especially for a child.

If you put something like "cards only please" they will think you're angling for cash and it could be perceived as cheeky/rude.

Thanks for the replies, my DC will already be getting so many presents from family as well and already has so much stuff. Don't you think its a good idea to set them up from the start to not think its all about the presents, I see grown people here always complaining about gifts they get or that they don't get enough or someone hasn't spent enough. It's definitely interesting to see the replies on here.

I think I also feel inviting people seems grabby, they have started a new nursery so I thought this was a good way to meet friends and it feels wrong to get gifts. I'm not sure why I feel this way, I think because parties were always quite low key when I was growing up and now they seem very OTT.

When you’re 4 the presents are definitely part of it - there’s lots of time between now and adulthood to teach gratitude and perspective.

No. It’s part of the birthday experience. You are making this all about you and what you want and not about him.

I understand where you are coming from but I absolutely hate it when people do that - it’s is NOT a welcome relief. Because it still feels wrong to me to accept hospitality and come empty handed, and I don’t want my children to think it’s ok to do that. If I was going to an adult party, I’d always say “what can I bring?”, host will always say “nothing” and I’ll always show up with wine or flowers or chocolates or something. That’s basic good manners and what I want to teach my kids.

Totally sympathise with you not wanting lots of plastic tat though, so I agree with PP’s suggestion to say something like “presents not necessary but if you would like to gift something, DC would love a book that your DC has enjoyed”. If you then get 12 copies of the Gruffalo, just donate them.

OK thanks everyone, I'm glad I asked. I just feel uncomfortable about the whole thing. Parenting in this world is a new experience for sure!

Ok so another question I have, would it be ok to not open the gifts in front of everyone? That too I find weird especially as not everyone can afford to spend the same. The last party my friend went to, she said the child just ripped open all the gifts not even noticing what they received or who it was from.

@SummerInSun OK that makes sense in terms of not coming empty handed, thanks I appreciate that view. It wasn't so much plastic tat more the cost for people (and also I equally don't want to have to go overboard myself, I wanted to keep it simple).

Op unfortunately kids parties involve gifts. It's part of prep / life lessons for adulthood, it's rude to turn up at a party empty handed.

If you don't learn that at kids parties where do you learn it?

At parties here nobody opens the gifts until afterwards. I felt the same as you at the 4 year old stage and wrote presents not necessary - everybody but one person totally ignored this so I never tried again

Maybe keep the presents for other kids parties your child will no doubt be invited too next school year .

I will abide by whatever the party rules are on the invite. If you say ‘no presents’ then we wouldn’t bring anything. I don’t understand why someone would ignore the instructions provided. I’m autistic though.

I wouldn't include a note about presents but it's definitely OK to not open them until after the party, that's the norm I'd say.

I think most kids open them at home after the party, don't they?

Other than that, agree with PP who say birthday presents are all part of it for a 4 year old.

And deeply rooted in our culture, so many parents would feel uncomfortable to not give something.

Same here but I learnt very quickly that when people say “oh don’t bring anything!” They don’t usually actually mean that - just as the OP says, she would quite like her son to have some things to open (cards) - and then everyone else ignores the request and I’m the only one who has followed it and turned up empty handed and then feel like a twat. If you put “no presents” then people will still bring presents, sorry.

A four year old wants to take a gift to a party . Choosing ,wrapping and giving is really important for a child that young. Once they are older and cooler ,cash in a card will be fab .

When mine were that age we did “coin in a card” so if it was an all class party or even just boys or just girls, it was a home made card with €2 in it. Almost all parents stuck to this and then at the end there was enough to buy a present themselves with their loot!

@GCRyan See I love this idea.

I live in quite an affluent area and feel there is so much waste. Even in my baby group we all had so many toys and of course the babies do get bored of them too, so I suggested we could swap or borrow but no one ever took me up on the idea. That way you're basically getting new toys every few months as well as saving money and recycling.

I've always wondered if you could have a donation box. My DGS birthday is in February, so not needing any more presents. The whole class was invited so over 20 presents despite being told no presents. It was outrageous to see them all and not cheap either.
Could you do that ? And have the donations for Children charities. ?
Or would it not work ?

Yes I received an invitation to a 5th party this year asking for a cash gift. Not a fan at all.

OP I get where you’re coming from but it really is simpler all round to just say nothing.