To be worried about my son and his relationship

[Enterusername111333]

20 year old son, studying and at home. He's a lovely, gentle and sociable lad.

He's been with his current gf for 18 months. We've welcomed her with open arms, she stays over, has meals with us and has been on holiday with us.

On holiday we noticed how lazy and demanding she was. Never wanted to do anything other than come out for dinner, moaned about it being hot and moaned when DS wanted to go out or do some activities with us. One night they went out for dinner they came back to the villa an hour later as a waiter dripped something on her top. She was so worried about it staining but left it lying for me to wash and hang out!

DS was quite active. Goes for walks, camping with friends but hasn't done or planned anything as she isn't into that. When she comes over they spend 2 days in his room ordering food and playing games. He's putting on weight.

I feel his spark is being dulled, he's always the one compromising. She's a fussy eater (pizza and chicken nuggets) and he is quote adventurous but now only eats out at whetherspoons. He isn't seeing his friends as much.

I do like her and am happy he's happy but don't want him being downtrodden like this.

They don’t sound very well suited but there isn’t much you can do. They’re young so may break up.

Sounds familiar this thread.

There’s nothing you can do about the relationship (and you shouldn’t try) but you can encourage him to get fit and go out. Don’t mention the GF when you do though.

It does?

Very, very few first relationships come to anything permanent. They’ll both live and learn.

Yes a weekly thread

I know the theory just I married my first relationship and we are very happy 23 years later!

It's admirable how he goes out of his way to accommodate her but at what cost?

Say nothing it will only make him rebel. They say terrible two's it's nothing in comparison to teens and twenties lol. Fake being her best friend act like you like her I believe women shouldn't be treated as lesser like 1900's but in 2000 neither should sons

That’s got to be so hard to watch. Hopefully you’ll get some posters giving phrases you can use that will help him see that being in a relationship shouldn’t be the end of everything else. Subtle phrases that won’t make him dig hi heals in

He is at an age where below waist rules his brain, include her in activities

It's tricky because any criticism of her is probably going to push him away from you. Can you tell him you're trying a new exercise regime as you feel you've put on a few pounds and ask him to come on a few walks with you. Ask after his mates, casually 'How's xxxx, haven't seen him for a while'?

As to the holiday, it does sound as if she's difficult to please! I wouldn't have washed her top though, even if she left it.

Probably fairly common but i’d stay well out of it, apart from maybe encouraging him to keep relationships with his friends.

It probably won't last as it sounds more like incompatibility than anything. Letting our kids make their own mistakes is probably the hardest thing to do but since it does just sound like incompatibility you can't really do anything.

As to the holiday, it does sound as if she's difficult to please! I wouldn't have washed her top though, even if she left it.

I just could not believe this. She sounds so entitled. I would not have washed it. As for the rest, it is difficult. Hopefully the Son will begin to see that she is not the right person for him. Time will tell.

Why did you wash the top?

I would have left it.

I certainly wouldn’t have washed her top, I’d have left it where it was. I do sympathise as my ds is in a relationship which I’m not happy about but of course nothing I can do.

She sounds a bit depressed and maybe has 'social unease '.

Well she doesn't sound great, but I hardly think this is in 'worrying' territory, unless you think she's treating him badly. They are very young, it's unlikely to last. You don't have to make such an effort for her. Why would you wash her top?

Nothing you can do and none of your business.

No point giving it any head space , you can’t control or even influence his relationships

have you voiced your concerns to him ?

why did you wash her stained top? She is 20 not 10 just direct her to the cupboard where the stain remover is

Please tell me you didn't wash her top. I'd have handed her the soap.

I'd get your dh to ask his son for help laying paving or building a pergola. Something strenuous and heavy. While you produce a decent lunch for him (and some sausage rolls for her). 🙂

I also married my first relationship and still together 21 years on!

These romances seldom last in the long term. She doesn't sound like an ideal partner for your son but you are right not to tell him so.

I certainly wouldn’t have washed her top. I’d have left it for the lazy mare to wash herself. Welcome her as you have been doing but don’t enable bad behaviour. Hopefully it will fizzle out