What will the judge do?

[Imaginedinos]

what will a judge do if DC (11) want to live with their dad full time? How much weight do they give to a child’s “opinion” at that age. Has anyone else been through similar?

Normally they will take 'wishes and feelings' into account from around age 10. But, they also look at whether its safe, what the current arrangements are etc.
How often do they see dad at the moment and what is the child's reasoning for wanting to move full time? Are you anywhere near 50/50 at the moment? If you are could it be increased slightly in dad's favour? Importantly does dad want them there full time and can living arrangements accommodate this? Could you trial it for the school holidays and see if it works?
Why has it ended up in court? The judge would also ask a carcass officer to speak to the child and write a report and may appoint a 'guardian' for the child.

70/30. He’s asking for 50/50 and has taken it to court, dc have decided they want to be there full time. Terrified it will happen.

What are the reasons DC is giving for wanting that?

So 70/30 with you being the 70? Surely an extra 20% wouldn't have been a huge difference? What are your reasons for refusing to the point its going to court? Very gently (I divorced 20 years ago with a then 3 year old so I do understand) we can become entrenched in our own feelings and forget that the child has feelings too.

It’s very unusual for a child that age to have such strength of feeling.

What's wrong with 50:50?

Well I’m the primary parent and I’ll hardly ever see dc mainly

Exactly, that’s why I’m hoping the court won’t give too much weight to it

Why does he want to live with his Dad full time?

Erm, I'd suggest you don't let that come across in court, there isn't any such thing as primary parent and you could have the judge wanting to understand why you feel you are more important. Unfortunately by refusing 50/50 you've opened up a situation, as in reality you'd both see dc for 'equal' time

It will definitely be considered and carry some weight. Why do they want to be with him?
Why would you refuse 50:50 when your DC wants more time with Dad?

Would he be happy to have them full time? Remember with 50/50 you'll still see them more than he does just now. If you push to hard you may push them away.

Often children feel that living with the other parent will be easier as they can run away from the rules at home.

when they get there other rules and problems arise, it’s not greener on the otherside

have you tried or offered for mediation for 50/50 instead of court?

Is there any reason why 50:50 wouldn’t work?

Why do you want to disregard your child’s feelings and force them to have an arrangement they don’t want? There must be a reason why they don’t want to be with you?

i think it will be the opposite: because it’s unusual, they are more likely to sit up and take an interest in the view of the child. It’s quite unusual for a child that age to not prefer being with Mum, I know I’m stereotyping but it’s true. So for your DC to strongly prefer the opposite of the norm, I think will make it more likely to happen.

You must know why dc does want to live with you.

To answer some questions yes I’m sure he would have dc full time and I have no idea why he wants to live with his dad, he’s never said. I’ve refused 50/50 because it’s better for dc to have one place they count as home so it’s stable and then he visits his dad place. I’m hopeful that because courts use 50/50 as a starting point and it’s not the norm for children to live with their dad, that judge will just leave it at 50/50

And you haven’t asked him?
Would DS have his own room there?
Does DH work hours that would work with having DS full time?

Why do you think your son wants to live with his father full time?

That stance could seriously back fire on you

jydge could agree that it’s better if the dc has a home and visits the other parent - but place the dc with dad and visit you

youll not have any come back then as it’s what’s best for the child not you

Why didn't you just go with 50/50 without dragging everyone through the courts?

You're now at risk of getting even less time because a judge will absolutely listen to an 11yo.

I'm confused (sorry) your ex asked for 50/50 and you presumably declined? Now it's going to court and you're hoping the judge will give 50/50 anyway? Why is it going to court then? In these circumstances you'll spend time tooing and froing and the child arrangement order would just be put in front of the judge to sign. Do you mean you're hoping the judge will leave it at 70/30?
I'm afraid without wishing to upset anyone, bar a child having additional needs, a judge won't listen to the 'one place to calk home' argument at all, it's seen as beneficial to dc to have substantial contact with both parents. A judge definitely won't listen to an argument involving your wish for dc to consider themselves a 'visitor' to their dads house. I really would would suggest that you neutralise the language otherwise you'll come across as wanting to minimise contact which will lead to the opposite happening

I’ve refused 50/50 because it’s better for dc to have one place they count as home so it’s stable and then he visits his dad place.

Thats not necessarily so, my kids split their time 50/50 - it’s definitely best for them, and what they want. The adults manage our time so that it works for them. You’ll need to evidence why what you want is “best” when your child wants something different.

Perhaps if your son saw his father 50-50, which is perfectly reasonable given that he is much his father’s son than he is yours, he wouldn’t be asking to live with him. He’s probably saying he wants to live with him because he misses him a lot while only seeing him 30% of the time.

Probably because it sounds like the OP doesnt listen to what they actually want?