Neighbour dispute

[Namechangeforthis99]

As the thread title says really, I’ve name changed for this as well as outing.

So I’m currently in a full leg cast, thigh to toe type situation. I’ve been in casts for a few months and likely will stay in for another few months then boot and rehab etc.

I’m a single mum, hundred's of miles from family with limited help friend wise here.

Anyway the current problem is since I smashed my leg into what feels like a thousand smithereens, my front garden has become a bit weedy through the flags. It doesn’t look great a little shabby. My landlord has agreed to pop round and weed kill it/de-weed. But hasn’t given me a date just that he’s going to try and get round asap. He does kind of work on his own time.

My elderly neighbour is being quite unpleasant to me regarding this, every time I leave the house which as you can imagine takes an eternity. I can’t just scarper. He accosts me, telling me my garden is an eyesore and it is stopping him from selling his house. I agree that the garden doesn’t look great and reassure him the landlord is coming soon. As I just can’t manage it right now. To this he usually respond with some form of ‘can’t you sit on the floor’ or ‘surely you can pay someone with the money you’ve got’ to which I respond truthfully I don’t have any money right now I’m skint.

Background is his house has been for sale for four years, and didn’t sell when my garden looked perfect. Because it’s a smokers house and in dire need of around 20k worth of repairs. Needs a whole new roof and guttering, new kitchen and bathroom, damp course and repair to internal walls, all new floors etc. Feedback from viewers is that the house isn’t worth the price and is too much work to take on if they run the risk of not being able to rid it of the smoke smell.

His accosting of me have now, as of today spread to my children. He’s calling out to them ‘tell your lazy mother to sort her eyesore of a garden’ then loudly calls them ‘bunch of racist word’ they’re mixed race Chinese and Caucasian.

How should I handle this whilst keeping some dignity? I kind of want to be petty and leave the garden to grow wild. But also think I should just ignore to not further the issue.

I think if he was calling my kids rascist slurs, I would report him to the police.

Tell him if he harasses you further about the garden you will report him to the council for the harassment and racist comments for anti social behaviour and he will then have to formally declare a neighbour dispute that will put buyers off more than a neighbours garden. Also tell him he can see you are incapacitated, you don't have the money but are happy for him to instruct and pay for a gardener if he wants to provided you approve any work to be done. If you don't feel able to say this then put it in a letter and keep a copy.

I would report the racist remarks to police and he is harassing you. What a nasty man.

Report him for racism towards children and harassment.

Tell him if it bothers him that much he is welcome to come and sort it out himself.

Personally, if he’d insulted my DC like that, I’d tell him to fuck off and that he’d better hope he’d sold his house and moved far away by the time I was fully mended. 😡

actually, that’s too long to wait, I’d report him for racial abuse to the police instead.
Sorry you have to live next door to that op. Wishing you a speedy recovery

Give him a whack with your crutch..
Only half joking....

Good luck to him selling his house when he has to declare a neighbourly dispute because you reported him to the police for racism

Eh… I’m not sure why you don’t want to be petty.

Next time he has a go just clap back with this

“Sure Mr Smith. You’re welcome to come over and weed any time you’d like. Otherwise you need to wait until my LL sorts it. As to this being the reason why your house won’t sell did the perspective buyers know 4 years ago that my weeds would grow? No I didn’t think so. Have a good rest of your day and if you talk to my kids again I’ll report you to the police for harassment which you will then have to disclose a neighbor dispute to your perspective buyers which will make your house harder to sell”

Best said somewhat loud in one run on sentence with no breaks as you are coming or going.

ETA: oops sorry didn’t mean to quote your OP.

I'm sorry to hear about your leg.

Is it in your rental agreement that YOU are responsible for the garden upkeep? If so, then surely its YOU that should be paying for someone to de-weed it? Why is your landlord involved at all in that? If he/she is contracted to maintain it, I'd be asking for a date.

I'd start a diary of incidences with the neighbour- date, time, what was said etc. I'd also start having my phone on record whenever in the front garden to start recording his racist behaviour and report to police.

"If you're that bothered then feel free to do it yourself you racist twat".

Oh and report him for harassment.

Might be an idea to point this possibility out to him OP.

Leave your garden, it’s good for the insects.

My front garden is a mess, but also full of bees - it will stay that way until the end of summer, when it will be mowed.

Ignore the neighbour

If he's shouting racial abuse at your children and harassing you, I'd report him to the police!

It is my responsibility correct, but landlord is a good egg who knows we fled abuse when we moved here. Three disabled kids means I work part time only and mostly stay very skint lol. I was worrying about it during an inspection (it’s managed by an agency) and they must’ve relayed it back to him. Landlord got in contact to say whilst I’m on my arse financially and literally lol. He’ll pop round and help out to keep the front decent. Normally I do the gardening as I enjoy it and keep the house very neat and tidy.

Good shout on having the phone on record when I leave.

Thanks all for the responses and advise, I was worried I’d get a flaming for having a shabby front garden lol!

Irony is neighbour himself is in a wheelchair and has limited mobility like I currently do. So I’m surprised by his lack of understanding.

He’s had a flurry of viewing recently and I’m thinking none have made an offer so he’s feeling worried and angry about this. As I’m aware he’s desperately wanting to sell up and buy a bungalow due to him being wheelchair bound. I sympathise with this and often would take him Christmas dinner or Sunday dinners round. And checked in on him often, I’ve been a nice neighbour to him so I’ve found his recent behaviour quite upsetting.

I’ve chosen to take your advice and have reported the racial abuse online to the police. Don’t particularly care if he name calls me but I’d rather him not get comfortable being racist and disgusting to my children. I do need to handle it robustly and legally. And I will do, thanks for the confidence boost I need!

I'd probably send neighbour a letter, state that you're aware of the garden, the landlord is aware and dealing with it and any further contact from him to you or your kids on the matter will be regarded as harrassment.

Then report the racial abuse to the police anyway.

Harrassment is harder to prove and you do need to have made it crystal clear you don't wish to be contacted by him about this again, and that needs to be reasonable - which it is, as you've got your landlord who has agreed to fix the garden.

Definitely involve the police if he's making racist comments towards you/your DC.

House sale..
Do you know for sure from a good source what the feed back is regarding why it's not selling?

Has he himself been told the reasons, if so I'd mention that instead of keep harping on at you his time would be better spent sorting his own property out, then point out what you said re not selling when your own was neat and tidy.

I'd also be asking a few friends to be booking viewings and let him have the full extent of what they think of it to his face, if the smell of smoke is to much a friend could always turn up and walk straight out again explaining why.

Sounds like he’s using you as a scapegoat for his house not selling too.

Police. Straight away. Right now. How fucking DARE he racially abuse your children?! and in their own home. What a disgusting man.

Yeah, the racism would be game over for me. He'd have got both barrels and I wouldn't be lifting a finger to do anything to help him sell his house. Scumbag.

Thanks all for the responses and advise, I was worried I’d get a flaming for having a shabby front garden lol!

I'm definitely not judging your garden but I am judging (just a little bit) for not immediately leaping to defend your children from being racially abused by the neighbour.
I can only assume that someone, somewhere, has done quite a job on your self-esteem to make you think that this man's behaviour is in any way your fault and that you and your kids could possibly deserve this sort of treatment because of a few weeds.

Very good source yes, he’s pally with the husband of our neighbour directly opposite. I’m more friends with the wife, who told me that neighbour had mentioned estate agent feedback was that the house is very smelly, buyers don’t want to take on such a big job when the house is still priced quite high, work to do on it is overwhelming and won’t make them a profit, house is damp and in poor state of repair etc etc.

I’m paraphrasing but that’s the general gist, he’s lived there 50 odd years apparently and smoked 20+ a day the entire time. I’ve been inside and it makes your eyes water, he also keeps lots of cats who wee on the floor and it’s soaked in and smells very strong. I have asthma and it set my chest off.

Yes their dad did. We fled abuse and moved here, I’m in therapy and doing much better. But unfortunately I still sometimes freeze response or fawn when confronted or faced with aggression. I am working on it, I just hurried them along into the taxi and when I turned to face him he’d slammed his front door shut. It all happened so fast.

So what if he's in a wheelchair? I don't care if he's bedbound, quadriplegic, deafblind, on life-support and suffering from a rare strain of covid, brought on the the bubonic plague. None of this gives him the right to racially abuse children.

I'm sorry to hear that OP. Don't let another man convince you you are worthless or wrong or deserve poor treatment. You're not. He is 100% the prick.