To be frustrated by the way some men throw around “no homo” and similar phrases?

[WarmGreyCritic]

I know I’m generalising here but one of my biggest frustrations with certain male spaces is the internalised homophobia that’s definitely rooted in misogyny. Anything that falls outside of a rigid, heteronormative framework gets labelled as ‘gay’ and you hear phrases like “no homo” constantly. It’s like some men are so afraid of being perceived as anything other than hyper-masculine that they can’t even express basic emotions without a disclaimer. AIBU to find this exhausting?

I've never heard the phrase "no homo" and none of the men I know would ever use gay in an insulting way.

Maybe you should change who you hang out with?

I've never understood why males care so much, i couldn't give a fuck if someone thought i was gay

I believed it was a tongue in cheek thing. Like 'of course there's nothing wrong with being gay, but society has taught us men to have an irrational fear of it, which is ridiculous. So it's mock 'fear' where there is none? Like I thought it was mocking homophobia?

I could be totally wrong and I've only really seen it said on shows or online rather than IRL. So I guess it depends on the person saying it? I guess it's about whether gay people would find it offensive. That's really the main issue.

Who do you know who says it, what are they like as a person?

I’ve never heard the expression ‘no homo’ and I’ve met some knuckle draggers in my time. Is it regional?

Same. Wherever these certain male spaces are, I'm glad not to frequent them.

And on todays episode of things that definitely didn't happen . . .

Sounds like youre hanging around with a bunch of Alpha's (sarcasm insult). You need to change your circles..

I’ve never heard that phrase.

Where do you meet these “men”? How old are they ?

Ive never heard either of these and regularly work at an all boys school. None of the men or boys I know care if someone is gay. What they do care about is anyone suggesting that only being attracted to a particular sex is in any way wrong, homophobic, heteronormative or transphobic. The single ones get pissed off with people lying about their sex on dating apps.

I must have have been living under a rock because I’ve never heard the phrase ‘no homo’ in my life. Every day is a school day though.

That’s great to hear and honestly I wish that was more common. I’m not saying all men or all environments are like this but it definitely still happens. I’ve heard it in gyms, group chats, even workplaces. It’s not always aggressive either, sometimes it’s subtle or said as a ‘joke’ but the impact is the same. Glad your circle is respectful but I think the wider culture still has work to do.

I’ve heard it OP from a teenage boy. I agree with you.

This, and I'm in an all-male household, work in a male-dominated workplace, and have good male friends.

I’ve heard that argument before - that’s it’s satirical or meant to mock homophobia itself. But the thing is, satire only really works when it punches up or has clear intent behind it. A lot of the time when I’ve heard it used in real life, it hasn’t come across that way at all - it’s more like a reflex to distance themselves from anything seen as ‘soft’ or emotional.

The guys I’ve heard using it are pretty ordinary, some funny some not but it often comes from a place of discomfort rather than critique. And you’re right, the real question is whether LGBTQ+ people find it offensive. If the answer is yes, then maybe we need to retire the joke.

It might be partly regional or generational but I’ve heard it mostly from younger men or in online spaces that mimic “locker room” culture. It tends to pop up when someone expresses anything remotely emotional or complimentary towards another man and they feel the need to clarify their masculinity with “no homo.” It’s one of those things you might not notice until you’re in certain circles but once you hear it you start spotting the pattern.

Where do you live? So far only one other poster has heard the phrase "no homo", but you hear it so often you're exhausted by it?

Internalised homophobia rooted in misogyny? Say what?

It’s more common among younger guys especially in online or bantery male spaces. Think Reddit, gaming chats or certain social groups where emotional expression is policed with humour. I’ve heard it mostly from men in their 20s and early 30s - it’s not necessarily said with malice but it does reflect something deeper about how some men are socialised.

So have you ever heard it in person, or is it all online? Because if it's just an online thing, it's easy to avoid. Stay off reddit!

I literally answered this in another comment before the one you’ve highlighted here. Read!

I see it a lot online, never IRL, and only in a tongue in cheek way.

I haven't heard "no homo", I assume it's a more recent expression? I did used to hear blokes occasionally saying things like "what a gay jumper" to a mate if the jumper was maybe bright pink or "could you be any more gay" if one of them was afraid of, say, a spider. I don't work with men anymore (hoorah) but I've no doubt they still say things like this, and much much worse.

Exactly. Someone asked on another Mn board about whether my home city, where I currently live, was 'as bad as she'd heard'. It emerged that her source of information was the local Reddit, so, interested, I went to have a look.

The majority of what had been posted over the past year was generated by the same small group of men who seemed to be posting from their bedrooms and not in much contact with the rest of the world, and far from a representative sample of the population. If you were basing your opinion of the city, or even its male population, on Reddit, you would think it consisted entirely of semi-literate knuckle-draggers who communicated entirely via a series of strangled yelps about asylum seekers and women who won't sleep with them.

It was clearly a cross-posting. FFS!

I live in the UK and to clarify I don’t mean I hear it daily in person but I’ve seen and heard it enough in certain male-dominated spaces (online and offline) that the pattern is noticeable. It’s less about literal repetition and more about the attitude it represents - discomfort with emotional vulnerability or anything deemed too ‘soft.’ That broader pattern is what I find exhausting.