To be frustrated by the way some men throw around “no homo” and similar phrases?

[WarmGreyCritic]

I know I’m generalising here but one of my biggest frustrations with certain male spaces is the internalised homophobia that’s definitely rooted in misogyny. Anything that falls outside of a rigid, heteronormative framework gets labelled as ‘gay’ and you hear phrases like “no homo” constantly. It’s like some men are so afraid of being perceived as anything other than hyper-masculine that they can’t even express basic emotions without a disclaimer. AIBU to find this exhausting?

Yes because in many cases, what’s policed isn’t just sexuality but anything considered ‘feminine.’ When a man avoids showing affection or vulnerability for fear of being called ‘gay’, it’s often because society has taught him that anything associated with queerness, or even softness, is inferior. That’s where internalised homophobia and misogyny overlap.

Bloke here 🙋
Possibly a generational thing? 🤔
I'm in my 60s, and in various male groups for sports and hobbies, (ages 30-80) and I've never heard "no homo" or similar. We might have done something like that at school in the 1970s, but even then we didn't mean it, and we all knew gay/lesbian people and were totally cool with it 😊

It’s a kids thing. They have had Pride stuffed down their throats for ages so they say this as a rebellion to the current narrative, that’s all. Pendulums always swing.

I find women are more homophobic than men. Most men I know are more inclusive and understanding of LGBTQ+ issues than women.

Sigh..

The data says this is a lie.

The "data" is usually wrong.

Ha I haven't heard anyone say that in at least 10 years, if not more.

Never heard it from anyone. This is literally the first place I've seen it.

The data you haven’t provided? 🤣🤣🤣

I’ve never seen or heard the phrase “no homo”, I’ve just asked my 22 y/o son and he hasn’t either.

Maybe we live under a rock if it’s as prevalent as you say it is.

This phrase was around when my DC were at secondary school 10+ years ago for the eldest. I've never adults say it though. We're in SE London

I still use a phrase that's probably frowned upon when I see a man doing something that needs physical strength (say, lifting a heavy box). But I am definitely not homophobic.

Sounds like your friends are the problem none of my friends say that?

What’s the context of the conversation? I don’t understand why anyone would say this?😳

What, you think only straight men can lift heavy things? Or you don't think that, but you nonetheless say something that suggests you do think that?

Neither of those.

I think both gay and straight men can lift heavy things. It's just literally a saying I heard in the 80s and 90s and just pops out my mouth when I see a man doing something that requires strength.

I have never heard "no homo".

I did/do hear lots of things being labeled as gay/ghey from teenagers both male and female.

I’m baffled by how many people have never heard “no homo”. It’s usually used in this kind of context:

”hey man, I really love you, thanks for being there for me, no homo”

Like as a add on to mean “as a friend, I’m not gay”

Yeah, you're not wrong. I think I might have been giving the people who use it too much credit?!

Another person who's never heard the phrase! It must be who you spend time with or what you look at online.

"no homo" was definitely a thing that people said out loud when I was younger. It was used by boys to clarify they weren't gay before complimenting another boy, e.g. "no homo, your biceps are massive".

I haven't heard it for about 15 years and I am shocked it's still in use. It was stupid then and it's stupid now.

The people you're around are living well back in the past century.

Wake up. We're a quarter of the way into the 21st Century and that shit is unacceptable.

I've never heard the phrase but gay baiting stopped being normalized many years ago. Find new people. Tell the ones who are using that slur to shut the fuck up or report them if this is happening in your workplace.

@HunnyPot

Sigh….there is so much research on this and even anecdotally to claim men are less homophobic than women is laughable.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5065072/

Research consistently shows men to be more homophobic than woman (e.g., Raja & Stokes; Gough, 2002; Herek, 2002).

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2828630/#:~:text=Specifically%2C%20boys%20will%20report%20more,are%20more%20homophobic%20than%20females.

Specifically, boys will report more negative attitudes toward gay males than girls do, and boys will report more negative attitudes toward lesbians than girls do. This is in accord with many prior studies showing that males are more homophobic than females

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Societalattitudestowardhomosexuality

And while gender differences are not prevalent, in those countries where they are, women are consistently more accepting of homosexuality than men."

https://www.pewresearch.org/global/2020/06/25/global-divide-on-homosexuality-persists/#:~:text=In%20most%20of%20the%20countries%20surveyed%2C%20there,saying%20homosexuality%20should%20be%20accepted%20by%20society.

In the Pew global study there is no country where men are more accepting than women.

My 2 sons have never heard this. I heard them call something gay (as in lame) when they were young teens (like 13) but there’s other slang terms that they use now. That sort of usage is very Jeremy Clarkson which put them off at the time.