To be mad at DH for ‘forgetting’ he ‘borrowed’ our DC’s birthday money

[SamieK]

Our DC turned 2 recently and received money from two relatives - I kept this behind one of the cards on our mantle piece.

When I took the cards down, I noticed the cash looked ‘sparse’ so counted it and it was £40 short of the total which had been gifted.

I asked DH if he’d seen it and he initially said no. After bringing it up again that evening he suddenly remembered he had taken it to spend at the pub (with a mate) and had intended to replenish it but ‘forgot’.

Now my DH never withdraws cash and always uses his card - so I called BS on this but he stands by the story.

Do you think this is plausible or do you understand why I’m sceptical?

Has he given it back?

Put the whole amount in a junior isa and do not tell your dh the details.

Jesus Christ we have this guy as a thief, an alcoholic and a drug abuser and we’re only on page 2.

OP if it makes you feel any better I had money tacked up to our notice board in the kitchen that belonged to the kids and I paid the window cleaner one night with it (my DH knew) and I had to be reminded the next week by my DH to replace it because I’d been busy and had forgotten I’d used it. I replaced it and no harm done.

i cannot believe the drama this is causing.

@shortsharp you had to be reminded but you wouldn't have forgotten you'd done it if you were asked, unless he's generally forgetful OP? I think many scenarios are plausible but only OP knows him well enough to know which it's likely to be. If OP can't trust him that's potentially not her fault!

I somewhat agree, but presumably he had his own money via his card, which makes it confusing why he’d take the cash. If he was completely skint/had 0 in his bank then fair (well not fair but you know what I mean) but otherwise it doesn’t make sense why he’d take it.

Unless it was for a window cleaner.

It all very much depends on the individual concerned whether this is credible or not!

We often keep any cash that the children are given and pay the money into their savings from our account.
There are often things we need cash for that crop up - lottery syndicate at work, money for scout activities, PTA events, barbers prefer cash.

I don't think it's an issue unless you are really worried he never intended to pay it back (as in you caught him out and knew the cash was down £40 rather than him hoping you wouldn't remember the total).

Well when asked originally he lied, only the second time he admitted it and gave a really poor answer since he apparently uses his card and not cash.

I wouldn't trust him with the babies money again, just open a savings account and give people that information.

easier to pay the taxi driver, didn’t have to find a working cash machine etc. I’ve asked my DH for cash for these reasons before because I’ve not been organised before leaving. there are a million reasons that don’t boil down to being a drug abuser 😅

im starting to realise that I’m not very organised when it comes to cash

Taxi drivers all take card now

Ok well he’s clearly a drug addict then.

And they don’t all take card in the town where I live.

I do this all the time if my daughter gets cash for a birthday or Christmas. We never have cash, and the Chinese only takes cash. I get inappropriately excited about it - because withdrawing cash is a pain so we tend not to bother and only go places that take card.

My daughter has a magic money tree though, so she isn’t bothered either way.

*only slightly kidding….she has a credit card linked to her ApplePay, so she just ‘takes’ the money back by spending it. Plus her usual spending, which is from the magic money tree…

In short, he isn’t necessarily scummy. I do this and I’m not stealing from my child. For every £20 I might get my hands on, she takes it back at a rate of approximately 100000% via my card….She also doesn’t carry cash as she would lose it. So it works all round…!

They don’t where we live.

I’d guess he took it with no thought to paying it back (maybe seeing it as free money) and felt on the spot when u asked so lied.

Personally I think the initial denial and then the 'sudden remembering' suggests he lied and was hoping to get away with it, as does the fact that he never usually uses cash.
But you know him; what's your gut feeling?

I once opened my young dc money box and found 4 iou notes in there! I had to do that as I was always forgetting to replace it. I used it because I never have cash and was always caught out by window cleaner or something.

He probably lied because he knew what your reaction would be.

This.

Clearly hoped to get away with it, and that you wouldn’t realise he’d taken the money if he just took part of it.

So clearly didn’t intend to pay it back.

He needs to be paying this back pronto, and all future gifts of money out straight into a savings account for DS.

I would probably borrow the money myself if I needed cash,but it would be put back. I definitely wouldn't forget about it, especially if I was asked 😂 he was just trying to get away with it, for whatever reason

This makes me feel a bit bad - are people really that precious about ‘kids’ money when they’re tiny? If my dad gave me £50 for my kid it would go straight into my husbands wallet. I don’t think we steal from them! Our kids will have plenty of savings (we currently have 1 isa in my name that earmarked for them. My husband invests it, so there’s probably about £30k ish but at some point will get them small JISAs and keep the majority in our names).

When they are old enough to understand they have been given money we will of course take them to spend it/ help them understand it is there ready for something special. But when they’re tiny… I don’t see the big deal.

It is however a big deal that you feel your husband was stealing … not cool at all.

So that his night out cost him nothing.

The thing is though, he didn’t ask. That’s the main point here. It should’ve been discussed what they wanted to do with the money.

So this man steals from his child?

Nice.....

So you don't repay your child when your husband pockets birthday or Christmas money?
What would you say if the giver asked what you bought with it or said to put half in savings but you didn't?

You probably feel a bit bad because you know that's not your money it was gifted to your child, it's separate from whatever you have put aside for them imo.

So has the money been replaced??
I'm forever borrowing cash from the dc. It's almost always replaced in their revolut accounts though. We all borrow small amounts of money from each other at times. Unless it's between the dc it's not a big deal if a repayment is forgotten about. Genuine errors

Jesus. The money was in a card, and it's for a two year old. Does it really matter? He would have replenished it, and the two year old isn't going to give a shit.