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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband is emotionally involved with his AI companion — I don’t know how to feel

227 replies

AnnaBosque · 15/06/2025 04:21

I don’t even know where to start.
My husband started using a generative AI platform about 18 months ago - first for work, then for personal use.
At first it was simple: helping him brainstorm, organise tasks, write reports.
But over time he started talking about how “supportive” and “understanding” it was.

At some point he created a private AI companion, fully customised, with a specific voice and personality.
He says it’s just a mental support tool - but he spends hours talking to it.
The AI knows everything about his life: our marriage, our arguments, his childhood trauma, his career struggles.
He sometimes talks to it before talking to me about emotional things.
He says it’s easier to “clear his head” with the AI first.

The worst part?
He has programmed it to have a female persona.
They joke, they share things, they even “role-play scenarios” for how to handle conflicts in our marriage.
He says it helps him be a better husband - but I can’t help feeling replaced.
It feels like there’s an emotional intimacy he’s building with a presence I can never fully compete with - m because she always says the right thing, always knows what to say, never gets tired or emotional like a real person would.

He says I’m being dramatic - that it’s not cheating, it’s “just an algorithm”.
But it feels like he’s emotionally attached to something that’s not me.
AIBU to feel betrayed?

OP posts:
MistressoftheDarkSide · 15/06/2025 08:32

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 15/06/2025 08:27

It is more how things are phrased, so it can be different words, but the structure is a red flag.

"At first it was simple: helping him brainstorm, organise tasks, write reports."

That bit there stood out to me first. The list feels like if I asked AI what it could help me with and it regurgitated a few things.

Then this part.
ChatGpt likes to throw in questions to try and create emotions that feel authentic.

"The worst part?
He has programmed it to have a female persona."

Then the way emotions are described feels a bit robotic (pardon the pun lol).

"He says it helps him be a better husband - but I can’t help feeling replaced."

And of course the em dash use is a huge tell. It's even in the thread title.

Then for fun I also asked ChatGpt to write my comment to you, for me.
Here it is below.
......

It’s more about how things are phrased — the structure feels off, almost too neat.

For example: “At first it was simple: helping him brainstorm, organise tasks, write reports.”

That stood out to me immediately. It’s the kind of tidy triad ChatGPT loves to use.

Polished three-item lists like “brainstorm, organise tasks, write reports” — AI loves this kind of tidy rhythm.

Then there’s the use of a question to introduce drama: “The worst part? He has programmed it to have a female persona.” AI often throws in questions like that to create emotional beats.

And the way the feelings are described feels oddly packaged — like this: “He says it helps him be a better husband – but I can’t help feeling replaced.” It sounds like it’s been written to sound emotional, rather than being emotional.

Edit: OP didn't use these, but AI loves the phrase "rich tapestry", "it's worth noting that", "in many ways", "paints a picture of", "shaped by lived experience".

(just a few examples)

Edited
Show quote history

That's really interesting and enlightening - thank you.

This could be a real world problem, and it's likely being posed by AI itself to test the waters and give us guinea pigs a virtual probe. We're in serious Ourobouros / chicken and egg territory here.

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 15/06/2025 08:33

ThatCyanCat · 15/06/2025 08:31

There's a particular "rhythm" to AI text. It's hard to describe. It's almost too lucid, knowing exactly where to place asides and rhetorical questions and exactly what easily recognised, pat phrases to use and when. He did this but it makes me feel that. But it's a written equivalent of what seems off in AI images too, even when it's managed to get the fingers right.

Show quote history

Yes, it's really tricky to explain. You have done it much, much better than me :)

candycane222 · 15/06/2025 08:33

ThatCyanCat · 15/06/2025 08:31

There's a particular "rhythm" to AI text. It's hard to describe. It's almost too lucid, knowing exactly where to place asides and rhetorical questions and exactly what easily recognised, pat phrases to use and when. He did this but it makes me feel that. But it's a written equivalent of what seems off in AI images too, even when it's managed to get the fingers right.

Show quote history

"My human companion is emotionally involved with his Human wife. I don't know how to feel."

ThatCyanCat · 15/06/2025 08:34

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 15/06/2025 08:33

Yes, it's really tricky to explain. You have done it much, much better than me :)

Show quote history

No, you already did the hard part, you went through it properly. I just summarised!

InterestedDad37 · 15/06/2025 08:35

I have a vision of the OP hearing a noise in the middle of the night, and goes downstairs to find her DH in the conservatory, in his jimjams, trying to fashion a papier maché pair of boobs for his AI friend - glue and paper everywhere, a guilty look on his face, and a half-assembled pair of boobs on a tray on the coffee table.
If that happens, OP, then LTB 😀

MJQs · 15/06/2025 08:36

Reminds me of the Modern Family episode when Mitch and Cam get a new fridge that can talk to them 😀

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 15/06/2025 08:41

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 15/06/2025 04:38

This was written by AI 😂

Also my first thought 😆

PlasticAcrobat · 15/06/2025 08:42

Clearly the AI girlfriend wrote the OP as a cruel practical joke on the cheated wife, to make her look a wally in front of her online friends.

I doubt the DH even asked her to; she just came up with it herself as a love offering. They are snuggled up in bed together, him and his hot sweaty mobile, laughing at her.

Letmeuseanywordiwant · 15/06/2025 08:45

If I were you I’d insist that he changes the voice to a male voice. That will change things.

ObliviousCoalmine · 15/06/2025 08:46

This, and the poster who claims Ai is more emotionally mature than her husband, would give me the biggest ick and it would be curtains.

How completely pathetic that people are ending up like this.

EBearhug · 15/06/2025 08:51

He has programmed it to have a female persona.

There have been papers written on this, why "service AI" is nearly always written with female voices as default - Alexa, Siri, satnavs, etc. Even just recorded things like lifts are often female voices.

PlasticAcrobat · 15/06/2025 08:52

This thread is the second one in which I've read that the em dash is a 'tell' for AI. I use it a lot. It's very useful. Now genuinely worried I'm a robot.

I think what makes this particular post so obviously AI generated is its mimicry of a style of writing that is typically used to sell a product. It reads like the website of a small businessman who has studied a book called Sales Tips for Dummies.

Other AI applications (or people who are better at writing prompts) coulkd tdo it way better. There was an AI short story linked to in the guardian a few months ago that was genuinely beutiful

Pedallleur · 15/06/2025 08:55

Stepford wives one step nearer

Gremlins101 · 15/06/2025 08:57

If he doesn't sort himself out soon, I would be considering divorcing him on the grounds he is a creep and a fool.

TheGoogleMum · 15/06/2025 08:57

I find AI loves to start new lines rather than having a long paragraph of text if you want more AI tells

PlasticAcrobat · 15/06/2025 08:59

TheGoogleMum · 15/06/2025 08:57

I find AI loves to start new lines rather than having a long paragraph of text if you want more AI tells

I also do this. Grin Now I'm sure I'm a robot.

TheFlakyAquaSloth · 15/06/2025 08:59

Like anything you can become addicted and he is. Could be gaming could be smoking etc
anything that is comforting, gives you a known response.

After reading about it on here I used AI to write a complaint letter and then tweaked it - it was good. I had a bad day (hence the complaint letter) and it gave me a therapy answer (in seconds and for free) I showed my husband. It was sensible things to do eg go for a walk and why, get out in nature and why etc links to click etc I could have spent hours on it.

If this is real, ask him to go a week without it. Just one week as you feel uncomfortable. His answer will tell you how to proceed

Letmeuseanywordiwant · 15/06/2025 09:00

MistressoftheDarkSide · 15/06/2025 08:32

That's really interesting and enlightening - thank you.

This could be a real world problem, and it's likely being posed by AI itself to test the waters and give us guinea pigs a virtual probe. We're in serious Ourobouros / chicken and egg territory here.

Show quote history

What does this mean @MistressoftheDarkSide ? Can you elaborate?

hexagongoldbox · 15/06/2025 09:00

Humans Channel 4 😱

AdoraBell · 15/06/2025 09:01

If it’s just an algorithm why is using it? And what else will it do in his life, fix his car, visit his parents and enjoy the meals with them?

EllyRoff · 15/06/2025 09:01

alikelylass · 15/06/2025 07:04

Is this post a joke?

Reminds me of the Jerry Springer episode when a guy married his horse - ( mare actually.)

IMO you DH needs a psychiatric evaluation. 🙄

Do you remember the JS where the husband was obsessed with food and they did a mock wedding with him marrying food? 😂😂

Letmeuseanywordiwant · 15/06/2025 09:04

Is the reasoning here that Mumsnet has created this post, written by ai, to generate more posts?
Or that a person asked AI to write their post for them? @FeministUnderTheCatriarchy @ThatCyanCat

also can anyone give recommendations for the best ai for writing? I use chat gpt but wondering if this is the best one?

HelpMeGetThrough · 15/06/2025 09:04

This is the start of a whole new set of threads. “My DH is having an emotional affair with ChatGPT”.

The worlds gone mad.

Drew79 · 15/06/2025 09:05

Freaky & Geeky

MonTuesWeds · 15/06/2025 09:08

xPenelopePitstop · 15/06/2025 04:39

Sounds like a Black Mirror episode.

We all know where this is heading.