I know IBU but was he out of line

[TakeYaTentHome]

Name changed as I don’t want this to link to my other posts

For context - currently at a festival, came on my period the night before I drove.

DP and his brother arrived a day before me and set up tent. I came a day later, organised DD (not his child) for the weekend with her dad and the usual mum stuff that happens on weeknights

miscommunication Meant that DP said he bought his own toiletries but I need to get my own. I could have sworn he said he bought US our miniatures but at no point did he remind me that I need to grab my own. Yes I know I’m the idiot for mishearing and assuming. After a shit nights sleep (leaks, period pain) I woke and just got miffed and said with all the million things he was reminding me I would have appreciated a text of shit I needed to bring. And then I said why would he get his own and not just grab mine while he was there, it feels a bit selfish. Yes I know. I shouldn’t have said that.

i fucked off to the showers and I got a call from him before I went in, he was seething and said “before you fucking call me selfish again just remember I bought your fucking ticket to Download and the tent your sleeping in”.

i just hung up. It’s true. He did. And I appreciate it. I hate that I have to spend this weekend with his brother also but I’ve grit my teeth. What shook me is he threw it in my face. In 6 years we have both spent a lot of money. On each other. On our futures. But I’ve never, EVER, thrown anything like that in his face nor would I. I will never remind someone what I’ve done as some sort of defence to anything.

I'm ready. Tell me I deserve what he said. Because I’m so mad and so upset.k

Why would he remind you that you needed to bring your own?

Do you need him to remind you to bring your own clothes too? Or did you remember them? 🧐

I’ve been married 30 years and I wouldn’t expect my DH to pack my toiletries - we pack our own.

Sorry!

I think YABU but he shouldn’t have said what he said. It’s supposed to be a partnership and he shouldn’t use this as a weapon against you

Yeah sorry, we are each responsible for our our packing. You were a little out of order.

My partner has no idea what my current favourite products or my routine is. How on earth would yours even know what to pack for you? Plus I would bring different stuff eg dry shampoo to a festival that I would never use at home.

I get something like toothbrush and deodorant might be obvious but surely you saw that was still at home because you had it with you?

Idk why you are ruining what should he a nice time maybe you don't like festivals and are stressed out by it all? I enjoyed them when I was younger but can't deal with the filthy toilets these days.

You’re tired, you’ve got your period, you’ve slept badly and it sounds like you had a mad rush to get ready for the festival. You were out of order but it’s understandable. He didn’t react brilliantly but you were being mean. You need to apologise completely and try to let it go.

I would say the same of i paid all that money then got called selfish! She deserved the push back honestly.

You were pissed off at him and lashed out, saying things you shouldn't. He did the exact same thing. You don't have a moral high ground here.

DH and I agreed early on that we pack our own toiletries. Just assume you're in charge of your own packing every time. Worst happens, you have double amounts of toiletries.

I would assume, given a festival, that DP had already been drinking so may have reacted more harshly than if sober?

Did he offer to buy the tickets? Are you supposed to have paid him back?

YABVU, and I'm not sure how you being on your period is remotely relevant, other than an attempt to garner sympathy.

If a man was on here complaining that his partner hadn't packed his toiletries for him and he then threw a strop about it, he would be crucified, and rightly so.

I think just let it go, he said what he said out of annoyance at being called selfish and asked to remind you or get stuff that is your responsibility. In a perfect pristine world maybe he would remind you or buy your things but people don't think about these little things, which is Ok. Try not to let this ruin your mood now either, it's not a big deal, apologise sincerely and enjoy your time together.

So he paid for your ticket and tent, set up saod tent and you want him to also organise your toiletries OR send you a list to organise your toiletries (and other shit), and you'd rather his brother (who presumably paid for his own ticket and tent and went as an equal and not a tag along), wasn't there.

And you're pissed off with him??

Maybe he shouldn't have phoned you to dig in but he's right that you're selfish: what did you bring to the trip? Why does he have to organise you?

I woke and just got miffed and said with all the million things he was reminding me I would have appreciated a text of shit I needed to bring. And then I said why would he get his own and not just grab mine while he was there, it feels a bit selfish.

Because he thought you'd remember to bring your own?

Sorry but my ex husband used to forget his own things all the time and then somehow make it my fault for not reminding him 🙄

He's not throwing anything back at you - he's reminding you that he does things for you and spends money on you. It's quite pathetic to call him selfish for not organising your toiletries. You're not a child and it's not his fault women have periods.

which I was I said YABU.

But a partnership is not meant to be a point scoring exercise over who has spent more.

I think yabu but honestly, you haven't slept, you're on your period, festivals are overwhelming, and at least where I am it's boiling so I do get being snippy. These things happen sometimes.

Say sorry, have a hug and enjoy your weekend ♥️

This is just one of those things that feels big when you're in it, but it really isn't. You said stuff you shouldn't have, so did he, no big deal. Just apologise, have a hug, and enjoy your weekend - gorgeous weather for it!

Absolutely no way id assume DH would pack my toiletries. God knows what would end up in there 🤣. He packs his and I pack mine. Sounds like you're already pissed off his brother is there and that has escalated things. If you want to rescue the weekend you're going to have to apologise

No he was not out of line. this is on you

Why is it his fault you didn't remember your toiletries?

I'd apologise to him for being an arsehole.

If you’re just determined to have a shit time then go home and leave him to it with his brother. I’d be fucking raging if I’d gone to Download and my husband ruined it by sniping and snapping at me.

It sounds like miscommunication, have a drink and cheer up op

Probably you are annoyed at yourself, but you're taking it out on him.

I'd say you both need to apologise, have a hug, then get on with enjoying your weekend

Never ever would I expect my partner to bring my personal items, unless it was already packed in a bag and clearly communicated that he needs to take stuff. YABU.