Should DH see the GP for this?

ConfusedSloth · 2025-06-15T19:09:09+00:00

DH’s memory is seemingly getting worse. Not a sudden onset, over the past 5 years or so just deteriorated. He’s fit and healthy, in his 20s. Only potentially relevant medical history is that he’s managed to get himself a fair few concussions over the years playing rugby and also has dyspraxia (which probably contributed to the concussions tbh). Some examples below, both today: This morning, getting ready to go out, I take out outfits for the children. For DS(5), I get out two shirts so he can choose which one he prefers. DH comes in with DD and asks why DS has two shirts out. I explain that it’s so he can choose, he says ok. DS then comes in and asked why he has two shirts out, I explain that it’s so he can choose which he prefers. A minute later, DH asks me why DS has two shirts out - he has literally no memory of having already asked me that, or DS asking, and me having explained it twice in the last three minutes. We then get in the car to see my dad (about a two hour drive) and after about 15 minutes California Dreaming comes on the playlist. DH says that it’s crazy to him that the song is 60 years old. I say he’s absolutely incorrect, I cannot believe it, that is wild! So, I look it up and he is completely correct - came out in 1965!! We have a discussion about how generations before us wouldn’t have found that longevity in popular music, and proceed to guess what years subsequent songs on the playlist were from. We get to DDad’s and spend the day. Part of the day is DH discussing the same thing with DDad about how old the song was (including naming the song and its year of release) and about how DDad (almost 70) wouldn’t have listened to songs from the 20s/30s… Now, back in the car coming home and the playlist shuffled back to California Dreaming and he goes “now, I guess this song is probably from the 50s”. I looked at him weirdly for a good few minutes. He has no memory that this was the song that started the whole conversation and that he was the one who told me that it was from 1965! Should he see someone for this?

MumChp · 15/06/2025 20:10

Yes. He should see his GP.

londongirl12 · 15/06/2025 20:12

Yes, we all forget things sometimes (I forget whether I’ve asked something!!) but that scenario about the song is a big thing to forget.

JulietSierra · 15/06/2025 20:12

I’d definitely be concerned. My husband often ‘forgets’ things I’ve told him but I’m fairly sure it’s just that he doesn’t listen to me. But to not recall a whole conversation is definitely not right. Hope you can persuade him to see his gp.

MounjaroMounjaro · 15/06/2025 20:13

I had to re-read that to see he's in his twenties. That is worrying. Do you have any more examples? The issue with the shirts I could put down to him being distracted. The song is different because it's as though he hadn't heard the song for ages when he spoke about it the second time.

Calamitousness · 15/06/2025 20:16

Absolutely he should. Please make an appointment and go with him so you both have knowledge of what’s happening next and you will be able to describe the memory lapses more accurately than your dh.

Wowzel · 15/06/2025 20:18

He definitely needs to go to the doctor. Because of his age he will need a scan of his brain

Original poster

ConfusedSloth · 15/06/2025 20:28

In terms of further examples, a lot of them are things that could (cynically) be put down to strategic incompetence or not listening but there are more and more that I don’t think can be.

He tells me the same thing without realising he told me it five minutes earlier. Like, he’ll say “is it ok if I go to the pub with J tomorrow?” and I’ll say yes and we’ll talk about how J is or which pub or things - and then he’ll come back five minutes later and ask the same thing.

He can’t remember where he leaves things, forgets things like the kids’ dates of birth (very caring, engaged father), he retells stories completely incorrectly, he tells me facts or anecdotes that I told him earlier that day but can’t remember where he heard them… but it feels like it’s getting more acute.

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WinSomeandLoseSome · 15/06/2025 20:32

Does he seem worried about it? Is it just his memory or has he forgotten how to do any tasks. Simple things like how to work the dishwasher? Tbh I can tell my husband the same thing several times and he doesn't remember but I think half the time he isn't listening.

stichguru · 15/06/2025 20:32

Sorry to say this but DH needs to see his doctor ASAP. Both the examples you have given sound very like things I would do, and I have short-term memory problems stemming from brain damage at birth. They also sound like things my mum did early in her dementia journey. I would be VERY concerned at these things starting to happen out of the blue, especially in a young person.

YinYangalang · 15/06/2025 20:34

The concussions he has suffered and his ST memory issues is the precursor to him being examined throughly by a medical professional.

It could be nothing but he needs to be assessed.

Topjoe19 · 15/06/2025 20:36

Definitely go & get checked out & make sure you are with him to give the examples.

Temporaryname158 · 15/06/2025 20:39

I’d be very concerned about this and would insist on making a GP appointment for tomorrow. No hanging about

ARichtGoodDram · 15/06/2025 20:39

He definitely should be getting checked out.

Does he drive? I'd be questioning if he should be driving until he has been checked out.

Original poster

ConfusedSloth · 15/06/2025 20:41

WinSomeandLoseSome · 15/06/2025 20:32

Does he seem worried about it? Is it just his memory or has he forgotten how to do any tasks. Simple things like how to work the dishwasher? Tbh I can tell my husband the same thing several times and he doesn't remember but I think half the time he isn't listening.

He’s not worried, he’s not really a worrier about anything. He’s a bit of a doctor-avoider (mostly because he hates needles - he’s never had a blood test) but also because he’s always been fit and healthy.

He’s not incompetent. He doesn’t forget how to work the dishwasher (that I’ve noticed) but I know that if I ask him to get something when he’s in the shops then he’ll forget and if he’s taking DC to an appointment or getting them dressed on a non-uniform day, he’ll need reminding at the exact moment so he doesn’t forget. These things could strategic incompetence but he’s not lazy and doesn’t shy away from contributing.

There are also so many that don’t seem related to that. He’ll have a chat with my stepdad when I’m with my mum and then not be able to recall a single thing they spoke about. We’ll watch a show and then, the next episode’s “last time on X thing”, he’ll go “I don’t remember any of that” so we’ll rewatch the same episode (even where we discussed parts of it at the time, sometimes he’ll make the same comments the second time). He’ll put his work bag or DS’s book bag in the car the night before so he doesn’t forget it in the morning - then spent 15 minutes the next morning looking for it.

OP posts:

Original poster

ConfusedSloth · 15/06/2025 20:42

WinSomeandLoseSome · 15/06/2025 20:32

Does he seem worried about it? Is it just his memory or has he forgotten how to do any tasks. Simple things like how to work the dishwasher? Tbh I can tell my husband the same thing several times and he doesn't remember but I think half the time he isn't listening.

He’s not worried, he’s not really a worrier about anything. He’s a bit of a doctor-avoider (mostly because he hates needles - he’s never had a blood test) but also because he’s always been fit and healthy.

He’s not incompetent. He doesn’t forget how to work the dishwasher (that I’ve noticed) but I know that if I ask him to get something when he’s in the shops then he’ll forget and if he’s taking DC to an appointment or getting them dressed on a non-uniform day, he’ll need reminding at the exact moment so he doesn’t forget. These things could strategic incompetence but he’s not lazy and doesn’t shy away from contributing.

There are also so many that don’t seem related to that. He’ll have a chat with my stepdad when I’m with my mum and then not be able to recall a single thing they spoke about. We’ll watch a show and then, the next episode’s “last time on X thing”, he’ll go “I don’t remember any of that” so we’ll rewatch the same episode (even where we discussed parts of it at the time, sometimes he’ll make the same comments the second time). He’ll put his work bag or DS’s book bag in the car the night before so he doesn’t forget it in the morning - then spent 15 minutes the next morning looking for it.

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Ilovepastafortea · 15/06/2025 20:42

Yes, yes and yes.

I pray that it's nothing too serious. But you have your MN virtual friends here. 😘

socialdilemmawhattodo · 15/06/2025 20:47

Good idea to get that checked out and for you to be there. Could I recommend that you take a bit of time to think about other examples and put it in an email to your surgery. Mine are brilliant and don't mind that at all. Its a way of helping them and you keep track of these examples.

Ilovepastafortea · 15/06/2025 20:51

Ilovepastafortea · 15/06/2025 20:42

Yes, yes and yes.

I pray that it's nothing too serious. But you have your MN virtual friends here. 😘

Yup that is usually the case with men.

My DH was once so concussed at a rugby game that, after a couple of minutes in the changing room, he ran onto the wrong pitch & happily engaged with the game. The ref, noticing that the B team had suddenly acquired a 16th member, sent him off & I drove him to A&E.

Then there was the time when he appeared in the clubhouse with his shirt & club blazer hanging off one shoulder with his right shoulder looking very peculiar asking me if I could help him into his club clothes. I had to get someone to look after the children while I took him <strongly protesting as they'd won some kind of cup & he wanted to celebrate> to A&E. That time he'd broken his collar bone. He was very upset because he'd missed the celebrations. 🙄

Original poster

ConfusedSloth · 15/06/2025 20:53

Speaking with him now. Another example was speaking to his direct line manager at work and she suggested that a busy project get shared with “Tom”. And DH says “who’s Tom?”. Tom is DH’s direct counterpart that he works very closely with and speaks to daily. His supervisor also looked at him strangely when he asked “who’s Tom?”

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WinSomeandLoseSome · 15/06/2025 20:55

He must see the doctor. It could be nothing or something treatable. But early diagnosis is important.

Original poster

ConfusedSloth · 15/06/2025 20:57

Ilovepastafortea · 15/06/2025 20:51

Yup that is usually the case with men.

My DH was once so concussed at a rugby game that, after a couple of minutes in the changing room, he ran onto the wrong pitch & happily engaged with the game. The ref, noticing that the B team had suddenly acquired a 16th member, sent him off & I drove him to A&E.

Then there was the time when he appeared in the clubhouse with his shirt & club blazer hanging off one shoulder with his right shoulder looking very peculiar asking me if I could help him into his club clothes. I had to get someone to look after the children while I took him <strongly protesting as they'd won some kind of cup & he wanted to celebrate> to A&E. That time he'd broken his collar bone. He was very upset because he'd missed the celebrations. 🙄

Show quote history

Gosh - are you secretly married to my DH?!

None of his concussions are current but I recall one time he hit his head in a game and, when I picked him up he insisted he was fine, but I NEEDED to take him to Burger King (which he’s never said before or since). He then ran out of Burger King straight into the path of a car that had to slam on its brakes to avoid hitting him - so I took him to A&E

OP posts:

Original poster

ConfusedSloth · 15/06/2025 20:57

Ilovepastafortea · 15/06/2025 20:51

Yup that is usually the case with men.

My DH was once so concussed at a rugby game that, after a couple of minutes in the changing room, he ran onto the wrong pitch & happily engaged with the game. The ref, noticing that the B team had suddenly acquired a 16th member, sent him off & I drove him to A&E.

Then there was the time when he appeared in the clubhouse with his shirt & club blazer hanging off one shoulder with his right shoulder looking very peculiar asking me if I could help him into his club clothes. I had to get someone to look after the children while I took him <strongly protesting as they'd won some kind of cup & he wanted to celebrate> to A&E. That time he'd broken his collar bone. He was very upset because he'd missed the celebrations. 🙄

Show quote history

Gosh - are you secretly married to my DH?!

None of his concussions are current but I recall one time he hit his head in a game and, when I picked him up he insisted he was fine, but I NEEDED to take him to Burger King (which he’s never said before or since). He then ran out of Burger King straight into the path of a car that had to slam on its brakes to avoid hitting him - so I took him to A&E

OP posts:

Edenmum2 · 15/06/2025 20:59

Does he have zero recollection even after you’ve reminded him?

Ilovepastafortea · 15/06/2025 21:00

Hun.

You need to take this into your hands.

You need to call the doctor tomorrow. In my area it's an effort to get an face to face appointment with a doctor - it seems that you have to call before 08:30 when Jupiter is aligned with Mars & the moon is in the 7th height. But if you can get a phone appt with the doctor they will make an appointment for you as they have the magic power. I suggest that you write down all your concerns & go with him.

He may not like this, but you can frame if as only wanting to rule things out - it may be blood pressure or something simple & you could tell him that. But he needs to see the doctor.

Good luck

Your MN virtual friends are here for you. 😘

Clearinguptheclutter · 15/06/2025 21:01

Yeah I’d accompany to the gp

and if gp not taking it seriously see about a private referral.

(I’m much older and definitely forgetful, but this is not normal in one’s 20s)

Hope you get some answers