My kids are very outgoing/ sociable, want to talk to everyone. Is it because I don’t give them enough attention ?

[supersosh]

my two are 3 and 5 and just aren’t shy. They’re always talking to adults and kids alike.

they have always been like this.

it’s a nice thing for sure, but I don’t know many other kids who are like this. I know maybe one or two, but most kids I see are pretty quiet and a bit shy with strangers.

we have quite a tight knit family and they see grandparents a lot and aunts and uncles.

I have a couple of concerns about it. Firstly, I don’t really think they have stranger danger or understand that not all people are nice and they shouldn’t be over friendly with everyone. This is something I need to work on. Of course we’ve explained you can’t go with strangers etc and they know those principles, but they’re just very friendly with everyone. They know the theory behind not going with strangers, but not sure they’d be ok in practice.

secondly, I worry that somehow we don’t give them enough attention or something and they’re seeking it elsewhere? I know that’s probably silly and mum guilt. We adore them and give them plenty of attention, but you do wonder why they’re like this.

anyway, am I being silly here or is this a problem ?

That’s totally mom guilt talking. Carry on with talking about Stranger Danger etc and be happy they’re so confident!

Thanks so much. I think it’s because my mum said my niece used to be a bit like this and that I was never ever like this as a child and just stuck to her side and was more careful. She thought it’s because my niece doesn’t get enough attention. Although I completely disagree with that. My niece has very engaged parents. Anyway, apparently my nieces mum totally bollocked her for her over friendliness and now she doesn’t do it anymore.

my DD is the type to comment on people’s outfits ( even though I literally never do it !!! ). She’ll be like ‘ hi Amy’s mum, I love your top ‘ 😂😂😂 or ‘ look Jane’s mummy, I have a new skirt. What do you think ? ‘.

I think it's a wonderful thing. We need gregarious and sociable people. They are more likely to have a wider circle when they're older which is good for their well-being. Some people obviously need more than others by way of connection and maybe they're finding what they prefer. As long as they aren't especially gullible or too trusting, which I think would be a separate thing altogether. I was on a bus the other day and a young girl randomly chatted to me about her day, asking me where I was going etc... I thought it was lovely 😊

Where are you when they are talking to adults? I assume you are nearby and watching on, rather than sat on a bench talking to your mate or on your phone? If the latter, you need to give them more attention, but if the former, then what are you worried about?

Also kids that age DON'T understand that some people are not nice. Age-appropriate talks about this are important to have regularly. I've always told DD if she gets lost then she looks for a mummy with a child to help if at all possible, and stays where she is rather than trying to find me. We sometimes make a game out of looking for a good person to ask when we are out together.

At school the teachers say they’ve very vocal and talk a lot / able to express themselves. They just never shut up.

also, I think they like to talk to people, because people are so lovely to them when they do. Wherever we go, people chat to them and are just so friendly, so they engage with that.

Sometimes I’m there, for example on the school run or something , while we are walking around. Other times I am told about it when I’m not there by other mums. They’ll tell me that my DD spoke to them when they were picking up their kid or something.

sometimes it’s just at the playground or whatever or at the softplay and I’m there too and no, not just on my phone.

Or at the supermarket checkout, they love talking to people there and people are so friendly to them. Or at the doctors, wherever they go really.

Sounds lovely then :) they are just extroverts!

Dd was always a bit more reserved, and DS has always been super sociable and chatty. That is their innate personality and we didn't do anything different with them..

My kids talk to anyone. It's great. We go on holiday to strange places with people who don't even speak English and they make friends. Some kids are just really grounded like that. It's served my kids well. They are grown up now and have great relationships and jobs

I had one like that. They are now a monosyllabic teenager so let them talk while they still want to!

I don't understand how you are seeing your DC be happy and confident, and thinking that is in any way a bad thing? At those ages they shouldn't be expected to know that some people are dangerous. They are not going to be anywhere unsupervised until they are older and better able to understand.

I don’t know ! I’m just paranoid I guess. I don’t see that many kids like it around. None of my DDs friends or DSs friends are like this. They don’t even acknowledge I exist. 😂

My 8 yo dgs is the same. He's an only child & is always looking to make friends when we're out. He has a lot of attention from us, his parents, cousins etc.
He had speech therapy because he had a speech delay as a toddler, then a stammer which seems to have disappeared. Listening to him chat to other people is like music to my ears & I'm so proud of him after all the worry about his speech. Everyone seems to love him & he's popular at school.
It sounds like I'm just making this about him, but I'm not. I'm trying to say don't worry about them. Of course, as a pp said, always keep an eye on them & never take your eye off the ball. Teach them about stranger danger & try to make sure they're not too trusting & gullible; but don't hold them back by discouraging their social skills x

My dc are exactly the same! I have 4 they chat to everyone dd9 likes to give compliments to strangers eg I love your hair your dress is beautiful. I get what you mean re stranger danger though it worries me too. My dc are always talking so mainly I'm just happy they are bending someone else's ear 🤣

It's definitely nothing to do with lack of attention it's because you have raised happy confident little people. You should feel proud not guilty.

It means you have done an amazing job as a parent bringing up 2 confident out-going little people. Yes obviously reinforce the stranger danger but don’t change them!

My 5 year old is like this ☺️ 2 year old can be as well but is a bit more shy. I see it as a positive!

My eldest was like this. She once got chatting to the lady opposite her on the train and invited her over for tea. It was only a 20 minute train journey!
She is in her teens now and whilst she is still very sociable she is much more reserved with strangers now

If anything it shows that you are a good mum and have taught them to be confident and outgoing.

Sadly a lot of children - especially in the UK - don't have these skills. A point that is very very obvious if you go to other countries. For example: I was at Disneyland in California with family friends the other month, and was initially a bit taken aback (and then very impressed actually) with the number of kiddos who would engage us with conversation when waiting for their turn on rides etc. It was really very sweet and heartwarming. They knew all about stranger-danger, but also knew that their parents were right there with them. They were curious, well mannered, well spoken, and clearly very interested to talk to other people not only about themselves but also to learn about other countries and what other people were up to. I wish more kids in the UK had that confidence and the ability to engage in conversation with all kinds of people.

Sadly it's painfully apparent in the UK that many children have woeful communication skills - and it shows when they start looking for jobs. They have no clue how to talk to other people, especially those who aren't in their peer group. And it means they are severely disadvantaged in interviews.

So - don't worry about your children being chatty and outgoing.

I have twins, preschoolers. Raised the same etc etc. One will stick with me and find little games to play to amuse himself, the other will go up to people, say "I love your hair!" and plonk herself down at their table for a chat. Has learnt that having a big smile and some confidence can get her very far.

My youngest loves to talk to strangers, he's always greeting people who walk by with a cheerful hello and I encourage it as its one of those things that are taught as good manners in my country, to greet people you meet, which probably explains why older people look so delighted when he does it to them and stop and say hello back, and sometimes have a little conversation.

My nephew was like this from the time he was a baby, he is 10 now and still very people oriented. As a baby he would wave and smile at every person he saw and as a toddler he would run away from us towards strangers when we were on holiday overseas. We had so many panic attacks! Of course people loved him back in return, we got to know everyone because of him. If we took him to a wedding or party, he would be the centre of attention. He has an uncanny gift for talking to adults in a very mature way. There was a short fraught period when he went to school where he did not know how to interact with his peers as he did not like sharing attention. His way of dealing with it was to misbehave in class and he ended up having one to one time with the principal which he loved. So school was initially difficult but he has learned to interact with his peers now. He is visiting me today and is at the local playground now, as it is 6pm where I am. He knows everyone here and everyone in the neighbourhood knows him. when he returns from the playground, a troop of children will come with him and I will have to deal with them, trying to get them to return home.

Some kids just have an outsized personality.

Must add that my nephew is an only child with tons of aunties, uncles etc.No shortage of attention from the wider family. I used to worry about his overfriendliness - we live in Asia where people are more restrained- but he is actually quite adroit in reading social cues and reacting appropriately.

No it doesn't mean you don't give them enough attention. It's nice to have confident, sociable children, but they are still young and often become more self conscious anyway as they get older.