To put this in my will? DC holiday

[Twoshoesnewshoes]

I’ve just been reading the other thread about wills, and it got me thinking.
we’re doing ours soon.
my three DC are all adult. If something unexpected happened, they would each get about £120k from our estate.
they are very close but don’t often get the opportunity to hang out together, usually this is at our home at Christmas, or on a larger family holiday.
im considering ring fencing eg £5k from the will for them to get a cottage or something for a holiday so they can spend time together a few times.
or is that annoying and controlling?

I think it's controlling. You have to trust they will make the choices they want to about their relationship when you aren't around any more.

A forced holiday isn't the vibe I think you want anyway.

Put it in a non-binding letter of wishes as something you would like to happen, not your actual will

I mean, you can write what you like but you can't force them to spend it on a holiday. Who knows what their situations will be in the future anyway?

I think I'd forgo the money rather than spend a holiday with one of my brothers. DH would feel the same about one of his

Potentially. As they get older and some have pre schooler so can go any time, others are stuck with school holiday and one hates kids.

I would make it a suggestion.

Are you an archers fan as this exact scenario is playing out now.

Hell no - it should be their choice, not you interfering from beyond the grave.

I think it's a really nice idea to express to them when you're still alive or put in a letter to be read after your death, but I wouldn't try and ring fence money in your Will. I'm not sure it would even be possible...who would/could make them all book and go to a cottage?!

Yes it's controlling. If they want to have a relationship after you've passed, they will. No beyond-the-grave holiday provisions needed.

Why not arrange a cottage holiday now, that you can also go on?

Controlling, and a plot line from the Archers. Have a listen and see how that’s going to play out!

Until recently I would have said it was too controlling, but a friend of mine recently had a similar experience when her parents died, and there was a certain amount of money for her and her siblings to get together. For them it worked really well because although they were close, there was always reasons not to get together (they all live far from each other) mostly money related,
and she said that they had an amazing time and her and her brothers agreed it was a really considerate thing that their parents had done.

I half jokingly have told mine i will set them a quest to spinkle my ashes in various places together, on a mountain, a river, over the sea, that type of thing but its not formally in a Will yet and in reality it might be a horrible experience for them and not the poignant picture i have in my mind!
As much as i think the idea is nice of ring fencing a holiday fund for them, they might not and it is a bit controlling. Can you suggest everyone should do it sooner, rather than after ?

Hasn’t this just happened in the Archers?
I think it depends on how close the family is. Our lot love going away together. We plan to pay for a trip when my pension lump sum comes through and go with them!

I was just thinking this is Peggy posting from beyond the grave!

I don't think you should do this.
Make the will simple and avoid adding layers of complication.

My dad add something a bit like this to his will and it was a bit of a nightmare to sort out in the end and the solicitor who was the executor delayed payg out the rest of the money until it was sorted out.

I don't think it's controlling - it's your money. I think some PP are putting a slant on it that doesn't apply in your case. You say they are close and that they do already sometimes go on large family holidays together, so it's not a case of forcing feuding siblings to spend time together.

I think it's a nice gesture and I would like this if I were one of the adult children. It's your money to gift how you see fit.

Very controlling, if you’re giving them a gift then give it, without strings.

I don’t think I’d put that in my will but I would book such trips while I am alive.

Spend the money now and take them all away while you can join them??

That's what your children would appreciate most

I think this is the way to go!

And the sentiment is lovely... I'd be really pleased had my parents done this...!

To dictate it in the Will would be controlling, but given you're not actually dead why can't you just have a conversation and tell them your wishes. Both of my parents are dead, but I'm the one who remembers my mums wishes that we don't lose touch and organises an annual get together.

Thanks all, the letter of wishes is a great idea.
we do all get together when we can and we have an extended family holiday every year (paid for by my mum), we also offer ours a holiday or city break every year so it’s not about doing it now rather than after we are gone.
its more about providing a space for them to get together as presumably they will sell the family home.

Really controlling. If they want to hang out together, they will.

I get on with my siblings and when we get together, we enjoy it. But never, ever would we go away with each other and I’d hate to think we were being forced into it from beyond the grave.

Just seems like you are dangling a carrot if you do this to be honest. Not a criticism, a lot of people do with their estates, so you are not the only one!

I think it's a lovely idea, and a lovely thought 😊 But make it something you'd like to happen with the money, rather than binding in any way.