What will the judge do?

[Imaginedinos]

what will a judge do if DC (11) want to live with their dad full time? How much weight do they give to a child’s “opinion” at that age. Has anyone else been through similar?

Why don’t u speak to ex amd agree to 50/50 and avoid court if you are concerned you might end up worse off?

It's likely to be the opposite. You need to talk to your son and find out why he wants to live with his dad!

If you want your child to have one home and your child wants that home to be their fathers then unless there is any reason why they shouldn't be there full time you need to realise that refusing 50:50 could backfire massively on you

No, given how unusual it is, the judge may well take this massively into account. you are not thinking this through at all sensibly

In our experience the court heavily put weight on the child’s wishes at 12 and that is exactly what happened. Child went to live with nrp and minimal contact for rp because of the child’s wishes.

the judge in our case words were “a child will talk with their feet and we don’t want that”

You need to ask your son why he wants to be with his father full time. You should also reconsider opposing the 50:50 and come to an amicable arrangement.

Please speak to your child and find out their reasoning. I find it really strange that they have shared this view and you haven't had a discussion about it.

I know it is hard to think about seeing your child less, however that child is growing and has an opinion that they obviously want heard, they are clearly expressing it. You don't seem to think their opinion matters, and if their opinion doesn't matter or isn't even going to even be heard with such a big thing, are you listening to them about the little things? Time to reevaluate your relationship with your child and listen to them. You aren't going to be able to make a decision and get your own way when the other two people involved disagree with you (dad and child).
I would suggest you agree to 50/50 without court. Let it be tried out, see how it works. Because if you get to court they will make the decision. It's expensive and you will have far less control of the decision making process than you do now.

Also your reasoning won't stand in court where you say a child should have one main home. Because if (they won't) the judge agreed qith this stance, given the situation your son could live with daddy and visit you for 30% or less.

There must be a reason for your dc to want to live with their dad.

You really need to find this out. It could be something like he allowed to play Xbox until 3am at dad's and have pizza every night. Whereas you feed him healthy food and put proper boundaries in.

Talk to your son. Find out what's going on

And put his needs first, not yours, and not his wants, but his needs

We got my step daughter 50.50 when she was 6 mainly based on her wishes from only having her officially EOW. Increased to 70.30 when she was 9 and then full time when she was 12.
of course their opinion counts, if it was the over way round and he wanted to be with you full time I’m sure you would think his opinion was important.

the fact you haven’t discussed his feelings and just want them to be ignored and are dragging it through court instead of amicably agreeing on a fair 50.50 isn’t going to work in your favour.

So you said no to 50:50 and now he's asking for full custody and you are now saying you will settle for 50:50.

there's a lot here about what you want, and now your son. Having one main home is for YOU, nothim and you may have damaged things long term here.

that's quite an offense stereotype of lone male parents.

Blimey OP I fear you're making a huge mistake with this.

What's wrong with 50/50? Your child has 2 parents with equal rights to be with their child. You don't get to say No to 50/50 without very good reasons surely?

i'd strongly recommend not going in with this attitude to the judge.

I should get him because im a mum isnt going to be looked on kindly,

So instead of agreeing 50/50 which sounds perfectly reasonable you're willing to risk your ex getting 100%. Talk to your son and find out what he wants. This isn't about you

Tbh they will give weight to your sons wishes and want to understand why he feels the way he does. They could easily order your ex partner to have 70% if you are concerned about your son having a main residence so I’d advise you don’t use that as an argument.
what matters here is your son. Why is he so keen to live with his father?

Unless there are safeguarding concerns at play the court won’t order a section 7 report (full assessment). They are more likely to advise you attend child inclusive mediation and work it out yourselves. If you’re not both willing to do that then you will have to set out what you believe is on the children’s best interests and the court will adjudicate. It would help to know more about the reasons for the children wanting this change.

@Imaginedinos an 11 yr old I knew went to school office to change their address school asked why said they were going to love with the other parent. (The other parent had to be called ) they agreed and child went there full time.

Goes to court the year later said child told the judge they were happy were they were and wished no contact whatsoever with the other parent. Judge granted the child’s wish
2nd child(age 10) said they wanted to live with the opposite parent and visit the other parent at weekends. Again the judge gave that child what they wished for too.

It’s not you that matters op it’s the child .

Is there a financial or school choice implication connected to this, which is making you dig in your heels? It just doesn't make sense that you are taking such a big risk by turning down (a very reasonable) 50:50 offer and choosing to go to court.

Boys often say they would prefer to live with their fathers all the time.

Is there a CAFCASS report ? If there is, it should explore and explain why your son wants to live with his father.

If it’s game time and Pizza then CAFCASS will advise the court this isn’t good reasoning but if he has sensible reasons then they will consider them.

Maybe he feels his father is more interested in and able to facilitate his interests/hobbies etc. Finding out the Why is key here.

If his dad wants 50:50, and you’re hoping the judge will give 50:50, why are you going to court. Why not just agree to 50:50?

It sounds like 50:50 would be a good option, and you should probably agree this with exh, at least for the time being. That also takes the court worry out of things.

You say you want kids to have a main home, but at the moment your dc is saying they want that to be with their dad. That might well happen one day, but I think you would all benefit from trying 50:50 before such a big step.

You say you are the main carer but that’s only the case so long as dc lives with you. You also say you’d rarely see them if it was 50:50 but surely exh has it worse now?

Re what a judge would do - it depends on so many factors that we could never fully advise on online but they would take into account dc views, just not as the sole factor.

If there are no safeguarding concerns then the child’s wishes will carry weight. No one can tell you exactly how much weight they’ll carry, as that depends on a number of factors. All things being equal, it is not in any way out of the realms of possibility that a judge will decide according to the wishes of the child.

In all likelihood he will at least be awarded 50/50. Like other posters I would advise you to accept 50/50 now, rather than take it to court and risk losing more.

Can you agree on 50:50?

Your 11 year old son wants to live full time with his Dad but he's "never said why". You've honestly never questioned his reasoning. As his mother surely you've asked or have some sort of opinion/insight about it. I find that very hard to believe.