To not enjoy books/films where the sexuality is different to my own?

[EdgyCrow]

I have recently started a highly reccommend book. The main love story features two characters who have a different sexuality to myself. Some of the scenes are very graphic and I'm finding myself not enjoying it. I have to say, I am a little bit of a prude and don't generally like very explicit writing about any sexual encounter but I feel like I particularly don't want to continue when it is 2 people of different sexuality to myself. Is this wrong? Do you feel bothered about explicit content you can't relate to?

It doesn’t bother me, but equally I don’t think you’re unreasonable to have a preference about what you want to read. It’s just not your thing and that’s ok.

I know exactly what you mean! I think you can relate much more to what (at least one) of the characters is thinking/ feeling if the characters are the same orientation as you. Unfortunately, period drama's with two women are few and far between!

Surely fiction can be about more than just indulging your own personal sexual preferences, to whatever level of explicitness you're happy with? As an ancient female heterosexual Star Trek fan, I've been fascinated by the huge amounts of homosexual fan fiction written about Kirk and Spock (abbreviated to K/S) by (allegedly) many heterosexual women.)

"Many academics have suggested that K/S slash fiction is not about homosexuality or sex at all. Joanna Russ argued that the women who wrote K/S slash fiction were exploring a want for an idealized relationship where both partners were truly equal, unbound by gender norms. This kind of relationship was difficult to imagine in a heterosexual relationship, and thus K/S was born." en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kirk/Spock

Sounds like a worthwhile thought experiment to me.

Are you sure that it’s not just the book you don’t like, rather than any books about a sexuality you don’t share?

And is it Call Me By Your Name by any chance? It’s pretty intense and wouldn’t be everyone’s cup of tea.

If I don’t enjoy a book I just put it down

In my many years experience of writing slash and meeting other slashers I'd say that the ratio of het/lesbian writers for M/M is 50/50, ie. all women, with a very, very small scattering of gay men.
And yes, I think Russ's interpretation of the dynamic is correct on the whole.

As for OP's question about sexual content, if it's very well written I get dragged in, even if it's not my own preference, else I find it boring and skip the sex or just give up. For instance I read a novel years ago about someone with a sexual fetish about women's shoes; I am not remotely turned on by them myself but the author's writing was compelling.

yanbu. It’s not for you. Put the book down and choose differently next time.

Personally I don’t mind reading about people’s experiences who are very different from mine, but I don’t like reading sex scenes in general and I like them even less if the characters are a different sexuality to me

I read books for intellectual stimulation, not just for sexual pleasure so it doesn't bother me. You do you though.

I almost never read erotica. But I can read any novel regardless of sexuality. Or religion. Or politic. Part of my enjoyment of reading is being able to experience a worlds that which is not my own. To understand or get insight into an experience I’d never have. Works such as beloved, a colour purple, flowers for algernon, steppenwolf, pride and prejudice, 1984, a thousand splendid suns, catcher in the rye, a tale of two cities- on and on and on. I’m not black, never been a slave, nor Muslim nor really oppressed, never been gay or in true poverty- nevertheless I can enjoy all of those novels and feel grateful having read and experienced them.

I'm sorry op that you can’t enjoy or appreciate your opportunity and potential insight into other worlds and understanding. But yanbu. Each into their own.

Not just Star Trek — there are thousands of slash fandoms, yes, where male characters from literature, tv, film etc are put into sexual relationships with other male characters they’re not canonically involved with, mostly written by straight or gay women.

And not just fictional characters — there’s RPS (Real Person Slash) where the cast of Shetland/members of Coldplay/ Tory politicians in love.

Well, that's fascinating. Thanks for posting. Do you (or any reliable source) have any theories about the low proportion of gay male writers for M/M? Are they too busy having equal opportunities sex, or preferring to write Jane Austen-equivalent romances for the 23rd century?

PS I mostly read stuff on AO3. Can you recommend any other sites?

It's great, isn't it?

I also like the idea that as well as Mary Sue fanfics, there's a theory that some people IRL are Mary Sues too. I've seen Joan of Arc nominated AND Elon Musk!

I confess that I agree, OP, but I'm not sure either of us is being reasonable.

I think Sarah Waters is just about the finest contemporary writer we have - she is superb. I really warm to her as a person when I see her interviewed, or when she writes articles.

But I have to skip over the lesbian sex scenes in her novels because I find them hugely embarrassing. I feel very bad about this because I know that, for gay people, literature is almost entirely heterosexual and they must feel very un-catered for. Sarah has implied that she wants to redress this balance a bit, and fair play to her.

But you can't help your instinctive, sexual feelings and I don't like reading about lesbian sex. That's not a judgement on lesbians - it's a fault in me, but it makes me sympathise with gay people who have not been respresented in fiction very much until quite recently.

If you don't know Sarah Waters's books, you are in for a treat, despite my prudish embarrassment about some very small sections!

Actually in my defence I would say that I don't particularly relish reading sex scenes at all - heterosexual or otherwise.

One of the major benefits of reading is that you can give yourself experiences you would not have, and might not even want to have in real life.

This doesn't bother me at all. I like being transported to another place/time/person.

But, the thing with books is you don't have to read them and there's lots of them so put this one down and pick up another.

Not specifically about explicit content but I don’t tend to want to read books about those of a different sexuality to me (if that’s a key part of the book’s plot).
I’m old enough now to not be bothered examining why I don’t want to read certain books. I just don’t.

Doesn't bother me at all. I don't feel I need to see myself reflected in books, films or TV shows to enjoy or be engaged by them.
Now that I think about it, despite being a heterosexual woman the best book I've read this year and the best film I've watched this year both contain love stories (including some sex scenes) between two men.

If the book is well written I could empathise with any character. Imagining the inner world of someone entirely different from you is the whole point of reading novels.
Do you find yourself able to read books about characters of the opposite sex, with different religions, skin colours, nationalities?
Are you able to read books where the characters are cats or rabbits, wizards or aliens?
Do you think you are repressing something deeper?

If it helps I'm gay and skip right over the shagging bits in books.
Really dont care to know about Brian springing thrustily into action etc etc, so i dont think you should feel bad at all, its certainly not indicative of judgement i dont think.

I tend to read murder so im always faintly irritated when a sex scene turns up, put your clothes on and get back to sleuthing ty.

It doesn't bother me in the slightest but if it bothers you why are you reading it?

The sexual persuasions of characters wouldn't bother me, but really graphic content wouldn't particularly appeal to me.

If the book is well written I could empathise with any character. Imagining the inner world of someone entirely different from you is the whole point of reading novels.

I agree with this, but there's been a trend in recent years to suggest that imaginatively entering into the consciousness of someone of a different ethnicity or sexual orientation is not acceptable. I

Some people would argue that if you're not of a particular race or sexual orientation, you shouldn't write characters of those types. Some also believe that only gay actors should portray gay people.

I don't know how I feel about this. Life used to be so simple! While I can see why it might lead to accusations of arrogance etc on the part of an author, it would be a total cul-de-sac for novelists and dramatists if they were only allowed to write about people just like themselves. Where would it have left Charles Dickens? OK, Mr Micawber was based on his father and David Copperfield to some extent on himself, but his imagination, perception, observation and psychological insight also created a universe of amazing characters very unlike himself - and thank goodness for that!

Thanks Verv - that's good to know.

I used to feel very guilty about flcking through those pages but then I realised that I don't like accounts of ANYONE's sexual activities written in black and white so it's a general attitude.

Some authors - and on the whole, Sarah Waters is pretty subtle - do it with a very light touch - they just give the impression of the passion or the depth of feeling without too much prosaic anatomical detail. Any hint of thrusting and I'm out of there!! 😂

For goodness’ sake. People can read or not read any book they like for whatever reasons they like, which can be completely superficial and not a sign of “anything deeper” 🙄. That kind of nonsense is why despite being a voracious reader since I was about 7, I failed English Lit O level and have never joined a book club. How and why I enjoy the books I read has changed over the years and is completely personal to me.

Like pp, I immediately thought of Sarah Waters. I'm a straight woman and love her books but don't like the sex scenes when they get explicit.
I like reading about love, infatuation and attraction but don't need to know the mechanics of what they are doing.

But I don't think it's because the characters have a different sexual orientation to me. I'm not interested in explicit heterosexual sex scenes either.