What would you do with the £1000?

[CosyDenimShark]

1st time posting & would appreciate some views on this as I might be being unreasonable in my head.

Parent 1 earns 3 times what Parent 2 does and works full time.
Parent 2 works part time.
1 adult child, 1 teenager in the household.

Holiday booked for all 4. Parents paying for their own cost of the holiday plus 50% each of the teenagers holiday.
Adult child paying for their own (full time worker).

Parent 1 was gifted £1000 recently.

Would you expect parent 1 to take the £1000 off the holiday total, making the share to pay less for everyone, or, take £1000 off their own share as it was primarily a gift to them.

The giver of the gift only stated it was to be used for something nice, not bills & to use it for a holiday.

Oddly enough, my oldest friend and I were talking about money and the meaning of it recently.

Both of us were single parents in our youth, both of us are now quite comfortable in our old age, they are mid 60s I'm mid 70s.

Both of us were commenting that a couple of thousand pounds would be an "thanks, but why?" type of thing. When we were struggling single parents, it would have dragged both of us out of the hole of worrying every month how we were going to manage until the end of the month.

that's partly why I always bang on here about income meaning nothing, without considering outgoings.

It's also why I despise the government for giving me, who doesn't need it, the yearly £300 heating allowance while keeping the child benefit cap. But that's beside the point regarding opening posters question.

I think it depends on how gifted money is usually used...if it is normally kept by the person who it was gifted to, to do whatever they want with, then they should do exactly that and use it just for their share if thats what they want to.

If gifted money is usually split, then it should be shared for the whole holiday balance

My dad would use it to pay for the adult child’s place.

Historically.

But with one DC a working adult and the other a teenager it is surely years and years since childcare was needed.

Better if parent 2 went full time and they worked out an equitable split of household chores.

If the reason for part time work is running the house/childcare or disability, then the finances should be split more fairly. The fact that parent 1 doesn't want to treat parent 2, speaks volumes. Unless the part time working is a choice not discussed and the housework is still fully split.

The household should pay 100% of the holiday. Parent 1 should be contributing 75% towards household funds.

I don't understand splitting bills like this for joint expenses. Does partner 1 only pay for himself and 50% of teenager when gas bill arrives, or do you have a Household Account?

I most definitely would pool the grand into the holiday to lighten the load on parent 2. If parent one doesn’t, they're a miserable c#nt.

In our house with a wage gap so big, which has happened, parent one would pay for the adults and teenager and parent two would be treats, days out and fun money for both kids.

I wouldn't be subsidising some who chose to work part time.

If I was gifted £1000, it would be up to me what I spent it on.

It doesn’t sound like you’re working as a team.

Whoever earns more should be paying more in line with their income.

The gift is up to the recipient to use, if they chose to use it on the family fine, but also fine for them to set fire to it in the garden if they so wish as it was a gift for them to do with as they like.

In your case, it sounds like you have separate finances, and presumably are happy with this arrangement. So it's up to parent 1 what they do with the money gifted to them, and seems reasonable enough for it to reduce their part of the holiday bill.

In our marriage, all money is shared, and always has been. Therefore the £1000 gift would be for all of us and would come off the holiday total, or be used for extra treats when away. But that's now how you seem to run things, so it seems unfair to change the way things have previously been arranged just because parent 1 has now received a gift.

i started off being gripped by this one, but as the OP has not come back to clarify, I am going to have to say, I am out.

Yeah. Sometimes I really wonder if some of the couples here even like each other.

It completely depends on the details.
If the teen is 13 so its still beneficial not being alone after school every day and lots in the holidays, the part time parent is in a low income job working eg 24 hours then doing all the housework and meals etc, or if the low earner has health issues making working full time hard to manage, or is caring for an elderly relative on days off work then I would expect finances to be shared equally overall.

If parent 2 is working part time with a 16 year old who doesn't have additional needs, and just can't be bothered to work more hours and doesn't intend to change that then I'd expect parent 1 to keep the money for themselves.

With parent 1 earning 3x what parent 2 does, the holiday split seems unfair. It’s already a bit strange that it’s not just a pot of family money that pays for things, but even with split finances it’s just not fair.

Eg total holiday costs £2000. Parent 1 should be paying 75% or £1500, Parent 2 should be paying 25% or £500.

The fact that Parent 1 is happy to split 50:50 when they earn 3x what Parent 2 does, implies that they're unlikely to add the £1k to the pot as they’re selfish and grabby.

Do you have to take the heating grant? In New Zealand you can refuse it if you don't need it. We also have a scheme where we'll off pensioners can donate part or all of their pension to charity.

Good point.

There was a thing I caught the end of on the radio about it - apparently you can do it online as if you try to cancel it some other way (sorry not helpful) it can mess up tax rates...it's possible but you need to opt out directly online - goodness knows why they made it hard not to take!

you don’t sound like a couple you sound like divorced coparents taking the kids away as friends. I think you should work full time and he pays childcare and cleaning etc costs

If my partner was given £1000, I wouldn’t expect them to share it. It would be nice if they did but it’s their gift.

If my DH was given a money gift it would be his to use for whatever he wanted, by you having to split money into percentages it shows he's ensuring that he won't be paying over what he thinks is fair. He's telling you he's not comfortable and could feel pressure that it's on him to keep the family afloat, you need to work f/t

Miney should be used to either reduce the costs for all or to cover costs wholst on holiday. Because you're a family not a group of random people.

Yeah cos it’s as easy as pie when you’ve worked part time for years and sacrificed climbing the career ladder to support your family by being at home (and at the same time enabled your partner to become a high earner)
Or just maybe parent 1 could do the right thing and chip in a bit more? It should be a partnership. People bring different things to the table. Money is only one of them.