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Original poster

15 months olds behaviour...help

58 replies

HowManyDucks · 12/06/2025 12:03

15 months old has started testing boundaries. I know it's a normal part of development and they aren't being naughty per se, but at the same time I'm not sure the best approach to deal with it.

She's just turned 15 months. Very happy and curious also very headstrong and independent. Quite an early developer, confident walker by 9 months and using three words together to make herself understood. I only say this because when she ignores me I can be confident she hears and understands but is either choosing not to or just blanking me out because she's busy doing her own thing.

Generally she is really good. Follows instructions very well but she can really be a handful. I find when she masters a new skill her behaviour or rather listening gets worse for a week or two after.

Currently, she is using the word "no" a lot.
"Let's put our shoes" ..."NO no no! Wellies" was this morning. At the moment I try and pick the battles.

She's getting frustrated when she can't do something straight away. And can get quite whiney (this is new, the last couple of days)

Also she has started holding on to my leg when I'm cooking and putting all her body weight on it so that if I move shed faceplant the floor. It's hard when cooking because obviously it's hot in the kitchen. She knows shes not allowed on the kitchen when I'm cooking, this is definitely boundary testing.

She is particularly challenging at baby groups where she seems to gain selective hearing and just does her own thing. People comment eg. Today someone said "she's a real character" before she'd even got out of the pushchair...

I know this is all normal behaviour but I honestly don't know how to react sometimes. When I see other babies her age sitting on their parents laps and singing the songs I wonder why my kid is the one I the middle doing gymnastics and being vocal!

Any tips for a first time mum fast approaching the toddler years??? Thanks

OP posts:
Springadorable · 12/06/2025 13:29

Reduce the opportunity for no to be an answer. Don't say "shall we get our coats", say "it's raining, do you want to put on shoes first or coat first?". If she wants to wear wellies I wouldn't mind, if it was shoes when wellies would be better I'd explain simply why (there are lots of puddles. If you wear shoes you can't splash. With wellies you can splash!). If she still insists on shoes then fine, but don't let her splash. And next time it happens, remind her of what happened last time. People will tell you she's too young to remember and understand this sort of thing, but both of mine understood perfectly well and it sounds like she can too.

OneNewLeader · 12/06/2025 13:34

My daughter was that child. I’d try and give her options, that reduced the possibility of no. Wellies or trainers etc. I’d also decide what ditches I was prepared to die in.

She’s absolutely delightful now.

You’ll find a way.

Lollypopbeach · 12/06/2025 13:41

You just described mine and all my friends toddlers. I personally think it’s normal. You know that yourself too, don’t let others make you feel she’s different.

My DS can sit for about 30 seconds before getting up and doing something else

I agree with the comment above. I try and say “jacket or shoes first” to make him feel in control a bit as he is mr independent but also getting done what needs to be done before leaving the house.

WhiteCloudd · 12/06/2025 14:47

Mines only a few months the older but I remember the 15month old pulling on your legs phase and I beyond hated it. Happy to report it didn’t last forever.

Beamur · 12/06/2025 14:59

Rephrase the questions - give alternatives and go with the flow if it's of no real consequences. DD had some absolutely favoured UGG boots and wore them winter and summer until they were too small. If she wants to do something, try and find ways she can. Accept a bit of mess along the way.
If she won't wear a coat for example, don't insist, just take it with you. Offer it again later if she seems cold. In the kitchen - do you have room for a highchair? Pop her in that with some toys or bits from the kitchen to amuse her. She wants to see what you are doing and to learn and be involved.

hydriotaphia · 12/06/2025 15:04

Honestly this is just what toddlers are like. I would try to make sure your expectations are not too high and you are not characterising behaviour as naughty just because she is an advanced talker. It is 100% normal for babies her age to say no, be clingy, do their own thing at baby groups.

Blablibladirladada · 12/06/2025 18:01

Choices are key for headstrong babies/toddler/children/teenagers…

Give two choices you are ok with and let her pick. Ohhhh the bliss ;)

Blablibladirladada · 12/06/2025 18:03

Beamur · 12/06/2025 14:59

Rephrase the questions - give alternatives and go with the flow if it's of no real consequences. DD had some absolutely favoured UGG boots and wore them winter and summer until they were too small. If she wants to do something, try and find ways she can. Accept a bit of mess along the way.
If she won't wear a coat for example, don't insist, just take it with you. Offer it again later if she seems cold. In the kitchen - do you have room for a highchair? Pop her in that with some toys or bits from the kitchen to amuse her. She wants to see what you are doing and to learn and be involved.

😂😂😂
mine did that too. Nursery even said something about her always in her wellies and I was like…so embarassed!!!! She had much more shoes…just doesn’t want them.

In the end, we bought matching shoes. That did the trick…

ProudCat · 12/06/2025 18:37

Sounds like my youngest. Super advanced. Turned out she was autistic and really can't cope with being told what to do.

How's she sleeping?

Bowies · 12/06/2025 18:53

Can she be with you in her high chair in the kitchen?

Don’t present things as options or opportunities for refusal eg - here are your shoes. Lower your tone at the end (so it’s not seeming like a question).

Give alternatives that both have the end result - such as if she can shoes on herself, could try “do you want me to put them on or can you do it?”.

The wellies are probably easier to get on 😅

Wayk · 12/06/2025 19:11

Their favourite word at that age is no. It is exhausting but you have to be firm.

MMUmum · 12/06/2025 19:40

From being young I taught my daughter to make a choice and suffer the consequences as long as it wasnt serious stuff. One prime example, put your coat on it's cold outside , ' I don't want my coat on I choose to be cold' ok says I, 2 seconds out of the door ' I choose to put my coat on' 😃 She also knew not to say no if something was necessary though, I used to say 'if I make a request that's reasonable and not naughty, then you do not say no'. She was very bright like your Dd, firm but fair is aleays the way Imo

Laura95167 · 12/06/2025 19:45

If it's a big deal for them and a small deal to you let them have it. I'd let her wear the wellies

BrummiMummi · 12/06/2025 19:48

If I could have my time again I would do baby signing, although appreciate you may be a bit late for that… My DD was hard work at this age but got (a bit) better when she could communicate. Not much help but here for moral support!

TryingToStayAwake88 · 12/06/2025 20:27

Might be worth looking at a learning tower/kitchen helper so she can come and stand up at the work surface and "help you" cook. My twins love theirs and being able to do things. It demands your sides are clear but they can see what you're doing and even do some food prep. My now 3.5 year olds will even stir the food for me now of they think it's burning

NavyBee · 12/06/2025 20:30

Offer choices, pick your battles. Toddlers have so little power in their lives so if we can give them more control/choices (within limits) it makes life better for them as well as you. Also be mindful that tolerance for frustration drops when they are tired or hungry. She sounds exactly like my now 22 month granddaughter (who lives with us along with her family) and has had strong opinions about things from babyhood. Some things at non-negotiable but mostly we accommodate her if we can. Can you set her up with some raw veggies or fruit to eat when you are cooking?

Chipsahoy · 12/06/2025 20:31

She’s just a baby. Redirect, distract, allow her options when you can. Make things seem like her idea or as if she’s helping. Count to ten, stress eat chocolate and scream into pillow.

TheBigFatMermaid · 12/06/2025 21:15

People comment eg. Today someone said "she's a real character" before she'd even got out of the pushchair...

As a mum of 3, now adults and a grandmother of 2, I can safely say, they ALL, without fail, go through at least one phase of being "a real character". OK, with some that stage lasts longer than others but it will definitely come to the person who commented eventually.

You have been given some great advice above,limiting choices being one.

I'll just add one more that I hope will make you smile... it's not your parenting, it's her childing!

waterrat · 12/06/2025 21:19

Gosh op she is so tiny still. A baby not even what I'd think of as a strong willed toddler.

Some of the discussion here about choices is way too complicated for a baby of this age

I'd just try to let go about so many of these things really ..what she wears etc.

Try not to over analyse it...it's exhausting but totally normal

jjeoreo · 12/06/2025 21:27

Beamur · 12/06/2025 14:59

Rephrase the questions - give alternatives and go with the flow if it's of no real consequences. DD had some absolutely favoured UGG boots and wore them winter and summer until they were too small. If she wants to do something, try and find ways she can. Accept a bit of mess along the way.
If she won't wear a coat for example, don't insist, just take it with you. Offer it again later if she seems cold. In the kitchen - do you have room for a highchair? Pop her in that with some toys or bits from the kitchen to amuse her. She wants to see what you are doing and to learn and be involved.

Yes, I now just take the coat and when they get cold, hand it to them without comment.

Dramatic · 12/06/2025 21:29

You say she understands she isn't supposed to be in the kitchen, she's 15 months old! Literally a baby, they can't control their impulses for the most part at this age and she'll easily forget that in the moment if she wants you.

Imisscoffee2021 · 12/06/2025 21:35

My son was and is like this, also an early walker and good language, he's two next month. He knows his mind and always has, is a wierd mix if highly strung and totally chill, like we can take him out all day to the city and wander about, long train travel to see family and he's absolutely fine, yet will kick off about the most inane thing. He also runs off in his toddler classes while other children his age enjoy the songs on their parents laps, theyre all different is all.

We found that we were saying no to everything so stopped saying it a while to break the habit and stop it becoming white noise. We stopped him doing things that we'd usually say no for of course but in general tried to avoid the word as he just said it back or did the thing while saying no,no and shaking his head 😆 also pick our battles too, if it isn't going to do harm then we just let him be a toddler too, they're learning this way.

We also found that in a scenario like you described with shoes and wellies, a quick explanation usually works, even a daft one that makes no sense to grownups, for example my son wouldn't wear his new canvas shoes til I said but these are moon shoes, you can walk on the moooon with these, while putting them on hom, now he wears them no problem. Little stories to get through the day and get them doing as they need to 😅

tuffinmops · 12/06/2025 21:35

Honestly your expectations are ridiculous. She’s knows she’s not meant to be in the kitchen?! At 15 months? Don’t be absurd. She wants her mummy’s attention which all 15 months old do! You distract and entertain. You don’t pathologise normal behaviour. This is really sad to read. You’re just being so negative about totally normal behaviour (of a just turned one year old!)Yes some children prefer to sit on their parents’ laps at baby groups because they are shy and others prefer to run about but they all express their own views and desires at home and that is NORMAL. Please just love your little one and don’t worry about ‘behaviour’ from a child who is basically still a baby. Keep things positive and light and model good behaviour.

tuffinmops · 12/06/2025 21:36

In fact, your post literally describes ALL one year olds. So just chill, and practise positive parenting…

ZImono · 12/06/2025 21:40

Both my children are very determined.
You have a determined child too probably.

I 💯 know the struggle... I still remember my oldest fucking refusing to hold hands or be safe on roads and would announce "No! Noooo! I hold my own hand!" And she would clasp her hands and flounce across the road.
..
I feel my BP rising just typing this 😅

imo you are going to have issues if you dont chill out a bit and lower your expectations (which are way off). Like honestly you need to reset you are setting yourself and her up for a rough time if you dont.

my youngest is 16m now so same age. He is more determined / willful / whatever than oldest
he frequently "ignores" me...except he isnt ignoring me. he's actually just totally absorbed in the birdy out the window or flicking cheerios off the high chair for the dog or whatever new thing he is learning / seeing. You make it sound like shes trying to disrespect you or something?

She knows she's not allowed on the kitchen when I'm cooking, this is definitely boundary testing.

This isn’t boundary testing.. and its a mistake to think it is. Its totally normal for an under 18m old babyto want to be in the same room as you- her mother. I'd get a high tower and get her involved. Dry pasta and a plastic bowl on a counter next to the hob. Spatulas etc are a real thrill for 1- 2 yrs olds too.
Your dd sounds bright, mine understood safety from fairly early on you just stay consistent with it

@Chipsahoys advice sums it up for me. Your dd sounds perfectly normal.