To cancel my baby shower next week

[harleq]

My lovely Smum has wanted to host a small baby shower for me, nothing huge just some cake and tea really as it’s not overly my sort of thing. I’m 35 weeks pregnant.

A couple of friends have had to drop out due to things cropping up, which is fine. With a toddler myself too I know how life can get in the way. So there will be less than 10 people there. I’m exhausted, uncomfortable and quite frankly can’t be bothered to have to make an effort. I’ve been feeling light headed, v tired and nauseous the past few days and worried I won’t be feeling up to it.

AIBU and ungrateful to want to cancel with a weeks notice

You kind of are, yes.

No if you aren't feeling great just cancel. Better a weeks notice than cancelling on the day.

I’d try to go ahead unless u are genuinely ill. It’s an opportunity to see people before baby comes. Plus people have likely got gifts/arranged childcare etc

I would have knocked this on the head from the moment it was suggested.

Yes you'd be unreasonable, it's only tea and some cake like you said. People will probably have brought gifts and arranged their weeks around the event. Plus your smum is probably really looking forward to doing this for you and you said yourself that she's lovely. So you risk really upsetting her if you cancel. You don't even have to stay long. I'd really try and make the effort if I were you.

Sitting with a few friends having tea and cake isn't really very strenuous. I think you would be rather unreasonable to cancel. You might be feeling better in a week's time.

If you truly feel awful on the day just put in a short appearance. I imagine a lot of the preparation and organising has already been done.

Of course you’re not!

Ask your midwife to check the symptoms you mentioned.

No you are NOT unreasonable, and I really don't understand what is wrong with the thought processes of the posters who say you are. If you are light headed and not well, it is really NOT SENSIBLE to continue with it. What if you passed out, it would ruin it for you and others. Don't over-exert yourself. If you are really not at all feeling up to it, PLEASE cancel, and don't feel any guilt. Your health and that of the baby comes FIRST. Not some gathering. They can always give you the gifts later.

Put yourself and your health and that of your baby FIRST! Please cancel. Any normal friend half of a human being will understand. I think some posters have their priorities back to front. It's also very late to be holding a baby shower! It 36+ weeks you could go into labor at any time, even premature labor. Which means you might have to cancel anyway, if you're taken to hospital or have given birth. So it's not really wise to be having it that late anyway. Gifts can wait.

It’s nice to get together with the people who care about you. Whatever the reason/ excuse.
Could you do it but limit it to a short time, 2 hours? As you’re tired and heavy.

2 hours? I wouldn't have it for one hour mid-way pregnancy. 2 hours is batshit at that stage and when she is so sick. She's not well. She won't cope with 2 hours.

OP please pay attention to the messages your body is giving you, and cancel it.

See if you can get an appointment tomorrow for blood pressure and urine checked to make sure all is okay.

I'd be over the moon if you cancelled but then I'm a complete anti social cow 😁

I think a week is plenty notice for cancelling something local, they could bring the gifts separately once baby is here.

This!

Tbh, I'd probably go along with it. It's meant we'll, not strenuous and you never know - you might even enjoy it when you're there. You've probably already spent more hours agonising over it, than the event itself will even take.

If it were a mountaineering trip in the himalayas, I could get your concern.

Congratulations on your soon-to-be-born baby btw x

Thanks all, really appreciate all of your opinions. I know it’s not a strenuous thing and keeping it short would be best. I have been monitored quite often during both of my pregnancies as a higher risk for pre eclampsia so I will speak to my midwife on Monday if I can to check.

Get checked out by the midwife.
Don’t Cancel because there are ‘only’ 10 people . That’s a lovely number. Even 3 of 4 would be a very nice little tea party or people who are happy for you.

I agree, contact your midwife and get yourself checked out. It's difficult to get enough sleep in the last weeks of pregnancy and that can leave you feeling rubbish. I wouldn't cancel the shower though, as your Smum has made the effort to arrange it and it's just a couple of hours having tea and cake which isn't really strenuous!

10 people is plenty.

You might be able to get your blood pressure checked at a pharmacy or find someone with a home monitor. I bought one from a pre eclampsia charity and tested my urine myself using dipsticks from Amazon.

10 is loads! I don’t know why you’re disappointed. If you’re feeling tired then surely the fewer people the better?

Are you disappointed because the people you really want there have cancelled? It sounds a bit like that. Ten people is a good shout. If you are going to cancel do it soon. Like Monday soon.

I would personally try to go ahead with it.
I think send a message to the group and say you’re not feeling well so will be quite a short party.
however if you want to cancel it; do it sooner rather than later so people can plan.
usually baby showers mean the mum just sits around and gets pampered.
you could un-invite most of the group and just have your closest friends or just family so it’s easier? Or have your mum come over on the day and look after your toddler while you nap?

Sorry I didn’t mean to come across that I was disappointed, I was just trying to make it clear it’s not one of these extravagant showers with loads of guests, hired venue etc just a small thing with mainly family.

The two hour limit suggestion is a good one.

Everyone will be hugely relieved if you cancel anyway.

Bit OTT no? I hardly think she’s endangering the health of the baby by having tea and cake with ten people.