What would you do with the £1000?

[CosyDenimShark]

1st time posting & would appreciate some views on this as I might be being unreasonable in my head.

Parent 1 earns 3 times what Parent 2 does and works full time.
Parent 2 works part time.
1 adult child, 1 teenager in the household.

Holiday booked for all 4. Parents paying for their own cost of the holiday plus 50% each of the teenagers holiday.
Adult child paying for their own (full time worker).

Parent 1 was gifted £1000 recently.

Would you expect parent 1 to take the £1000 off the holiday total, making the share to pay less for everyone, or, take £1000 off their own share as it was primarily a gift to them.

The giver of the gift only stated it was to be used for something nice, not bills & to use it for a holiday.

Well I choose to work part time. My husband is happy to ‘subsidise’ it. It means he does sweet FA at home. I do most of the shopping, laundry, cooking, cleaning, life admin, gardening, childcare. I think he gets a pretty good deal really so no need to imply that someone working part time is freeloading off their partner.

See above ^^
The household stuff doesn’t magically disappear when your kids hit 16.

The question is how finances are split in general. No point in looking at one item.

This

Why does it have to be spent right now?
If parent 1 was gifted £1000 for them specifically, surely it's theirs to spend as they want, when they want?
You don't have a duty to subsidise adult children either, Especially if they HONOR 9X and living at home. It's hard to do that, as in our heads they are still our babies but at some point you have to let go. It teaches adult children a valuable lesson.

Take this from someone older and wiser.
Joint accounts are a good idea for bills but for everything else get your own. What's yours is mine attitude works if you're both on the same page. However I know if somebody gifted me (specifically) £1,000 - I'd be pretty peeved if I had to share it with 3 other ’earning’ adults!

...Before anyone thinks I'm a meany, nope, I have a lifetime behind me of givgive, give, give, give - to people that take, take, take, take. Changing my mindset now.

Please tell me that you at least put it in a savings account. I can't fathom just holding on to £1000. I don't mean you need to spend it on anyone else, but isn't there a treat you would like for yourself?

Why should the adult child get the discount?

Well said. I don't have to justify why I work park time its worked for us for years

DH & me have been married for over 40 years.

He had his own business & worked very long hours. We had 3 DCs within the first 5 years of marriage & I reduced my hours to P/T after DS1 was born. After all the children were in secondary school I increased my hours to F/T as they were all at the same school & able to get themselves to/from school & I was around to take/collect from after school activities.

DH & me have always had a joint account for household expenses (when we had DCs at home this included the cost of their clothes, activities, pocket money etc) which we review about 4 times a year as the cost of living increases. We've always had our own personal current & savings accounts.

When we had DCs at home we would split the cost for our holidays 50/50 between us both & each pay 50% of DC's costs - though, as I remember DH used to pay all of DC's & pay for meals, bar bill etc when I was working P/T as he was earning vastly more than me.

Both DSs went into the Royal Navy on leaving school so, as they were travelling the world from the age of 16/17, never came on holiday with us again preferring to spend their leave enjoying the comforts of home.

DD went to University so came on holiday with us until after she'd graduated. DH & me would split the cost of her holiday 50/50, but she was expected to find her own spending money (she worked in DH's business during holidays & weekends when she was home so that wasn't a problem for her).

DH & me have always managed to find the time for the odd short break (talking a couple of nights in DH's business 'off season' eg: winter) when PIL or my parents would look after the DCs. We would 'treat' each other to these breaks. By which I mean, if I'd arranged the break I would pay from my own money (though when I worked P/T DH would pay for the meals out, petrol, the bar bill etc), if DH had arranged it, he would pay.

These days we still pay 50/50 for main holidays & still treat each other to mini breaks. For example: we're going away for 3 nights at the end of March, I'm paying, again for 2 nights in July (obviously July will be more expensive than March) DH is paying. We're going away for a week in May - 50/50, 2 weeks in November 50/50.

It works well as DH will say 'no, you paid for the break in x place, it's my turn to pay' & I will do the same.

Not sure how old you are but I presume our backgrounds/experiences are different.

My DH parents and my parents all had a joint accounts (ISAs obviously separate) - one mother was SAHM so had no income and the other mother was the higher earner but both couples had the same outlook on family money and expenditure, which worked well for them and is the only way either of us knew.
Trust has to be absolute though, which may seem naive to some but I can’t imagine being married to someone whom I couldn’t trust with everything (incidentally, I am in charge of all our finances, not sure he even knows the logins and password, so if anyone is going to clear our accounts it would be me).

DH and I have the same income, except for when I was on maternity leave and part time for a few years - during that time, my reduced financial contribution to the household was never questioned by either of us. It just never occurred to us to.
Only since coming on mumsnet that I saw this other world of women having to dip into their own savings or ask their DH for money. I found that mind blowing and so different to my personal experience.

So if I was gifted £1000, I would probably enjoy spending it on something that was shared - that’s where I get my personal enjoyment from, not an expensive handbag, shoes or spa weekend on my own. However, if I wanted to spend it that way then he wouldn’t mind and vice versa.
As you say, we are both completely on the same page.

Sounds like housemates taking their kids on holiday. Why don’t you have a shared pot?

It's not compulsory to work full time (or even at all) if you can afford not to. Presumably this has been agreed within the household. Maybe parent 2 being part time supports parent 1 earning more as laundry is done, dinner cooked, car MOTd etc. I know you can still do these things and work full time but why would you choose to if you don't need or want to?

You could say the same about DH & me (as my previous post).

I was brought up by an independent woman who worked throughout her life at a time when mothers didn't work. My mother was born in 1940 so for the first 5 years of her life was brought up by women (as all the men were fighting). Also my mother's parents had their own business & she remembered her mother who had a high risk PG & was on 'bed rest', sitting up in bed typing out invoices, making phone calls etc whilst my mother looked out for the Midwife so that she could remove all signs of my GM working before she arrived. My DH's father died young & his mother had to bring up 3 boys on her own which meant she also had to work.

Then there's my GMs both of whom had to clean other people's houses to contribute to the family income.

There is a myth that all mothers were able to be STAHM.

How does partner 2 find partner 1 attractive enough to have sex with them when they are so tight with money . I couldn’t find that trait appealing personally. You’re not partners , you’re business associates.

Parent 1 should spend the £1000 on expensive meals and spa treatments for themself whilst on holiday. The £1000 was gifted to them.
Parent 2 should get a full-time job if they’re not satisfied with their financial lot in life, and stop casting envious eyes towards Parent 1’s good fortune.
If the teenager has a part-time job, they should use that money to pay their own way. Nothing is a free ride in life and the sooner they learn that lesson the better.
If the adult DC is living at home and therefore has a lot more disposable income than their parents, they should provide more of a contribution to the family holiday pot.
If there are any pets in the household, they too, should get part-time jobs and make a 20 percent contribution to ease the financial burden on others in the family.

If there are any pets in the household, they too, should get part-time jobs and make a 20 percent contribution to ease the financial burden on others in the family.

I love this suggestion. My spaniel is currently applying to become a sausage sniffer dog as she can sniff a sausage out at 20m - with training 50m+. 😂

Why isnt everything in the same pot?
You are both paying 50% each for the teenager.
This is so odd

My dog is a food taster, and my cat tests beds. Both work full time (with frequent overtime). Cat works 23 hours a day - poor thing.
Dog Is also a personal trainer, and trains people for marathons.

Also this.

Are you both paying 50% of bills day to day?

Not fair for higher earner to pay more day to day and lower earner to keep full 1k when working part time appears to be a lifestyle choice.