Eating at my friends

[boldasgolden]

I’m currently staying at my friends house and she’s lovely. I’ve never stayed at her house before and only ever been in the garden. We’ve been friends 2 years and she comes to mine a lot and we meet out doing things but this is the first time I’ve been invited to stay. I’m here for five nights

the issue is food. Her kitchen is dirty (it smells and utensils are mucky) she has three cats. There’s a litter box on the floor of the kitchen overflowing and the cats walk on the side. I don’t know why but I feel like I can’t eat here. We’ve eaten out yesterday and today (I offered to pay) but she’s saying that she will cook for us the next two nights.

I don’t want to upset her or be rude, and I’m 200 miles from home but I genuinely don’t feel like I can eat here. I’ve even avoided having a cup of coffee so far and she’s commented on that I don’t seem to be drinking or eating much.

Could you get a takeaway then say “I’ll help clean up” and get some done with her?
Otherwise, gentle and tactical honesty.

Say 'I'm funny about cats in kitchens' and order a takeaway.

I would try not to think about the mess/cats. It’s very unlikely there will be anything wrong with the food/drink that she serves. It’s just a case of getting over it in your head. You probably eat food from worse kitchens half the time you order a takeaway.

Oh, I had a friend like this. Smelly and overflowing cat litter tray in the kitchen, and dogs wandering around scratching constantly.

We only ever had take-aways round her house, neither DH or I couldn't face food cooked there.

I’d make it a me thing. “I know you’ll laugh/ I’m a weirdo/ I don’t know why I’m like this…” Tell her that you’ve always had a thing about animals near food. I absolutely would not eat from that kitchen.

If you think you could trust something baked/roasted in the oven, you say 'Oh no friend I don't want you cooking! Take some time off and put these lovely oven to table meals in the cooker.' (naturally you have to pre buy them)
Shouldn't be too hard to wash up a couple of plates and mugs, as you 'don't want her slaving over you.'
She will think you are the most thoughtful guest ever.

Blame the heat for not wanting a cooked meal. Get in some salad and fruit.

You're going to have to be all humble about it not to offend her, but that would piss me off a bit, especially if I was invited to stay.

I know people like this - struggle to eat / drink round theirs, and I'm not even a clean freak! Its just gross. Can you do a bit of washing up? Might make you feel a bit better. Though IME, these places also tend to lack clean sponges / washing up liquid. 🤢
My own DBs is like this, and I arrive prepared! I can't settle till I've restored some basic hygiene.

Tell her straight.

‘Jane, the litter box needs emptying, it’s making me feel sick.’

As for the cooking you can say, ‘Jane, go and put your feet up whilst I’m here and I’ll cook the meal.’ Shush her out of the kitchen and then wash everything before you use it and wash up afterwards.

Sometimes you have to be assertive.

gross I wouldn’t eat there either, I had a friend who made me dinner before, her other rooms were fine but the kitchen was so gross old plates, microwave full of old splats, floor vile I just felt sick after, she didn’t even have pets or kids to have an excuse!

I have two indoor only cats and the thought of having their litter box in the kitchen grosses me out.

I would have a sudden emergency and leave. I couldn’t stand eating there.

I don’t have anywhere else to put mine but it’s at the end of a run of units, nowhere near the food prep and it’s immaculate (open plan living/kitchen)

I suspect you keep on top of yours better than the sound of the OPs friend.

One of my cats absolutely reeks when she poops so I’d end up dry heaving if I was trying to cook while she went.

Oh yeah, it’s scooped and out the house immediately!

@NCNC2 but what happens when you’re there and the cat is pooping? Do you just carry on with what you’re doing, and that includes eating, whilst the cat is pooping?

"Jane - your kitchen is filthy! Let's open a bottle of wine and clean it up together - you tackle the litter tray while I wash up"

If she refuses or gets the hump go home as you're incompatible.

Animals shitting in the kitchen is vile however quickly you clean it.

I had a friend like this and I never ate or drank at her home. She once baked me a birthday cake and I had to throw it away as couldn’t imagine eating it. I’d suggest a takeaway

No, I stop whatever I’m doing and sort it out

Not quite sure what the other option is really given he needs a litter tray. Not everyone lives in a big enough house with a utility
bedroom isn’t great either
can’t go in the bathroom
no other rooms

technically it’s not IN the kitchen (it’s in the living room) but it’s an open plan room so it’s a U shape kitchen with the tray at the end of the run of one of the straight sides

This.

This.

This.

Urgh! These situations are so difficult. I too have had friends like this - a few years of only ever eating with them in cafes or restaurants, and then an invitation to stay … And you’re confronted with plumbing blockages, cat litter, or huge dogs in tiny kitchen, grimy sinks, disgusting tea towels, unusable crockery and cooking implements, unspeakable showers …

If it’s purely a social visit it’s probably best to cut it short due to an unexpected emergency at home. But I invariably find that this misfortune befalls me when I really need to be in that distant from home area (a conference, or an early flight, or whatever) when there’s no polite way of removing myself to a hotel.

I’m really sorry but I think I must be allergic to your cats … Terrible sinus pain, itching… I’m going to have to go home is the best I can offer. Good luck.