No presents for kids party - welcome request?

[pourmeadrinkpls]

About to throw my first party for my 4yo and I don't want any presents. I feel my DC has enough and its just a waste of money. I would like a card for my DC though or maybe something small, but then I think that will confuse people. How do I word this? Will it make other parents feel grabby when its time for their DCs birthdays? I'm hoping it will be a welcome request but you never know with parents. AIBU to request no gifts? What would you think?

@MarxistMags This might seem weird given my stance but I wouldn't want to pressure people to donate to charity and weirdly if I'm going to buy a gift then I would be buying it for that person not for a charity. I do recall a friend asking for a childs gift that she would donate to a charity and I have had other people request a donation to their charity in lieu of a gift.

I did this for my dc once, for reasons to do with the location it was in. It was a mistake, my preschooler sent to so many parties where there were gifts and he missed the joy of having that himself.

Couldn't you just ask this of family and close friends instead? You said they'd get tons from family, maybe they'd be a bit more accepting of the idea. Definitely been here before, on occasion the DC have been at a point where we can ask family to put in for a big ticket item - eg bicycle, Nintendo switch, theatre ticket etc but that's not always possible.

I hear what you are saying, but you will probably only host a couple more whole class parties where this will be an issue so I'd just suck it up for now. You can always donate say... Half the gifts afterwards if it's just too overwhelming.

But ask family first, I think that's what I would do.

Don't open the gifts at the party, that's unusual in the UK and can be seen as rude (unless it is a family-only party). It can embarrass people who brought smaller gifts and children can sometimes inadvertently say things like 'i have this already' or 'i hate this colour'.

Have a gift table or spot where people can leave the gifts and take them home to open later. Then send a message to thank people for coming and for the gift.

I guess I feel it would be better if everyone did no gifts. A party is fun in itself, you get gifts anyway from your family and it all ends up being an exchange of gifts when it comes to the next party - not to mention then having party bags for the guests. It all seems so materialistic, but I do see that my view is in the minority. Thanks everyone your comments have all been much appreciated.

Donation to a charity of your choice

Your view isn’t the minority necessarily I don’t think - I actually agree with you - but you’re overthinking this. It’s a kids party. Let people turn up with presents. Let your kid open them. Intercept a few if you can, hide a few of the less favourites and donate to charity etc. Most people will not be putting themselves into hardship for a small gift for a 4yo, usually here the gifts are worth about £5. It’s not a big deal. Just let him enjoy it.

@LemonyPicket you're right I am over-thinking, since becoming a parent ALL I do is overthink!! Next I'll be worrying that no one will turn up!🙄

Did you read my comment @doglover4ever . It means a lot for young children to choose,wrap and give a gift.

I wouldn’t bother saying no presents, most would ignore it, as my DC loves picking out specific presents for their friends, as well as receiving them at their birthday party. I personally dislike arriving anywhere I’m expecting people to host me empty-handed. I was brought up that it’s rude to do so, and have passed that on to my DC.

Nobody opens presents while still in attendance at any of the children’s parties I’ve hosted or attended. You take the whole lot home, open them when you’ve recovered from the party, then send thank you notes for specific presents to individuals (my DC prefer to send video thank you’s though!).

OP, I completely agree with you, though I don't have great suggestions for unwinding this dynamic.

I've noticed kids with less money often don't take up invitations and some families spend extraordinary amounts of money, possibly because they were in a rush, or would feel judged if it were a small gift.

My kid received so much at their very modest party and will never play with those gifts properly. They end up in landfill after a few weeks on their bedroom floor.

I wish schools/PTAs could set some norms about these things, e.g. no more than £5 worth to be gifted. It's too hard for one family to step out of line and try to change things.

And there is so much waste - not just the plastic, but also the money, when there are so many better things that could be done with that money. And the gifts don't make the child happy, even if they expect them, and see their friends getting them.

I like the idea of asking for books. What about asking for arts and crafts materials? That way your child would still have something fun to open but you wouldn't be stuck with toys they will move on from in a few weeks. Things like colouring pencils and paints will have a lot of use in them.

I think that also gives people wiggle room with their budget- cheap pens and pencils/ paper/ paints aren't the kind of thing a four year old will tut over.